Hello is anyone experiencing this - I have been married for 20 yrs and unfortunately feel the physical spark has gone but dont want to end it all - I feel comitted to be there to the end and be supportive into old age. On the other hand is this a correct feeling if one cannnot give the relationship the physical passion it needs - would my wife be happier with someone else - she does'nt want to start all over and seems happy with the way things are. Our sex life has not gone completely south its just that I dont feel that rush of excitement you feel when you are togethe in a new relationship. That is something I crave emotionally and physically but I can see it I would have to lose a lot to get it with somenone new.
2007-07-13 21:52:58 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Each age has its own prudery and limitations. You can bask in the sunshine of having scored 20 years of married life and had many many love making times. Enjoy the present as it appears to you. Take care of your health and do different things to add newness so that you feel invigorated. Life is not just sex. Hold her in your hand and look into her eyes and find peace of different kind. Slight alteration in the attitude will help. Think of those who are considerably older than you and are content with their life partners.
2007-07-17 15:11:44 · answer #1 · answered by Ishan26 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So you are in a normal marriage- thats not a problem. You have to learn to put the spark back. Can you remember why you married her. People should work harder at their relationships. See you could find someone else, have the excitement and divorce your wife after you have broken her heart for your own selfish whims- it causes much more pain than you think to you both. Then a few years down the line you have the same problem. Go see a relate counseler and get the spark put back into the marriage you got. Marriages take a lot of hard work and if you can't finish what you started why start it?
2007-07-14 17:19:17 · answer #2 · answered by Ellie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can identify with how you are feeling. I am married twenty three years. was eighteen when we wed and still look quite young as does my husband. He decided last summer that he felt trapped and needed his space and though I understood it hurt a lot. I went away for three weeks and when I came home he had missed me real bad.I had given him his space and suddenly he didn't know what to do with himself. He was worried in case I'd met somebody ,which I could have, the opportunity did arise a couple of times but I wasn't interested. The point I am trying to make is this. If you live with someone day in day out for years and years eventually some day you are going to stop and think well maybe I could be out having fun.But fun gets boring after a while too.You would be giving up everything you know. Your way of life.It's not an easy thing to do.Step back and take a break away. Absence really does make the heart grow fonder.Go have some fun on your own. It's not all it's cracked up to be. Then come back home and love your wife again..
2007-07-14 18:13:44 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My wife and I have been married for 22 years. I cant imagine life without her. It has not always been a perfect marriage, but seems to get better every year. I thank God every day for my wife. Everybody worries about the sex. If you are truly, in love, those things, to me, are secondary. We stopped revolving our marriage around sex and since we have done this, its seems to be better. The spark, OH THE SPARK, when I see my wife there is always a spark. I don't think you can spend 20 years with someone and then one day, say, that the feeling is not there. We all have problems in marriage and I hope yours gets better. I personally wouldn't want to start over. The thing about calling it a "long term marriage" It really sounds like your looking at it as a business contract. You probably didn't mean it that way, but isn't a marriage supposed to be long term? I pray my marriage is.
2007-07-14 07:15:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Fot you to have been married for 20 years would mean you are not young, and so there is no way you can expect to have the same level of spark you had 20 years ago. Times change together with the people as they mature. What you need now is to be grateful that you have been married for that long period and take comfort in the things God has enabled you to achieve.
To answer your question, I have been married for last 26 years and honestly I dont remember ever lacking that spark you are talking about. In fact it is like as days pass by we enjoy our time together than ever before. I believe mature sex is better and more enjoyable than that experienced in a new relationship, and for people in our age we need that tender and sincere love which we can only get from our long relationships.
You need not give up your family just to recapture that lost moment, which am sure will not last and will leave you devasted. All you need to do is to remove your eyes and desire from your surrounding and keep them focussed to your wife and family.
As for me, I will not trade in my wife for any one - not even the miss world. In any case I dont want to die early out of excitement. Better a little horney than a jerrycan full that will put you out.
Just be the man of the house and rise up to the occassion.
Wish you all the best.
2007-07-14 06:22:09 · answer #5 · answered by Kaka M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All marriages go through dry patches. Of course you don't feel that 'rush of excitement' now - but other warmer, more permanent feelings take their place. It takes years to buiild up a strong marriage and if you have that, be thankful and don't keep pining after 'being in love' like a teenager! There are many ways to spice up your sex life within your marriage. Make a date with your wife one evening to meet for dinner...then go to a hotel instead of home! Use your imagination to romance her a bit, Tell her that you really need this and she'll agree to make the effort. Absolutely nothing can take the place of a strong marriage - not even all the 'exciting' sex and romance you imagine is out there. And don't forget all the doubts and hurts that come with passionate affairs. Do you really want all that hassle when you have something many can only dream of...a good marriage?
2007-07-15 02:10:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you just go tell your wife this. But don't just say it, say it with compassion and ask her how she thinks you two can bring back the sparks again. OR.... you could do something spontaneous, like go get everything you think it would take to romance her. Like candles,a sexy lingerie outfit, a nice take out dinner. Have it set up and surprise her with it. Then tell her how much you love her but miss the intimacy you two once had. Try what you think you need to so she gets the point. But romancing her is a good start. I've been married 13 years and I'm much older then anyone thinks. Like 50 and the sex won't go if you don't let. Women like romance and some of us just like knowing we're still the one even after the 2.5 kids and crows feet. Not that I have crows feet. thank god. And I have 4 kids. I went through this stage of not being interested too but my husband just talked to me and it was more the way he did it then what he said. Hard to explain but he just told me and began to show me how much I meant to him and it didn't matter about all the stuff I thought was wrong with me he still love me for me.
2007-07-14 05:10:09 · answer #7 · answered by Countrygirl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ive have not been married for that long but the grass is not greener on the other side.
You might meet someone new and different but after time you will be back in the same position and looking for someone Else again.And by then it might be too late to get back with your wife as she might have found someone Else and settled down with them and will not want to give them up.
If you feel that your relationship is getting sour try going away together some where and try different games in the bedroom that gets you both going.
Ive been there in the past with ex's and its no fun trying to get them back after making a big mistake.
Hope this helps and good luck
2007-07-14 06:16:04 · answer #8 · answered by LEIGH N 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
believe it or not its a normal feeling, but the grass is not greener on the other side, don't worry if you have lost spark, that all returns, all you have to do is look back at the begging, remember what got you there in the first place, it was the commitment,sacrifice, and alot of envy of others, alot of people could wish they would make it this long, look at your wife all over again, physical appearance changes, but remember that is with everyone, some just spend more money on keeping it up, throw a log on the marriage,spark up a fire, warm it all up again, be proud, your just begging a part of the rest of your life, you love your wife and your family, you have nothing to regret, regrets are those that don't try, God is greater than we are and you have been blessed, its time to take it and embrace it, ......your very fortunate
2007-07-14 05:39:48 · answer #9 · answered by yukd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In marriage, orgasms can occur even outside of sex. It's more than what comes out of the sexual organs. It's more than having those stretched veins or rolled up eyes or pointed toes or the loud moans, etc. The excitement isn't just in the sex part.
Me and wife are 28 years now and we still get burned up by flashes of lightning inside us without even touching. Well that's just the small part but then we weren't thinking about it much.
2007-07-14 05:36:27 · answer #10 · answered by wind m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋