Are the problems in my marriage manifiesting in a new way?

Question

Okay i have been married 3 yrs now and its been an extremely rock road.I dated my husband for 2.5 yrs during college it was love at first sight whem we first met and case of polar opposites attracting.I am Catholic and he is Jewish but we also have very different mind sets.Our problems started after our son (unplanned)who is almost 3 yrs old now was born and i refused to convert to juadism.We fight non -stop on how our son should be raised he wants him brought up jewish and i want him brought up with both religions.This led to a seperation for a year and since my hubby moved back in a few week ago fighting has resumed on a new topic.While doing some research on my family history with my cousin for her school project discovered my great gran dad was a nazi.I am a Latina of mixed european extract so its not like i saw this comming?I understand he has family members who survived the war but
now my husband looks at me like i was the devil?

Answer 1

I'm sure he doesn't think you are a nazi. He is just upset over how to raise your son and is now using this to vent that frustration. I would let him know in a loving way that you are not your ancestors.

Moving on....

You want to raise your son in both religions, but that is only going to confuse the hell out of your kid. Why would you do that to your son? It is never a good idea to start mixing up your religions... religion is hard enough to understand without a child having to try to keep track of two of them.

You knew your husband was jewish and I'm sure you knew how he felt. I'm not sure why you can't just agree to let him raise your son in the jewish religion. You already admitted you would be okay with him being raised in both (which as I said is only going to confuse that poor child). Your husband on the other hand feels much more strongly about this issue.... so raise the child jewish. It's a good religion (I'm not jewish personally, but knew alot of jewish folks). They were very focused on their religion and quite frankly, it can be pretty awesome for a child as well.

All I know is that you made a vow and I can't believe you are willing to destroy your family over this. Let your husband raise the child jewish and work on repairing this family for your son's sake.

Answer 2

Having read the above I can only say that life is stranger than fiction. The sad thing is that the Bible teaches that people should not be unequally yoked. The theology of the Catholic Church is anathema to believing Orthodox Jews - they do not believe Jesus was the Son of God or the Jewish Messiah - unless they are Jews who are believers of course. It is unheard of for an Orthodox Jew to marry a Catholic and convert. It doesn't matter at all what your ancestor was. It is as cruel and wicked and stupid for him to accuse you of having any bad in you due to your great grandfather's past as it would be for you to accuse his ancestors (the Jews of the New Testament times) for killing Christ. He needs to grow up and you both need marriage counseling fast or this one is heading for the rocks. You would not be considered a Jew if you "converted" anyway - Judaism is not a prostlytizing religion. You fight non stop - meantime your child learns that life is about fighting? Unplanned child, unplanned future. Your loyalty is to God first, but did you promise to love, honor and obey your husband when you took your wedding vows? You can't if that involves denying Christ. You suggest you will raise your son in both religions - well Jesus was a Jew and He was the Son of God. Your husband has a real issue with this - he thought you were just a nominal Catholic and it turns out you are a real believer. Pray about it and please get some counseling. It does not HAVE to end in tears, but it will unless he is prepared to listen to you.

Answer 3

Whoa !!!!!! This is difficult as I have many friends of different race and ethnic background. I am of German descent and take much ribbing for it it jest. I like you idea of exposing the child to both options. My belief is this is part of the problem with people today, as they are to narrow minded in some areas. In fact a friend at dinner the other night told me ONLY christians will make it to the Kingdom of heaven. I find it hard to believe Christ is so narrow minded.
Any way we were not born yet !!!! I had you had about as much control over the Nazi's as I did slave traders. His argument is ridiculous. Can we control family members now ? Why H no we can't . What makes him think you can change history ?

Answer 4

You both need counseling. Your not responsible for you ancesters. And he is way over the line. You should do what is best for the child. In the Jewish religion, the your not really Jewish if your mother wasn't. (Okay that's an over simplification. ) As a Catholic, you won't be happy with her being Jewish. Talk to your Priest... but I hope you have a good one.

Answer 5

This is such a sad sad situation. The fact that you did separate and then just got into it again tells you something. It sadly isn't going to work. The difference is too wide a crevice in your hearts and minds. I married a man who has no morals and i have morals. We have fought for 29 years over how to raise our children. He is non religious..i am CAtholic but didn't practice it till later because i needed to go ''home'' to get strength to deal with all the bad things in my life because of our differences. He is welsh too..i am American. We do love each other...that is too true...but all you need is more than love..you need respect, agreement, simularities and so much more for marriage to survive. I thought all you needed was love too when i first met my guy. We were soooooo passionate. So in love. But when real life hit we were so ill prepared for all the things that come at you in sooooo many ways and directions. Now after all these years i am leaving. I can't take it no more. It does not get better. It gets worse. It is better to split when the child is young too. I couldn't for reasons i can't go into. not enough room to write..but believe me. It won't get better. sorry. My prayers include you and your son. and your husband. For he is loved too. Just can't live together in peace. That happens even with family members..I couldn't live with my mother. Or a few of my friends..i love them all but it is something else to live with someone. TAke care.

Answer 6

as long as your child is being brought up to love and respect both religions it will give him a choice in what path to lead.if he thinks you can controll what kind of family you HAD then he has some issues with life.its not what the past is , its what you make of the life you have now together.i dont and wont let any man make me feel like a lesser person for any reason.you are is equal and should be treated as such.if he will not even see things for your side now then he never will.if you have family i would ask them if you could stay with them while you two seek help.good luck.

Answer 7

Your not the one to blame
you can't control what your grandparents did
I can't see how you can raise child Jewish and Christian.
Jews don't believe Jesus was the son of God and Christians base everthing around Christ. Would be very confusing I would think

Answer 8

Your husband is very closed minded and stubborn. I see no happy ending if he doesn't learn to compromise. You could try marriage counseling, he probably doesn't think he has a problem.

Answer 9

i am so sorry your going through all this,but your not the one that was in the war,your,and his family went through that,have you concidered councilling so you can talk both religions,how to encorporate both,so your children understand and know both back grounds,you both are gonna have to give and take,not just be stuborn.

Answer 10

sit down and have a heart to heart talk with him.
let the past be the past !!!
as for your kid, he will decide for himself when he reaches his teens as to which way he wants to follow but its good he knows both religions...