My boyfriend and I have been dating for 11 months. During all this time he has never given me oral sex. He loves to receive, but he doesn't like to give. He told me that he has had unpleasant experience in the past, and that oral sex is just something that he doesn't enjoy, and every time we talk about he gets very upset and we end up fighting over this issue. I told him that oral sex is reciprocal, and that I will stop giving him oral sex. He pretty much doesn't care I stop doing it, so I decided not to give him any more massages. He got very upset and didn't talk to me the whole night, he thought I was punishing him. I jusnt think...why he should receive pleasure from me, if he is not willing to reciprocate? He enjoys messages, just as much I enjoy oral sex. All the man I've been with have given me oral sex. I think this is a very normal part of love making, specialy when you love your partner. I can't force him to do it, but I'm sexually unsatisfy. What can I do?
Jess
2007-07-15 04:10:32 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Could you go the rest of your life without it? The rest of your relationship with him? Is he this intractable on other subjects too?
Hey, I'm on your side and support your point of view. He's gotta learn to grow and learn new skills but he may not be able to.
It's only this important when it's not there, eh?
.
2007-07-15 04:14:08 · answer #1 · answered by Freesumpin 7 · 6⤊ 2⤋
It seems you are at an impasse. Oral sex is an important part of sex, or it isn't. It all depends on the individual. Since it is important to you, then it's important to the relationship. You have to decide if it's something you are willing to go without or not. If he isn't willing to do it, and he appears to have made it clear that he's not, then maybe it's time to move on. Being sexually satisfied in a relationship is just as important as being emotionally satisfied. If you're not getting what you need, then eventually you will become resentful (which is happening now). You both see each other as selfish on this issue, you because he won't do it for you and him because he has given you his reason for not doing it and you are trying to strong arm him into it.
Refusing to give him a message is punishing him by the way, if it's something you have done for him without complaint before. If you don't like giving oral to him, then don't do it, but don't withhold anything out of spite. That never helps the situation.
2007-07-15 11:47:15 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Nothing wrong with a 69. If he is willing to receive, then he should be willing to give. Honestly, oral on a female prepares her properly for the big show and makes everything feel nice to.
I would suggest asking about his unpleasant experience. He mighta had someone not clean - that would turn a guy off, especially if he is not very experienced. So, it might just be something very simple that you can help him overcome together.
2007-07-15 11:14:25 · answer #3 · answered by J R 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't necessarily think that oral sex is vital to a relationship, but I DO think sexual satisfaction is, and this is clearly something you need to be satisfied sexually. (Does he do other things to take care of your orgasm? or is he just all about what he wants to do?)
What sort of "unpleasant experiences" has he had? With that information, maybe you can avoid those situations (i.e., receive oral fresh out of the shower, when you're not on your period, etc.).
It's sad but true that if he's not satisfying you sexually, you're going to be less inclined to have sex with him... and the relationship goes downhill from there. Sexual compatibility really is a key component to a healthy, happy relationship. If he's not even willing to compromise on an issue you feel strongly about, there just may not be any "fixing" the problem - you may need to seek out a better fit elsewhere.
Good luck!
2007-07-15 11:41:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
There's a/b 100 million guys in this country.
If even 1% enjoys giving and receiving oral sex with his lady, then that's a million guys who'd like to give and receive oral sex with you.
The main thing is that you are happy in your relationship, and that it is a healthy one in every aspect.
It sounds to me like you would probably do much better with a different man in your life.
2007-07-18 14:22:53 · answer #5 · answered by idplmali 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are 100 % right,love ,sex and pleasure is for enjoy together.Couples enjoy to give each other oral sex,69 position,etc.Tell him that you will not give him oral sex.Tell him to try do oral sex to you.You are unsatisfy right now,of course.But talk with him.Good luck.All women around the world, enjoy to receive oral sex.This is part of the sex in the couple.Good question.
2007-07-15 11:20:54 · answer #6 · answered by cobrasnake 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
This is what you call a selfish, lazy lover. Oral sex is so important to a woman, and if you're not getting what you want-it's absolutely your fault if you stay in that relationship. Give and you shall receive-is my motto. Giving is just as enjoyable as receiving if you enjoy giving it... You can't accept less that what you want because you'd be cheating yourself...
2007-07-15 11:19:45 · answer #7 · answered by Ericka 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think oral sex is important in a relationship. Your BF was being very selfish by not reciprocating you orally. I think you did the right thing. I had a GF like that once, she sure loved when i went down on her, but would not go near me. It sucks, no pun intended, lol.
2007-07-15 11:44:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
There is a whole element of psychology in this matter, to be honest. If you want to receive as well, ask him about his bad experience, and be sure to listen to him. If he doesn't want to talk about it don't push, because that will usually end in a fight, just say "Ok, can we talk about this another time". But when you do find out make sure you reassure him that, you will try not to make it a "bad experience" for him.
2007-07-15 11:16:51 · answer #9 · answered by jessichaos_x 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You'd better find another boyfriend. If he's not up to going down, he's not into pleasing you, how will he ever blow bubbles for you in a jacuzzi? What a drag. Is the boy in the closet? Being a muff diver is something of an art form. No muff too tuff.
2007-07-15 13:31:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If your into oral and he is not your relationship will eventually die out. Like you I'm oral and like giving and receiving and have been in your situation. My ex girlfriend was not into it and over time it started to bother me and we broke up that's why she's my ex. If he got upset that shows a serious lack of maturity and best answer move on.....
2007-07-15 11:24:37 · answer #11 · answered by miester44 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋