Validation of the fact that we are successfull, pretty, intelligent, nice, lovable etc.
Isn't the notion of friendship selfish at it's base? In that we NEED them and they NEED us, be it for emotional or material reasons. Isn't it a give and take relationship? Or am I wrong? Can little anecdotes about people demonstrating unconditional love to friends simply anecdotes and not reflective of the true nature of what we call "friendship"?
Sorry if I sound pessimistic. But it's just a thought that I am having these days.
2007-07-13 16:29:06 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
Well that is the way a young girl like you might see them. Being much older than you I see a true friend as someone sure of themselves, who has a big heart and always room for one more person to enter their lives.
I think everyone needs validation and acceptance. Good people make people feel good. That's MY philosophy. You can't expect every person you meet to be your bosom buddy, but you can make your encounters pleasant, and make new friendships even if they only last hours, days or weeks.
Let's face it, lives and paths cross, and it's only because of proximity and convenience that certain people remain our friends, because friends you can make anytime anywhere if you really want to.
So to answer your question yes, I suppose we need friends to validate us. We always will, because we are human beings and we all want to be loved and accepted.
2007-07-13 16:47:02 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have the wrong "friends". True friends don't judge on surface beauty, but what's on the inside. It doesn't matter how intelligent you or they are, it's sincerity and heart.
Our creator gave us a basic instinct and need for companionship, it's not selfishness. Without it, there would be no love.
Dogs love unconditionally. So can people. I have few real friends, but the ones I do have love me for who I am and accept me regardless of my faults. I love them the same, and couldn't love them more if they were my own flesh and blood.
Giving joyfully of ones self creates a trusting relationship. In one case, my friend and I have been life long friends and talk by phone several times a week. We visit when we can (we don't live in the same state anymore). She was there when my Dad died, I was there when hers died. We've been there for each other with advice, to share grief, lend support in times of trouble. We are there for each other. Another friend took me into her home and cared for me when I was very ill. I was there for 3 months and was never asked for rent, grocery money or anything.
Maybe you think it's selfish, but I find it comforting to have someone that I can laugh with and share thoughts and experiences with. I enjoy playing music while my frinds sing, sometimes out of tune. Friendship is give and take, just like a marriage. Life would be very lonely without it.
2007-07-13 16:51:03 · answer #2 · answered by Sunny 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, i certainly don't think of them as outsiders and I have many friends who I love unconditionally and who I think feel the same way about us. I guess friends can provide validation, but they can also just be generous, nice, and a lot of fun. We all do need
people who care about us, but that's just one aspect of friendship, but sometimes when things are tough maybe we focus more on the fact that our needs aren't being met so we think of things in life only as relating to those needs rather than as something more.
2007-07-13 17:11:36 · answer #3 · answered by Frank W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Friends" are merely tools for each of us to get by in life, so I would agree with your assertion that friendship does have some hint of selfishness at its root. However, I'm not so sure about "validation" since a person's self-worth isn't dependent on the subjective opinions of others.
2007-07-13 16:41:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
An old friend of mine once said friends are the people who don't mind when you use them.
But what isn't selfish at it's base. We are attention seeking animals at our base, and so we seek others who give us attention and reciprocate when they do (if we're friends).
If it's not a give an take relationship, then it's no relationship at all.
2007-07-13 16:35:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Nirvana- I think you answered your own question. Often times our ego seeks validation from outer things, and people. It is up to us to love, and respect ourselves. Once we do this we will begin to open the floodgate and allow wonderful kind and sincere people, whom we call friends, into our lives. It will be true. Any time we think we need something, we are in trouble.. for in standing on our own ...being strong, humble, and loving we can know that any one person whom stands beside us... is deserving and true in their desire to be a friend. First we have to be a best friend.. to self. Our higher self... soul, atma.
2007-07-13 16:38:38 · answer #6 · answered by SamadhiAtman2008 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm. Interestingly put and I'd agree. One exception: I think idyllic friendships still live strong in the world of young children.
2007-07-13 16:35:42 · answer #7 · answered by sequinism 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, you're probably right. Oh, Phooey, you take all the fun out.
"Friendship" can be a pretty selfish thing. I think that's why I like to talk to children...they have simple motives...an extra dip of ice cream, etc. =)
2007-07-13 17:44:33 · answer #8 · answered by Eve 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, and because as humans we need community for survival. We need friends in case we need help.
I always wondered why we feel lonely without them.
2007-07-13 17:12:30 · answer #9 · answered by Islam Delenda Est 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's usually usery at its finest. The way to be a true friend would be if neither you or the friend NEEDED the other.
2007-07-13 16:56:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋