I caught my husband please advice...?

Question

I caught my husband talking and emailing to his ex girlfriend.I checked his cell phone bills and there were numerous calls made to her in the middle of the night,or at work etc. We have been married 5 yrs now,I always thought he is very loyal to me and I never had a single doubt that he would cheat on me.I confronted him and he said,that woman (his ex) would keep calling him and needed to talk to him as a freind.And he was just hiding from me because he did not know how I would react......What should I do,should I trust him again?...also F.Y.I we live in US and he has been making international calls to her and vice-versa. And also,I am 10 weeks pregnant (our first child) and his excuse was that he was anyway going to stop all communication with her as soon as he found out I was pregnant and the last few calls he made to her was to tell her to stop!!!!!!

F.Y.I I know he is not freaking out because we are having a baby and that's not the reason.These calls were going on in the last 8 months....He loves kids and always wanted to have a baby.

Answer 1

Hello...to the person who said she should stop trying to be a mother and be a wife and trust him...give me a freakin' break...why should she trust him??...HE LIED TO HER...HAS BEEN LYING TO HER...about another woman no less...and if he was any kind of husband HE WOULD HAVE TOLD HER ABOUT THE CALLS...that's why people don't trust each other...because people keep stupid secrets like that...and if the other woman meant nothing, then he would have said, 'hey, honey, so and so called me the other night...man, she's having problems and really needed to talk"...or something like that...totally open about it...that's how that should have gone...not her having to find it on cell phone bill or email...she had every right to confront him...so get over that...and, yes...pregnant or not...talk to him seriously about it and tell him that you are hurt because he did not tell you and that now you are having trust issues...if he loves you, he will stop communication with this woman if he knows it hurts you that much...or he will explain to you and make certain you know, without any doubt, that they are just friends. Good luck!

Answer 2

It is sad you dont have a trusting relationship with your husband and neither did he trust you in sharing his situation with you. It is surely wrong for a husband to do this not letting you know that his ex was bothering him. If only he confessed to you from the beginning perhaps you would have trusted him more.

There seems to be a trust issue and this is only making things worst. You may have to ask your self some questions to yourself first, why did your husband not choose to share this problem with you? Seems to me like, your husband is still having some connection with his ex. because it is easy to put an end to all calls ...all he had to do was not answer her calls, but he has taking 8 months convincing her not to call, which sounds so absured.
I wonder how this marriage really took place. There is no trust and you are having a baby. Wonder what kind of home you both will be providing for the new born, Children do not have a health mind when they grow with parents conflicting. Besides will you be able to trust him again, i bet there is already some betrayal on your husbands part. This can be hard on you for ever. Do you think you can lead a life with a man who was still having relationship withhis ex even after being married to you.
If he could not convince his ex to stop for 8 months when will he succeed in the future for another 8 months? Will you do this to your husband? I am sure you have a no answer? then why is it so hard for him to put an end..how do you think he would react if you had a long distance relationship with your ex? will he give you an another chance? Why is it that you have to give him another chance? Is this an Indian Culture that is forceing you to do ?

Answer 3

What a hurtfull situation you are in.I would be as upset over this as you are. Five years is a long time to be with someone and believe they are loyal to you! He knew he was wrong and that was why he was hiding this from you.His ex would have never kept calling if he had stopped her on the first call.She had no bussiness talking with him knowing that he was married.He should have never given her that attention for any reason!How did he expect you to react witholding important information from you concerning his contact with an ex girlfriend? I would not except this excuse because it was his responsibility to end it when she started. The point is that there were numerous calls to her that he made personally to her and that to me would mean he is more than intrested in her. How heartbreaking can that be to a wife that always believed in him and would destroy the trust in his marriage. The low blow to me would be the answer he gave in how you would react to it! But he gave you no choice did he? If he knew that you would react to it then he knew better than to hurt you this way. How do you fix the problem when the damage is done? He disrespected you and gave you every indication that he was up to no good. The only choice you have now because he was caught is that he stop all communication with her (because he was caught) and only learn to live with it. Husbands don't realize that it's things like this that make us look at them differently and we will never get that comfort zone back!! I really feel sorry for what you are going through and only you know what is and is not comfortable for you. Take care sweetie.

Answer 4

Madam I am not a lawyer A lawyer may have one advice

But still I feel your question needs my attention.

I feel you have caught your husband only on cell phone that too from tele bills

This proves only acquaintance and does not prove any illicit relations, adultry or cheating sexually... that is infidelity...

Legal system may require you to prove your point with proofs ,witness, valid enough to support your claim..

Here you are doubting only and not proving any of the points mentioned above which may warrant a divorce from your hubby..

You may be Mentally disturbed Now that your husband is cheating you.. and will do more harm to you...
but think about your situation
you are pregnant
your emotional turmoil will first affect your child and you.
then your finance, your family too will be affected...
i understand it is very difficult to keep silent on this very sensitivie issue
if you keep quiet , some will say you are fool , and if you fight you risk the troubles with your health and child...

so think if you Love your husband , and want to continue the relationship even after this exposure... accept the situation

if you think you will fight and separate, but with his child you will bear and give the birth

if you think to separate and abort and leave him
and be own your own...

these are the situations ... you may get many support groups Indians as well as American too
but real you have to decide and think how u will live by ... In US or return to India...

Answer 5

Just do your routine life and care the baby inside. You're his wife, where else the girlfriend of his is only a girlfriend. If you're good to him, he's in the most difficult situation. But if Quarrel, that's the end. He's having reasons and find more reason that between both you there's no more understanding. Care for your married life. I really know how you feel. It very difficult to take it. You must take it. You must be very patient. Always give attention to your husband when he's at home. Talk and joke with him. Discuss on the future of the baby e.g. the name of the baby, the education and so on and so on. At time be a waiter during food. With these attentions given to him he's in a position to be with you more. Maybe, he will realize you're the real women to him.

Answer 6

Either you leave him or live with him. If you leave him he will get chance to have his ex girlfriend with him. If you live with him he still will continue all this again & again. Now you have to decide what to do next. You are pregnant & I don't advice for any abortion for this which I feel is not good for your health as well it is wrong too. Better continue your pregnancy & try avoiding such matter for the time being. If he realize his fault & stop all this it will good for all of you otherwise you have enough reason to break this marriage & move out & let him do whatever he wants. You cannot stop such person & its always good to leave them once for ever, no counseling will help in such cases & he is not doing unintentionally but with full knowledge of his activity can lead to his matrimonial break. Five years of marriage & a husband indulging with his ex girlfriend with affairs cannot be taken lightly; you have to make firm decision about it very seriously.

Answer 7

This is a pretty bad time for you to be going through all this.
My sympathies.These international calls are very expensive.
with a baby on the way you would think he would be more careful with the families finances.Your hubby is a player.he is keeping his options open.Never allow him to travel alone to the country in question.If you decide to keep him that is one of the things he has to agree to.Believe me when I say I know exactly what is going on.That man is lying to you.This is his test of loyalty.You buy the phone card this time.tell him you are going to call her on your home phone and turn speaker phone on.Do not give him prior notice,if you do he will call her and coach her.do this on a day he will normally be home.Let him initiate the conversation-Hello and give his Name.Then you hear what terms of endearment she would come back with.as the conversation warms up.you jump in.Do not allow him to tell her you are on the line.If he has been giving advice like he claims he shouldn't be worried should he?If you do not put a stop to this he will be traveling back to see her and be makingg babies with her,THERE IS NOTHING INNOCENT ABOUT THESE CALLS

Take it from one who knows.

Answer 8

Hopefully he's telling the truth about stopping the communication. You've always felt he was loyal to you so you have a good foundation. And since the calls were international you can trust there were no meetings involved. Everyone goes through junk they wish they didn't have to. He could have been sincerly trying to help his friend through a tough time & stay considerate to you. But next time she contacts him he needs to let you in on it so he is not hiding anything from you.

Answer 9

You both neeed to go see a marriage counselor right away. If he is willing to go then that's a start.

I do not think he will stop calling her or her calling him. It is just the way it is for men specially now that you are going to have a baby it will be worst. You need to get yourself prepared for as long as he is in the internet chatting away he willl never stop. Using internet for good information is not bad but so many husbands/wives went stray because of the internet. Some are smart not too get into temptation and some go stray in their marriage. Goodluck and hopefully you can save your marriage before it is too late.

Answer 10

The fact remains that your husband was unfaithful to you which he had no business to be whether you were pregnant or not. Apparently there is no proper excuse for his behaviour. Anyway, since he has promised to stop all the nonsense after you became pregnant, you might forgive him after all. But then again a single call to his ex gf asking her to stop all communications from her side would have sufficed. He hardly needed more.