I fight with my live-in GF all the time. Lately no fighting cuz I gave up, we dont fight or talk, nothing between us anymore, I hoped she would change her ways (spending way toooooo much money, spoiling her 5 yr old son rotten, working too many hours, screaming at the kids, very possesive and controlling of me). I am not allowed to have friends or talk to them. I have devoted my life 100% to her for over a year and got nothing in return. We are in counseling now, not going well.She has many issues (fear of abandonement, jealousy, she was raped by her dad for years when she was a teenager, etc.) I love her, but I cant fix her, and this relationship completely drains me, I do it all, and she takes it all. She wants to make another baby, that she cant afford to have too. We are so broke, all from her. Is love enuf, or do I need more than that? I hatre to disrupt our family, but dont I deserve to be happy too? Everything is all for her, nobody else, not even the kids.
2007-07-13 21:13:09 · 16 answers · asked by TJ 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
okay so 3 lines into reading this my answer is YES.
2007-07-13 21:17:28 · answer #1 · answered by * 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She and you are lacking serious discipline. This is a mochery of love. I would love to see a gay couple get married than you guys. You need to reevaute what love is. Me and my gf agreed that the only way to save a relationship is to know that you still care underneath all that and as long as it is something you both want keep working at it. Its time to break up when that is not the case and one of you no longer cares. To continue on would be a lie. What you need to do is start working on your behavior to eachother. Show some damn respect for eachother. If you care SHOW IT, if you don't then don't lie to yourself anymore. She has changes that need to be made too. Wow, irresponsibility will lead to inevitable disaster and your relationship will be beyond repair. In any case if your relationship is not good its not love, because love conquers all. Love can forgive the worst, understand the craziest, sacrifice the most, feel the deepest, and on and on. If I were you I would tell her that if she doesn't grow up your gone. Believe me it will work. Be like, "I love you to tears, but I will go if changes aren't made, I understand that I have changes that must be met too but we both have to work on them, or I will go." You may have to go, but understand that after you leave she will grow up fast. I have done it and WOW my ex grew up. Sounds like she has been pampered her whole life. Don't waste your life trying to be the hero family guy and stick by her side no matter what or you deserve every bit of crap that comes your way. Good luck!
2007-07-14 04:35:15 · answer #2 · answered by Godly_Expert 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa, there's a lot of dynamics going on here. It's unclear...is the 5 year old yours too? I'm only asking because you typed, "spoiling her 5yr old..." Then later you typed "she wants to make another baby"...if the 5yr old is not yours, then do NOT create a child with her. Especially, since she seems to be opeating on all-about-self mode. You'll save yourself much heartache in the long run.
Why would you want to wife someone who is "controlling", "very possessive", workaholic, won't allow you to see or talk to your friends, etc. You're right in acknowledging that you can't fix her. What are the positives in this relationship? Seriously.
As much as it may hurt you, you may have to walk away BEFORE ending up filing Chapter 13.
2007-07-14 04:37:17 · answer #3 · answered by Prodigalchild 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From reading what you just wrote it seems pretty clear that you already know the answer deep down. I've been in a situation similar to yours. You know deep down on some level what you want to do - what you need to do - but it takes a long time to work up the courage and the strength to actually do it. It sounds to me like this relationship has become completely lopsided, and you are at the disadvantage. Have you sat down and talked to her about all of this? Have you let her know that you are having major doubts about your relationship because of her behavior? If you haven't - that should be your first step. She deserves to know where you stand at this point. If you already have, and she still is not improving...then it seems pretty clear that you need to take care of yourself and try to distance yourself from an unhealthy relationship. Staying with someone when you are unhappy only breeds resentment and will worsen the relationship further. Perhaps take a break and see if it helps her realise the magnitude of your unhappiness with her. I have a lot of sympathy for you - this is a really tough situation. Loving somoene who isn't right for you, or who isn't good for you is probably one of the most miserable dilemma's in my opinion. I really wish you the best....Good luck!
2007-07-14 04:31:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's time to bring up spliting up in counseling and see what happens. Let her know exactly how you feel in that controled environment. At that point if things don't start to change, then yes, it's time to take things into your own hands and make the changes that are going to make you happy. And , by no means bring another child into this mess! That wouldn't be fair to anyone!
2007-07-14 07:47:41 · answer #5 · answered by peanut 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Remember she is all messed up inside because of her father maybe if you leave her it will wake her up to the fact that she is the cause of her own problems and it's time to get over what happened to her when she was young.I can say this because i was repeatedly raped growing up.It took a long time to get over it but i did and along the way i realized that s h i t happens and you can't blame everything you do on something that happened a very long time ago. Tell her it's time to grow up and stop feeling sorry for yourself.
2007-07-14 04:56:07 · answer #6 · answered by Teenie 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Indeed you should end this relationship. It is not healthy for any of you. She obviously came into this relationship with several issues and baggages. She should of learned to take care of herself before entering a relationship with you.
Do Not make antother baby as that will solve nothing..................
Life is too short not to be happy. And the children need happy and healthy parents at least one anyway. It is time to let go and move on. It is time for you to finally breathe again. Best of luck to you dear.
2007-07-14 04:23:44 · answer #7 · answered by Clara C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are in such a mess, I feel so sorry for you.
Your girlfriend may have been abused as a child but she is completely taking advantage of you. You should feel loved and wanted in a relationship and I don't think you are feeling that.
I think you should do a trial separation and just see how things go.
You can't sacrifice your life and your happiness for your children. They won't be happy unless you are happy.
2007-07-14 04:23:29 · answer #8 · answered by **Llola** 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried talking to her, or is does she become too argumentative? Are you still “in love” with her?
If you think it is worth it, suggest counseling to her so you can both say your peace while mediated.
Having said that, sometimes love just dies and the excitement and intensity of it all just disappears. We only seem to see the things we want to see when we first meet someone, denying any negatives.
Only you really know the answer of what to do
Good luck
2007-07-14 04:22:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
love isnt always enough. respect and compromise is essential too. and i just dont think she has that in her right now.
i hate to tell you to leave her, but how much are you expected to endure and still walk around like all is well? if counseling isnt helping you guys, maybe you should cut your losses and try to move on to a health relationship.
sounds like she is the captain of the ship, let her go down with it.
2007-07-14 04:25:27 · answer #10 · answered by rachael 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said something here..."you cant fix her" She should have never gotten into a relationship until she was able to cope with herself...Also i totally disagree with another baby, not only the money part, but the stability part...
This to me sounds like you got a prison sentence...I think you need to find a good lawyer and get paroled for time spent...Do yourself a favor, look deep inside and ask yourself...can i live with this chaos the rest of my life??? I think its time for you to start enjoying life...give yourself permission to do so...
2007-07-14 04:21:57 · answer #11 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋