My wife just wants to be friends, What does this mean?

Question

We had been fighting a lot and now she just wants to be friends. We fought about trust, inclusion into each others personal lives, and the explanation of our feelings. She is "all talked out" and has put up emotional and “intimate” barriers saying she needs her space and that I need to respect her boundaries. She has said “every time I think we are doing fine we end up here again”. I feel so lost and clueless. I feel as if she has given up on us. She is still physically here and has always been good at doing her part around the house and I am grateful for that, but now she is very, very guarded emotionally. I try to get her to open up about it but it only makes things worse. So now I try to be as light hearted and good to her as possible waiting for the day that she will trust me enough to open up again. I want to listen to what she has to say, hoping she can open up to me. I miss her smile in the morning and her loving kisses when we part company. I am scared thought, I feel as if she is or has slipped away, and I have no way of making things right.

Is this a game, and what is she thinking?

This is from my prospective, over the past year trust has been our biggest issue. It started when a Steve’s wife came to our house early in the morning wondering if my wife had been sleeping with her husband. My wife said nothing happened and broke off the friendship with Steve. I never really believed that nothing happened. I would never put myself in a position for someone to question a friendly relationship. From there it has been questions about where she goes (because she didn't answer her phone or skips calls from me only to call back later) or (leaves to go to the grocery store but doesn’t get groceries).

Long story short is I freaked after that and have been trying to keep that from happening again. I didn't express my true feelings about it until time had passed, but that seed of mistrust made me not trust her behavior, and questioning her about it just made it worse. She wants me to get past it, and I am trying but I don’t get why Steve’s wife asked her that. Plus we tried counseling but as soon as the situation came up or got to stressful she bailed and won’t go back. The counselor did say we end up taking “vacations” from the problem but never truly addressing them. They said I need to stop questioning and I do until she disappears and can’t recall what has happened. She gets so mad with me and has been doing vindictive things to express her feelings.

Answer 1

Deep down her heart she is disenchanted with you and does not want any intimate relationship with you. It could be that she does not find excitement on bed or she is frigid with you. It is possible that she did not find physical satisfaction on previous occasions and these have accumulated in her mind. She doesn't want to hurt you as she does not have the outlet. Once she finds it she will leave you. As of now she is in two minds. Do not be too sentimental. Let things slide. Even if she leaves you, there are options for you too. You can find another more responsive and vivacious one who will be more respond to your needs better.

Answer 2

You're married so you can't just be friends. You're supposed to be best friends within a marriage but this isn't it. You should consider counseling.

If she won't go, you should still go. She may end up following you.

I just read your additional details. Sorry but this doesn't sound good. If there's no affair, is it possible that there could be some kind of mental illness? I know it sounds harsh but these would be my first thoughts. Does she go out with friends? Does she act normal around other people or do they get the sense that something isn't right? Another think to look at is what was her family life like? Could there be underlying issues there?

Do you have kids? If there are kids, how is this affecting them?

I know I'm not wearing either your's or her shoes but something has to give. Ultimately you have to make a decision on what your willing to forgive if something has happened with someone else, and assuming that it has ended. Can you forgive or live without ever knowing? If this is the case and there are no other issues, you have to tell her that you're willing to let it go. If she's willing and you are, wipe the slate clean and start over. I know it sounds hard but, again, you have to make the decision to start anew and go from there. Also, if she will not have a conversation about it, try writing her a letter. If you go this route, word it carefully. God bless.

Answer 3

okay, so the real question for me here is what are the real reason to why you want to sleep with her? Now I'm not one of these people who believes that sex = love or anything so don't get me wrong, I'm just interested in your motivation. Is it because this is your wifes close friend and you have a strong sense of revenge (which is understandable) or are you actually attracted to her? I just fear that with out fully exploring the motivation you find that you unintentionally hurt the other woman, which I hope is not your intention. I think that maybe if you feel you need to take revenge by sleeping with someone else the better idea would be to pick a chick up at a bar or something...rather than going the road of sleeping with friends...if it was unintentional i would say cest la vive were all guilty in that regard but it's premeditated and I think that throws up a whole other bunch of issues. Your wife is a real cow for putting you through this and your friend too... Good Luck and I hope everything improves

Answer 4

There is a small chance that she would use some time to think about your marriage and what SHE wants and give you and this marriage another chance.
90 % - she is going to file for divorce. It's just a matter of time.

When women want to be just friends - it's a line "I'm SO over this relationship, that I'm looking forward to be on my own".

Answer 5

I suggest you seek counseling both as a couple and individually so your wife can feel free to express her feelings uninhibited without judgement from you. If you are spiritual, you could talk to your priest, pastor, spiritual advisor; if not ask a trusted source for a good marriage counselor. There is definitely something wrong, but it is very admirable that {in today's society of "disposable marriage"} you are wanting to fight for your marriage and understand and work out problems instead of just taking the easy way out and divorcing.

Answer 6

Obviously there are some things going on here that you haven't told us. Women don't just put up emotional barriers w/ their husbands for no reason at all. There has to be a reason all this behavior started. It sounds like you are both stuck in a cycle of making up, breaking up, making up. And she's sick of the ride.....she's tired of promises things will change and then they don't. If I were you, I would ask her to participate in couple's counseling so you can work through things with a PROFESSIONAL who will be objective and let both sides talk.

Answer 7

If she said she just wants to be friends, what do you think that means?
It means she JUST wants to be friends. Nothing else.
Love and relationships do/can die. There's nothing you can do If she doesn't want to be with you any more.
If you're lucky after a break from each other she might change her mind. I hope so for your sake.
Good luck with it anyways.

Answer 8

It means she no longer wants to put in the effort that it takes to maintain your relationship and that while she still cares about you, she is no longer comfortable considering your relationship as more. Something very radical has to change. I suggest going to a marriage counselor so that you can figure out exactly what it is that she is trying to say to you. Otherwise you will still not understand, as she leaves out the door and doesn't come back.

Go to a counselor, let him or her know everything on your side. Then ask for her to see the same counselor and work through it.

Or understand that she is giving up.

Answer 9

This Site Might Help You.

RE:
My wife just wants to be friends, What does this mean?
We had been fighting a lot and now she just wants to be friends. We fought about trust, inclusion into each others personal lives, and the explanation of our feelings. She is "all talked out" and has put up emotional and “intimate” barriers saying she needs her space and that I need to...

Answer 10

read - His Needs Her Needs - a worthy investment that will help both of you to understand your parts in the relationship. Also, try couples therapy and keep doing what you have been doing bc/ there are times in a marriage where things get rough and stay that way for a while. Just keep thinking how incredibly close you could be if you could get over this bump. don't give up unless she asks to be separated.