OK need advise??????

Question

ok here it goes my wife died giving birth to our baby...this happened 2 years ago..so my babys 2 years old now and im 22 and about a year ago i started dating and have been with this girl for about a year now and my lil girl sees her as her mom and i didnt tell my wifes family that im seein someone..now her family came to visit and im tryin to act like i live with my mom still with the baby but the truth is that i live with my gf and i want to come clean with them before they leave but i dont know how...my gfs sad that i dont say nothing but its hard any advise

ps im scared of what her mom will think i mean is she gonna get mad that im with someone

Answer 1

Just come out with it man, you have already waited a long tiem to tell them. just because your wife died is no reason that you should not be able to live your life and if you have found someone who makes you happy then they should not rag on you because of it.

they should understand that you did love your wife, and that because you have a new GF that that is no insult to the memory of your wife.

About your daughter calling your new GF momy, it is just somethign that you will have to explain to her when she is older and she is better able to understand what death is.

Answer 2

There's no easy way to face this one. It's hard. I'm a single mom. I'm sorry for the loss your wife. Trust your judgement. If you think you've been responsible in raising your baby then trust that her family will know that you made a decision with your baby in mind.
Tell them, you wanted to talk to them about a change. tell them how hard it was for you to come out and say it. Say exactly what you said on here. That you respected the mom greatly and still do. That you are young.. that you met this wonderful girl who over time has learned to love your baby. That you hope this is for the long run. Tell them the truth. It's gut turning I'm sure. You're sooo young. If this family is reasonible (and even if they aren't) they have no choice but to trust your judgement. You are the father. And their place is to support you. You've already made the decision.. no going back. So just tell them. If they don't like it.. their position is to love your baby. As long as you are a good father.. then there's nothing they can do but accept it or learn to accept it. Once you say it.. it'll get better. Set up a time, and take the plunge.. there's no right way or right time. Just do it. Probably without your gf though. Intro them later at a dinner or something.

Answer 3

I am sorry to say this, but I'm not sure that what you're doing is in the best interest of your daughter.

Your wife is dead, and letting your 2 year old think that your gf is her mom may backfire you.
How long would you be hiding this truth from your daughter?
What would happen in the event you and gf break up?
Or what are you going to say to your daughter when she finds out that her real mother is dead and the woman she calls mom isn't her biological mother.
That can be traumatizing for a child.

Having said that, I would just say it. Tell her that you and gf have been seeing each other, and have moved in together. Then say that it hasn't been easy for you, but you understand you must move on. Then say that because your gf is living with you your daughter thinks of her as if she were her mother. Tell your former mother in law whether or not is your intention to continue this lie with your daughter and for how long. She may or may not take it well. You would be a better judge of her character.

If I were in her shoes I would be pretty mad at you- the same way you would if were in hers. However, I do understand your situation too.

If I were you, I would make allusions to your daughter about her mother's death by saying that her real mother is in heaven or in the sky watching her, and that gf is her adopted mom (or something of this sort).

Think about it before you have your talk. Ah, have the conversation alone with your former MIL.

Good luck!

Answer 4

i am sorry for your loss but i think u need to come clean your mother in law cant be angry,its not like u are cheating or something,after all it has been two years since u lost your wife,they cant expect u to live alone forever,i think that if they find out that u are living with your girl friend by some other means other than u telling them,then they might get upset,besides it looks as tho by keeping this from them is hurting your present girlfriend,just have a conversation with them tell them in a cool manner and in a calming atmosphere come clean then there should be no cause for them to get upset.however if they do get upset then u cant do anything about it.just continue to live your life and raise your child.
Good luck

Answer 5

I would be willing to bet that NO ONE expects you to live the rest of your life alone and if you talked about it with them, they would not only be glad to hear that you are moving on with your life, but they might also be happy to learn that their grandchild will not be without a female role model.
More importantly than what THEY think and feel is how YOU think and feel. Ultimately, it is your life... live it.
As for "how" start by simply saying that you are seeing someone and have been nervous about telling them, fearing they might think you were betraying their daughter.
Good luck to you and your daughter.
By the way, the best gift you could ever give a child is letting them grow up seeing a healthy, loving relationship... it will teach them what to look for in their own adult lives.
The worst thing you could do to your child is to show them an unhealthy relationship... it will leave her with no idea what love is, how to find it, or how to make it thrive if they do find it.

Answer 6

Wow thats a lot for someone who is only 22. Sorry to hear about your wife. Tell her family when your ready but they may not be all that thrilled w/ another woman being around the baby all the time thinking she may be replacing their loved one. Your dealing with alot right now, take your time and take it day by day. Time heals most wounds I wont say all but most and eventually her family may accept it. I wish you the best..

Answer 7

You need to focus on raising your daughter and not on your 1 yr old relationship. Living with your girlfriend? And if you breakup, your daughter will lose another mother figure in her life. Why would you do that to her? Keep your daughter your first priority and put off all the dating and girlfriend drama off until your daughter is an adult. Why would you live with your girlfriend anyway? What is that teaching your daughter...that you can shack up a year after your wife dies and it's all good...even it a two year old is involved? You're exercising poor judgment. Focus on your daughter..not on worrying about the the in-laws will think.

Answer 8

You have got to be honest and tell them that you live with your girlfriend. Your girlfriend may dump you if you don't, she wants you to be the man of the house and in doing so,do it for her too! Do the right thing and tell them okay son. They will find out anyways and then you will be in hot water for not being honest, is the bottom line here.

Answer 9

I think it's only fair that her family knows. You're young. They know you are bound to find someone to spend your life with. Just tell them that you've met someone you care about. You don't have to tell them how long you've been together.

Answer 10

tough situation...but if your not going to see her mom for awhile I'd just play it off and let her know some other time down the road.