Hey there. So, i've been w/ someone for 7 months. We don't live together, but he's here alot. I have 2 kids, 9 & 10. They are great kids...but I am not a tough disaplinarian..I leave that to thier dad (he rules w/ an iron fist..I don't ..) So, this guy says he's in it for "Me" he fell in love with me...and he says the kids are his biggest 'issue'. What do you do when you are so in love with a man...but he doesn't have kids of his own, he's almost childishly jelous of my kids and says if he moves in (which is NOT the plan right now) that they will not come first in a home he pays for. (He told me to work PT for summer and he is paying for a home he does not live in because he thought it would be best for the kids if I am at home..I start FT the week school starts) The biggest issue he says is 'respect' and 'disapline' ....Where do I go with this? He was rulesd by an iron fist too...but when he is with them..he is soooo good with them, better then thier own dad...my kids worship him.
2007-07-15 02:38:33 · 15 answers · asked by Jess 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I don't think anyone should be with a man who is jealous of the children. You should look for a man with more maturity than that.
2007-07-15 02:42:02 · answer #1 · answered by Suz123 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Ur kids come first to any situation. If not u will have ongoing problems with them. I suggest u, ur kids and him all sit down over dinner or something and bring up the issue. Ur kids need to know if they havent already guessed it. It could b a big problem being with a man that is jealous of ur kids. If could also get their dad involved but not in a good way. No1 should disrespect kids wether they are theirs or not. NO matter who's house ur kids are in ur kids should b respected the same way u would expect ur kids to respect someone. Ur kids didnt ask to b here and that's what he needs to understand. Again, yall of u including their father needs to sit down and have a talk. Im sure u would address it if the woman that is in their dad's life felt the same way the man ur dating did. U dont want anyone 2 act like that towards ur kids so plz have a talk about it. If he doesnt like it then leave him. Love is everywhere and the right love will find u if this man doesnt change his mind about ur kids. Never put a man infront of ur kids even if u say u love him. Good Luck!!!!
2007-07-15 02:52:42 · answer #2 · answered by maritza 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can only make assumptions based on what you said.... it's not uncommon that if dad is a hard disciplinarian, that you may overcompensate by being too lenient (again, just guessing based on what I see in counseling others).... If that is the case, undisciplined kids are a turn off to anyone. While the parent should take care of the discipline when they misbehave, if you let things go it will frustrate him and cause division in the marriage from the beginning. The family revolves around the marriage, not around the kids. If you are disciplining your kids, and they respect when you tell them to pick things up, go to bed, give you quiet time alone, etc, then maybe he's just not ready for a relationship involving kids.
2007-07-15 02:46:34 · answer #3 · answered by Dulos 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me that he has a bit of a control issue. I have found that men with issues like this are manipulative (I see some in what you've written) I'm sure he has good qualities that the kids enjoy also. The statement of he's in it for You and that the kids are a big isssue should be a big red flag. You have to think about what is right for you and your kids and not allow him to make your family fit him.
2007-07-15 02:48:57 · answer #4 · answered by Jenn 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would be very concerned if I were you. It's great that he's good with the kids. But at the same time, the kids should ALWAYS be the first priority in a household. This doesn't mean they should be spoiled rotten, but it does mean their needs and welfare should be attended to above all else. If this man can't do that for your kids, you need to find someone who can. It't your responsiblity as a mother.
2007-07-15 02:42:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
perhaps provide her an interest loose mortgage to repay any debts. you % to help her get out of poverty, make effective her young toddlers have a good education and so on, adequate place to stay - that's greater important than provides and vacations, regardless of the undeniable fact that I guess they're the spotlight of their 3 hundred and sixty 5 days. perhaps help the mummy take some classes so she gets a greater suitable interest, and babysit while she is taking night instructions. you understand what they are asserting, prepare a guy to fish...
2016-12-14 09:21:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your children are part of you. If he's in it for you, then he has to be in it for your children also. Childish behavior like jealousy over your relationship with your children is not a problem that is going to go away. Don't have your judgement clouded by what you hope your boyfriend can be. You have to give credence to what you feel in your gut is not right. You and your children come first. He needs to want to be part of your family. And your family includes your children, which means in order for this relationship to get anywhere close to healthy, he has to accept your children.
2007-07-15 02:48:39 · answer #7 · answered by hopelessromatic 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Kids always come first. This guy is selfish. And if you move in you will be very unhappy. And he won't change... don't expect that. And most importantly, he is bad for them, even if he is good to them. They will know how he feels over the long run. Your choices are to move on, or leave things "as is". And he has no right to "discipline them. That would be very bad. Your happiness is important also, but... And, you know this or you wouldn't be asking this question.
2007-07-15 02:40:47 · answer #8 · answered by ? 7 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Put your kids before anything else. His jealousy is ridiculous and he needs to mature past that point. The welfare of the kids should always be first and foremost, whether they are yours biologically or not. If he can't commit to your kids, then he isn't really committed to you. Food for thought!
2007-07-15 02:46:50 · answer #9 · answered by Funny Girl 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
my mom was dating until i was about 10 and she always put me first she never let me meet the guy until she knew that they excepted the fact that she had a kid,and she would never get to involved until that day came. if he cant except your kids its like he does not fully except you because they are a part of you! your kids should come first.
good luck
2007-07-15 02:46:25 · answer #10 · answered by baby 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋