This one is about the major issues of the world.
A Perfect World
A perfect world is a place in my dreams
Where violence and drugs could never exist
A world that can never become, it seems
While the gangs and dealers still persist
Turf wars go on as they fire in teams
When the people could stop it by clenching a fist
Children shoot liquids inside them in streams
The world has yet to even get the gist
People ignore all the cries and the screams
That pursue in the path of a hit man's list
No one catches the scandalous schemes
We expect all our people to coexist
When we smash all their hopes with hints and gleams
Of a better society, but all tries are missed
No more is there love in the list of our themes
Good times and happiness are only reminisced
No one can imagine why our world teems
With violence, yet thought of stopping it is only a mist
This is why a perfect world is a place of my dreams
Because the lines of this poem will be simply dismissed.
How is it?
2007-07-13 19:04:32 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
WOW. you oughtta be making money for this, or at least be on larry king!
2007-07-13 19:08:27 · answer #1 · answered by bethan 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
You just described the world today. Did you know that this sort of thing was prophesied in the bible? 2 Timothy 3:1-5 talks about it, but Revelation 21:3,4 also prophecies something a little different, something you would like!
2007-07-14 07:57:05 · answer #2 · answered by IslandOfApples 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although it is true you did not say anything new, you were able to continue a rhyme scheme way past when I thought you'd have lost it...and that in and of itself is noteworthy. If put to a beat it would have done well. It has all the earmarks of rap/beat poetry, and it does well because it doesn't sound like unnatural speech...which is a sign of good poetry. Overall, nicely done. B+
2007-07-16 19:13:37 · answer #3 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love your poem.It touches on the reality that alot of people "Don't want to get involved" in.If everyone could do just a small gesture to make a change,it would be a whole different world.You sound like you have a lot of passion for society.Whatever you choose to do,I know you Can make a difference.
2007-07-13 20:09:14 · answer #4 · answered by little loved one 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW.
Hey, this is what poetry is about - and you've got it! I love the modern imagery and themes. Excellent work and rhyme scheme, too. Fabulous!!
I Love the ending, a perfect strongpoint!
Keep writing, absolutely!
2007-07-13 20:35:48 · answer #5 · answered by grace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
trite. you're not saying anything but the usual gripes. make it jump out, put more gut-wrenching emotion into it; it might mean you'll have to work at it, but you will have a better poem in the end.
2007-07-14 16:31:31 · answer #6 · answered by jazzpoetmonk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it form of seems such as you like your room and the field in the back of 2 razor blades, in a vault sealed air tight decrease than your mattress and interior the path of the floor sheltered from the day of light. i like it!
2016-10-21 05:47:01 · answer #7 · answered by clam 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is great! I like it.
2007-07-13 19:12:52 · answer #8 · answered by claire 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say its fantastic!
2007-07-14 00:20:38 · answer #9 · answered by Anjali 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
too cliche
theme too ordinary and boring
boring.
2007-07-13 20:57:17 · answer #10 · answered by discordianight 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋