Miserable single father wants to leave the state but not leave my daughter?

Question

I need some outside opinions here. Unbiased if you will...

5 years ago, I graduated college in the Midwest. I left my home state to come to California for a defense job. At first it was all crimson and clovers...new job, met a new girl, fell in love. We had a beautiful daughter whom I love very much.

Fast forward a few years. We are now splitting up. Some of it due to the fact I want to leave CA very bad. I don't have enough room here to tell the whole story, however the congestion and rudeness of L.A. is more than I can stand. My daughters mother will not leave as her family is here. I understand that. However, I have beem offered good positions back home that would provide a better life. Housing, good schools, low commutes, etc.

I can not stand living in L.A. I hate it soooo much. However, I love my daughter so much I dont want to leave. And I mean it, I really really really hate L.A. life but I'm responsible for my daughter.

What to do? Take care of my needs or hers?

Here a few more details. If I did leave, her family is very large and close, so that's to her benefit. The disadvantage for her is not having her father around.

L.A. life has made me sick, doc diagnosed me with anxiety and other problems from stress.

Qualtiy of life in midwest is better.

I will financially support and visit my daughter if I leave.

I realize morally, I need to be with my daughter.

I realize for myself, I need to leave L.A.

indigio -

My dilema exactly. I feel my kid needs me, and no she didn't ask to be put here, but you dont understand living day in and out in L.A., a person can say "I'll try", as I have, but weeks and months down the line of the same stuff, over and over, and it's like a bad relationship. All the negatives float back up. And SoCal has no calmer areas, without literally 2 hour commutes in traffic. And traffic is one of my biggest peeves.

As far as snow birding, 6 month, visitation, etc. etc. probably not possible. I'm a regular working man and companies expect you to be there every day, sans vacations. My career field does not support traveling positions.

Answer 1

Man, what a tough decision. Well, I guess if you have better opportunities elsewhere and u would be happier then moving would be the way to go. I know u would miss your daughter very much but sometimes you have to do what is best for you also. Maybe you could work something out to where you could have your daughter 6 mths. out of the yr. or for the summer or winter mths.

Answer 2

Wow!!! Where do your priorities lye? With yourself or your daughter? You brought this lil girl into this world. She didn't ask to be here. Now your leaving L.A. cause you can't digest it, but your leaving your baby to endure a place which you can't. I'm not trying to be harsh, don't get me wrong. But young children need their protector (their father) in their lives these days. To many bad things happening to children. Have you looked into staying in Cali, but moving out of L.A. to somewhere more calm. Or being a snowbird. Spend winer and fall there, but summer and spring in the MW. Your ex might consider those options.

Answer 3

you need to leave.. you arent happy... you can see and care for your daughter from wherever you go... just leave