Scared to have a child?

Question

I was doing OK with my pregnancy, but my fiance jokes so much about delivery that it makes me so scared. I am only 14 weeks along, but this already affects me in a bad way.

He is taking an EMT course and tells me how disgusting the process is, that all newborns are ugly, that my body will never be the same. Mostly he jokes about my genitalia, telling I should get a C-section. Then he tells me about complications... etc.
When I tell him that I am scared, he jokes saying maybe you should have gotten an abortion.

I know that he is joking and trying to be a pain. I know that delivery is hard and anything is possible, but when I have my baby, I do not want to think that my husbands is disgusted by us. I just won't be able to have him in delivery room and I am not sure if I want him in the hospital at all.

This is a big joke for him. How do I ignore him and have a healthy pregnancy?

We are 23.
He is coming from a medical family, where emotions are not taken into consideration and everything is looked at as a disease. He was always like that and joked about medical problems. He just does not realize what it does to me.

Answer 1

I would say this is something that needs to be resolved - not something to let "roll off your back" or to ignore. His insensitivity may indeed stem from him being afraid, but regardless, when you tell him it scares you and he suggests an abortion or laughs, those are not the qualities you want in a husband.

I have delivered two boys and one more is due in a few months. My first two were vaginal deliveries. I hope the third will be as well. Labor IS a scary thing, particularly your first time because you don't know what to expect. It hurts - some women hurt more than others, some less, and some labors are long, others are short - it's hard to feel confident about something with so many variables. The thing is, though, labor is something that happens and is over in a relatively short period of time. So, for example, if you are in active labor on a Tuesday night, you can be fairly confident that by Wednesday, the pain, fear and any other yuckiness you feel, will be over. It's not like a broken arm that hangs on for weeks, hurting, and aching. Moments after birth, you feel 1000% percent better. Talk to your doctor about pain management options - there are lots of things they can do for you, give to you or that you can do yourself to make your labor less stressful and painful.

Are all newborns ugly? No way, and NEVER to their momma! Trust me when I tell you that although they get "cuter" as the weeks go by, nothing is more beautiful than your newborn child. Your genitalia will recover from natural birth - and there are things like perineal massage you can do to avoid tearing during birth. I've torn twice (minorly) and both times, I bounced back without issue. Why anyone would recommend a major surgical procedure to avoid a little tear is beyond me. Something tells me he ought to be failing his EMT class if that's how he regards C-Sections. Most women do not experience complications, and for those that do, medical professionals are trained and equipped to handle those issues.

You need to talk to your fiance about his callus behavior toward you. More than worrying about whether he belongs in the delivery room, I'd be wondering if he deserved the title "fiance". No one deserves that kind of mental abuse (that's what he's doing) and I would seriously recommend having a real heart-to-heart with him about this. If he doesn't come around, or apologize profusely, I'd suggest going to counseling with him. If he refuses, I'd suggest some time apart - his behavior (pregnancy aside) is not healthy for you.

Stress is not good during pregnancy - this is a time to relax and enjoy your pre-baby time and to get excited about the new changes in your life (and your body!) Don't let this slide, but again, don't be any more afraid than you have to - it's an unknown, but it's over before you know it, and you'll have your precious little one in your arms. Good luck to you!

Answer 2

wow he is so sensitive to your feelings isnt he! What a pig, sorry for being blunt, but you should let him know what he says bothers you, and that a little sensitivity would be nice. Men have no idea what we women go though. When i was first preggo i felt the same but i did not have someone poking fun, i was just imature and did not want things to happen to me like taking a crap on the delivery table or getting the episiotomy, or stretching out my "stuff" i ended up lucking out with a csection, ive now had 5 and am preggo again, the downside of c-section its hard to get a flat tummy after. Anyway im sorry he is not supportive, you just need to let him know his comments hurt you and even freak you out and to keep them to himself and if he continues then you will have to put a little distance between you until he grows up.

Answer 3

I'm sorry, but what a loser! If my husband talked to me that way, he wouldn't have to worry about seeing me or our "ugly newborn" ever again!
You need wake this guy up! I don't know who he thinks he is, but he DOES NOT have any right to treat you this way! Joke or not, you need to be clear that you don't think it's funny and that he needs to shut his flap!
It takes two to tango, and if he was SO worried about your body and the changes it will endure while your pregnant, then he shouldn't have been participating in the conception!

And saying "maybe you should have had an abortion" isn't even the slightest bit funny. (Pro-choice and Pro-life women will all agree that there is NOTHING funny about abortion, ever)

Tell him to grow up or get out of your life, you deserve to be treated like a queen right now! What's going on inside of your body is nothing short of a miracle, and don't you let anyone tell you any different!

Good luck, you'll do amazing!

Answer 4

For one, don't worry about what he has to say about you and your baby. Yeah, its not the prettiest thing in the world, but you are bringing your baby into the world. And the last thing on anybody's mind at that point should be how gross it may be. You will be great! Secondly, I agree, I would give him a reality check to wake his a** up, because if he does this now, he probably always will! Good luck w/ everything. Plus, tell him to push a baby out his *&^*( and see how pretty THAT is!!

Answer 5

omg i am sorry sweetie, i dont know why it would be a joke to him thats not right just try telling him, if he really thinks all that then he is not going to be a part in this, but tell him how much you need him their to sopport you and not say those things cause its can stress you out really bad and ur not soposed to be stressed out.
if he dont like that then he isn't that important to be a father... tell him this isn't a joke and that you need him not to be this way...

you should be fine try not to worry, thats the best thing you can try to do is not stress out.
even though, its going to be hard with him acting like that but **** lay it down.... your the pregnant one your the boss tell him what the hell is going to happen if he keeps this **** up.

and tell some family or friend how he is being towards you and make him realize this is serious hes got to support you
not make you teriffied!!!!!

good luck and i really hope he understands and doesn't make it a big deal

Answer 6

Having a baby doesn't have to be a scary situation. Stay healthy during the pregnancy, still do light exercise like yoga or walking.keep your body healthy and your breathing consistant, you should do good. The last thing you need when you're in labour to be stressed with your husbands comments. If i was you, i would nip it in the butt now with his teasing or threaten to leave him. You are the mother of his child and he should be comforting you not stressing you!

Answer 7

Seriously show him this question-leave the comp on where he will see it. Or break down crying the next time he says something. Let him know how scared you are and how you want him to be supportive.

You need him to be supportive at this time. He's really being an a#$.

Answer 8

And you want to marry this jerk? Ok whatever you think is best, but if some guy told me these things...even as a joke, I'd be out the door.

Answer 9

My husband jokes around all the time about it. It's really freaking annoying. I tell him to stop but he just does it to get a rise out of me. (What are we? 10?)

He's always commenting on my belly, and calls me tubby (I'm not tubby....JERK). And just pokes fun at all the changes I'm going through, and writes everything off as a preggo fit.

He also thinks that newborn babies are ugly, and teases me about the baby coming out black. (Accusing me of cheating on him with a black guy...WTF?)

He's kidding...but it still gets to me.

Answer 10

sounds like he's being a little insensitive. I sometimes have the same problem with my fiance, but not to that extent. Have you tried telling him that he's making you feel scared and insecure? Childbirth is a difficult task in itself, no need for your fiance to make it worse.