when the person you have loved for 4 years tells you they do not know if they love you how do you cope?

Question

i cant stop crying,and my mind can't work

Answer 1

Buck up & love yourself more than you love him & hit the road.

Edited: Someone who abuses you does not love you, ever.

Answer 2

Get a strong belief in yourself. There's nothing wrong with you, there's something wrong with them. With time, the tears will go away and the thinking have not left you, you're just focused on the bad part of the whole thing. He'll be back. There's someone else he want to be with right now. Just remember, when he comes crawling back. DO NOT TAKE HIM BACK. He will do it again and again. Find your strength in friends, God, Prayer or fixen and changing yourself. Do not let him call you and tell you, all that's wrong with you. Do not call him. NEVER EVER let him see you crying, angry or looking bad. Go change your hair, your sheets, your style of clothes keep your nails and feet pretty and thank God that it didn't get to marriage. You would really be in a bad way then. 4 years is along time to be with someone and then they decide that they want to jump ship. What you should do, when he call ( and he will call again) is ask him... why did you not let me know that you had decided that you wanted to tell me that you didn't love me? i could have been with other people that really cared about me? People always think they have got the heads up, when they see you are hurting. Stay busy. Never go into the places you all use to go, until you are ready. And most importantly. If you don't think anything about yourself, then how will anyone else gonna think good things about you? Forget their name. You'll be fine. Please stop crying.

Answer 3

It is always worse to be left than to leave.
Go ahead and cry a lot, your thoughts are all mixed up and it might be like that for awhile.
There is little you can do about your feelings but try and get with friends, find some one to talk with. Your feelings are right at the surface so be kind to yourself.
4 years seems like a long time to invest in someone and although he's gone remember even with all life's hard aches it is still worth your time to notice the sun set and sun rise. With each day you will become a little bit stronger even if you do not notice it.
Hang in there I've been where you are way down there at the bottom. But if you think about it the only way to go now is up.

Answer 4

One thing that happens when you've been with someone that long is your circle of acquaintances and friends shrinks. It makes you feel much much more vulnerable when the relationship doesn't work out. What is ahead is widening that circle of friends - ask them for help because you are leaving a relationship where you felt secure. Now you need to meet some new people - that's where friends can help.
If the circle has shrunk so much that it looks pretty dismal looking around right now for a friend, then just think of it this way: you are at square one and there are a lot of good people out there to meet. Join a singles group or get into some activity that is support for singles. There are groups around like this and the emphasis is on having fun, nothing heavy, just lots of light fun and activities.

Answer 5

you can always cope. sure, it is going to SUCK, and sure, you are probably gonna cry until you can't pee any more. You will probably consume large amounts of ice cream and chocolate, but YOU WILL GET OVER IT. I promise.

Give yourself time to cry, but don't wallow in it. Life is far too short. Tell this person to make the decision. It is either a yes or no. You should not be expected to put your life on hold while he or she makes a decision.

Realize that there are many other people in the world. You must understand that sometimes, things just are not meant to be. You will go on. Life will continue, and you will experience new things and meet new people.

Don't let this one experience ruin your life. We all suffer through at least one or two heartbreaks in our lives, and they always suck, big time. But the point is that you must take this experience and learn from it. Realize that maybe, just maybe, this person did not deserve someone like you. Maybe the two of you just were not meant to be.

You can't hang on to something that is not there. You will be wasting your time. The decision needs to be made, so that you may move on with your life.

good luck!

Answer 6

wow, i'm pretty much in the same predicament as you. This is my first time answering any question. Hopefully, i can make a diffrerence. I know that you find yourself dazzing off and crying. 2 months ago even 3 weeks ago i was feeling the same way. even though i ignore every attempt his made to talk to me, it still hurts and still have a lot of un answered questions. I has gotten a little bit easier. I can actually sleep half way through the night. I think that analyzing what i had and what he let go makes me move on a little step at a time. we need to stay strong and it seems like talking about it helps me too. i wish you the best.

Answer 7

You didn't say what the relationship is. In these last four years what did he say? Does this represent a change or just the first time the question came up?

I'm not a Psychologist but I think you may have some issues of personal esteem. Maybe you have let your love for this person be your guide and motivation for all you've done. But really if you did not have any confirmation of his feeling before, you did it by yourself.

Don't let someone else's opinion dictate what you can do.

Answer 8

Know that most spiritual traditions teach us that we are exactly where we should be and to have faith that all will work itself out. You never loose unless you loose the lesson. This is all happening for a reason and one day you will see this.

This too shall pass. Feelings are the “language” of spirit. If we avoid our feelings, we are avoiding spirit. Our feelings give us insight all the time to show us more and more of who we really are. Whenever we change our negative thoughts to more positive thoughts (“positive” and “negative” being relative terms), we align ourselves with who we really are. If the negativity isn’t there anymore to weigh us down, or blacken our awareness, the light of who we really are will begin to shine through from within our hearts. Love, light, spirit, & divine are all interchangeable terms for me. Love is all there is. Anything that suggests otherwise is only an illusion. Illusion must exist in order for us to have a physical reality. We are born into a physical reality, with a physical body. This is where we choose to forget our true spiritual essence. The purpose, and greatest joy in life, is re-membering what we have forgotten. In this we can experience over and over again this incredible joy. This is also how we experience spiritual growth.

We grow through our experiences. The more our awareness expands, the grander our vision. The more rich in spirit our lives become. The more deeply we connect with our light.

Namaste,
Stan

Answer 9

It is up to you ONLY to stop the pain, the hurt, the crying, ....anytime thoughts creep into your head about this, say, "NO I will not go there."
Time heals all wounds, so give yourself time. You are the same person you were before you met this person, before you fell in love. You will be that person again if you just give it time. Get the hell out of the house, go places, do things (don't go spending a bunch of money or eating a lot of food....not going to change anything.). You have my best wishes for a full life, and one is waiting for you out there...just give it time.

Answer 10

Start back at one. Ask him how you can be a better wife to him and take note. He might not take you seriously for the first time, but keep note. Whatever he complains about might be what is on his heart. Do it. If you have any complains, for the first two months of this experiment dont suggest him do anything, and dont complain. Then ask him after the first two weeks, "I want to be a better wife to you and I need your feedback on how I can do this." If he sees that you are really trying, he might start taking you seriously and provide feedback. Try to improve on it. If you like the way he cook, complement him; if you like the way mow the lawn, tell him. Simple suggestion and compliment can make a guy feel good. If you are not a hugger and he complains, Hell! you got two hands, and you can stretch them out. Pull him to you and hug him. You are still going to sex him about twice a week for the first two week until you get back into the routine.

Also I suggest you get this book, it really help me: "The Five Love Languages, How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate" by Gary Chapman
Good luck

Answer 11

Get on with your life and be very thankful that you do not have children left to remind you that this person stopped loving you. You cope by getting busy and getting your personal life in order - get rid of him for good. If he does not want to stay with you any longer than four years, be thankful it was not a longer time. Let him go, he will never make you happy again, not really. Because you will never be able to trust him again.