i was wondering,if you have been betrayed (cheating, lies), why is it so important to forgive? isnt that more like i agree with what happened and was done to me? i hear and read all the time about forgiving, to me, thats like giving an ok.
2007-07-15 05:12:45 · 22 answers · asked by not this way 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
because after you forgive you can go on. if you dont forgive someone that pain from whatever that person has done will be with you forever. But sometimes forgiving isnt always the right answer..
2007-07-15 05:15:26 · answer #1 · answered by thedumbone 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiving someone is not the same thing as agreeing with him. You couldn't forgive someone for a wrong unless a wrong had been committed in the first place. By forgiving someone, you acknowledge that a wrong had been committed, but you're also not going to hold onto the negativity that the wrong may have created because such negativity will only cause infection in your own being.
That doesn't mean you'll forget what he'd done or that you'll stay with him or take him back, because what's done is done and there's no taking it back. It doesn't mean that you can trust that person again because trust and forgiveness aren't the same thing --- it just basically means coming to terms with yourself by letting that part of your past go. If you can't forgive, then you're holding that part of yourself behind, and resentment, no matter how justified and well deserved it may be, will only get in the way and hurt you in the long run.
2007-07-15 12:25:16 · answer #2 · answered by ssdeji 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's because when you don't forgive, or hold a grudge and hatred toward the person that wronged you, you focus a lot of useless negative energy on getting even, "making them pay" etc. What this does is eat you up inside with anger, and hurts you because you are not moving on to live a happier life. It can also cause all kinds of health problems, since stress can bring on conditions that you might have been predisposed to.
Another reason I think you hear about forgiving all the time is because it is the Christian viewpoint. I am not trying to preach religion here, but just pointing out that as a society, the US is primarily a Christian nation, so most ppl would follow what Christianity says about it. The bible says, to forgive. Christ said to turn the other cheek.
When you forgive it is like you know that they did you wrong, but you are the "bigger" person and forgive. Does it mean what they did is ok? No. It's just I choose to make the other person's transgressions unimportant enough in my life not to give them the power over my emotions to keep me angry at them.
I forgive, but don't forget when someone wrongs me. Before they have screwed me over, I always give someone the benefit of the doubt when I can, but once they have broken my trust it's gonna be a long time before I trust them again. Forgive yes; trust. no
I hope this explanation helps. If you currently don't forgive ppl that wrong you, try to; you only hurt yourself when you don't.
2007-07-15 12:28:12 · answer #3 · answered by Mary K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you forgive someone, it's not for them but for YOU. Don't tell them that you forgive them if you don't feel completely ready to let go of the hurt and move past the thing that caused the hurt in the relationship. If it's a deal-breaker or if it's going to make you bitter towards this person you need to a) talk it through with them and make them aware of the feelings they've caused with their actions and decide for yourself whether or not you believe in your heart they're truly sorry, or b) let them know that there's no way you can truly forgive them at this time and step away from the relationship. Sometimes it takes a while to forgive someone. Sometimes it doesn't happen. But it's on YOUR time. And it's not permission or a free-pass when you forgive someone... it means that you understand they're sorry and that you believe they won't betray your trust again.
2007-07-15 12:21:22 · answer #4 · answered by Holly :) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't forgive, you will eventually be alone. Everyone messes up, and it doesn't mean your giving the ok, it means your giving them a second chance, like you were given one. Are you perfect? Have you ever in your life lied? IF you believe in Jesus Christ, can you expect Him to forgive you for your sins you were born with? If you can't forgive, then you won't be forgiven. There are certain things, perhaps thats hard to get over, such as if you've been cheated on, but even if you get a divorce you can still eventually forgive. If you hold grudges, you will die an earlier death.
2007-07-15 12:19:11 · answer #5 · answered by cindy h 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forgiveness is very important even it's so hard to handle it. The important is to face the person and talk, express the everything inside of you why is that happen, don't push yourself, should both sides agree what you are talking about, so there is no problem in the future. Be matured enough and be sport then you can feel free and move on with out hurt and accept everything and you will be happy. Thank you.
2007-07-18 10:07:20 · answer #6 · answered by rockstones 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not giving an okay. You can still be very hurt, disappointed, etc. and forgive someone for what they have done to you or said to you.
By forgiving someone you are saying 'I am willing to give you another chance'. It doesn't mean that you are condoning what they did, or that you are accepting what they did and forgetting about it.
Forgiving someone is a step in the healing process on the road to recovery. Some things are easier to forgive then others are, but it still doesn't mean that what they did was okay.
2007-07-15 12:18:08 · answer #7 · answered by endo_chic 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. Its not the same as being okay with what was done to you. Forgiving simply means that you are aware of what was done to you but that you are over it, truly over it. In your heart and in your mind. When someone has done something that hurt you it stays with you and it affects the rest of your life and how you interact with people and how you handle future relationships. And sometimes we carry all these things into new relationships and begin to treat the next person badly for something that someone in our past did to us. So it is very important to forgive. How do you forgive? should be the real question.
2007-07-15 12:26:55 · answer #8 · answered by Sweets 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it is not giving an OK... imagine you were stabbed and the doctor said to let it heal... but you said "no, I want it to continue bleeding so that the stabber knows what he has done is wrong". That wouldn't make sense would it... well, you are keeping an emotional wound open by not forgiving and moving on. Keeping a wound fresh by not forgiving is not a healthy way to live.
Forgiving does not mean that you have to keep that person in your life. You CANNOT keep someone in your life and NOT forgive.
2007-07-15 12:20:27 · answer #9 · answered by Mindlessfun 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
humans are not perfect. we make mistakes all the time, and in many of our situations, we need to be forgiven. if your cousin (for example) accidently breaks your favorite necklace, you can stay mad for a while, but because it was an accident, your cousin should eventually be forgiven. in the case of being cheated and lied to, forgiveness should be considered carefully. if when forgiving AND giving that person a second chance, that person should not lose that chance. if lost, forgiveness should no longer ready to be given, and the best action from there is to move on. if the person betrayed does not wish to give a second chance, then forgive and forget is the answer, but to forget is to also relieve yourself of the vileness of that person by staying away from he or she and no longer continuing a relationship of any kind. who is to say they would not do it again?
2007-07-15 12:24:20 · answer #10 · answered by merri 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋