John and Sue are two of a kind.
He is deaf and she is blind.
The perfect marriage, you'll agree.
He can't hear and she can't see.
She has hearing, he has sight.
There's no way John and Sue could fight.
For when she's mad and starts to shout,
He'll close his eyes and block her out.
What she can't see will never hurt.
He treats her like a piece of dirt.
Poor Sue could never shake the doubt.
Was he in or was he out?
Watching football. drinking beer.
Slapping women on thier rear.
She only knew when John was in
If Susan bumped right into him.
John had changed, as she soon found.
He'd move the furniture around.
An obstacle left in her path
Made Susan fall and Johnny laugh.
A nast mouth and viscious tongue
She can't do right for doing wrong.
John as not the man for her.
Didn't want her, didn't care.
So Susan left without delay.
Packed her bags and ran away.
The man was such a callous brute
So she left Johnnie for a mute.
2007-07-15 06:47:35 · 14 answers · asked by ? 5 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Haha I relaly enjoyed that, good rhyming there. A few spelling mistakes but I'm sure you'll rectify that =)
2007-07-15 07:00:20 · answer #1 · answered by lilykdesign 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It made me laugh! just a few points though. The rhyming goes well because it's seems quite a silly poem but really it's very serious. Some parts are funny, and even sad things can be concealed by funny lines and phrases. The second line is not completely right, it should be sue and john instead of john and sue because the line before is in that order and it is easier to say and hear. I wouldn't start the second stanza "poor sue" because this sounds a little too "jack and Jill went up the hill...." if you know what I mean. just say "sue". it still sounds good. don't have full stops with the football and the beer, commas are better. You should make the second and third stanzas one because it doesn't fit in with the rest of the poem stanza sizes. Instead of "He'd move the furniture around" furniture is quite a big word to say. Replace it with "He'd like to move the chairs around" It sounds better. I think you mean nasty instead of nast. Her and care don't rhyme, rethink that. I like the ending about the mute. very funny!!
2007-07-16 12:02:21 · answer #2 · answered by JennieRose 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This was clever. I didn't have any problem with the word "furniture" as another answerer did. And following it with "obstacle" in the next line kept the rhyme for that part of the poem consistent. Any changes I would make to this poem would be little tweaks here and there which you could probably make yourself after a fresh reading. Interesting to see a little ditty like this that starts off with humor turn serious but still make the point in a humorous way. Nicely done.
2007-07-19 09:04:24 · answer #3 · answered by margot 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your poem is funny i like it it's really cool maybe you should write another one but this time on how john and sue met each other
2007-07-15 14:39:02 · answer #4 · answered by olivia_4eyeiz 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats awesome just poem or watever it was dud e
2007-07-15 13:50:43 · answer #5 · answered by crayonsarecool 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good.
2007-07-15 13:59:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats a pretty good poem!
=D
2007-07-15 18:45:00 · answer #7 · answered by missmollie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's people like you that help me get all of these answer points thank you!!
2007-07-15 13:51:13 · answer #8 · answered by Hollywood*M* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
thats very intresting what inspired it?
2007-07-15 13:52:00 · answer #9 · answered by ஐKatஐ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey, you're the image of me.
2007-07-18 14:20:21 · answer #10 · answered by Multiblue 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋