Please Help, My Husband does not want to have sex!?

Question

I'm 25 and have been married for a year. We have been together for 4 years now. We have a great relationship. Everything is great. But he never wants to have sex with me. I don't know what's wrong. We argue about this over and over but nothing seems to change. The topic puts me in tears. I'm a good wife, I don't know why he would brush sex off. I'm tired of the excuses (i.e. tired, stressful day etc). I feel unattractive and this troubles me everyday. I don't want to have sex everyday but at least once a month would be nice. I've now built up anger towards him because I can't understand why he would treat me like this. I feel like I'm being punished for some odd reason. We don't kiss and we don't have sex. I guess I should be happy that at least he hugs me. Somebody please help, I'm desperate.

Answer 1

I'm sorry you are having to go through this. Maybe he really is just stressed out? My husband and I used to have similar arguments...I am overweight and I ALWAYS blamed it on that, but he insisted that wasn't it. He said, I am just stressed and worn out..that's it, nothing else. Once I started to accept that, things changed. It was almost like he needed space from the subject so we could go back to being normal. Does that make sense? Try going without for awhile with no complaints whatsoever and see what happens. I KNOW that won't be easy, but in my situation it helps. Now we are intimate once or twice per week. Good luck to you...Hope this helps.

Answer 2

something is the matter with him!! 1. He doesn't like women (yes they often get married before they figure that out ouch!)
2. He is punishing you in a sick kind of way because he secretly enjoys making you unhappy ( a real personality disorder- he's mental ) 3. He is having an affair and like most man in an extramarital relationship,he is guilt/anger directed at you ( as well as HE already got some) 4. He has an incredibly low sex drive and doesn't feel the need to give loving and self giving sexual pleasure to you.
This is what you do. "Honey we have a problem and our marriage will fail if we don't fix it. We need to show physical affection for each other daily and have sex at least once a week. I'm not happy and I need this. Would a therapist help you?"--He will not want a therapist no matter what, but maybe your direct approach will help him be direct with you. If he blames you for some big irrational thing and says this is the reason why,then you will know that it's reason 1. 2. or 3. Then I'd tell you to get ready to pack your bags and let him figure it out.

Answer 3

The irritating stereotypes about male sex drive vs female sex drive are just that--stereotypes. Hilariously, they are also patently physiologically false. A heterosexual woman with an active sex life generally will have a higher sex drive than her male partner, though with women not involved in an active sex life the roles will be generally reversed. A woman's sex drive must be activated, so to speak.

That said, this stereotype--as well as another moronic stereotype of all men being single-minded sex addicts and cheaters (some studies show that women cheat more than men)--can encourage people to draw bad, bad judgments about a decline in male sex drive in a relationship.

The male sex drive is just as likely to decline as the female sex drive. This can occur due to a variety of factors--common amongst these are depression, anxiety, medication side effects, stress, and indeed fatigue. Ejaculatory sex is extremely tiring for men, and the specter of the this can haunt men who are already exhausted from other factors.

I can tell you from experience that depression, anxiety, and many of the drugs used to treat them are libido-killers. I have at some points felt complete disinterest in anything sexual. The desire was, simply, absent.

As you would not immediately assume that a woman who no longer wanted sex was cheating, so too do not draw that assumption about a male. Have an honest talk, share your feelings and look for some of the root causes. Be completely open, and make sure your partner does the same. Afterwards, if necessary, discuss solutions.

Do not feel as if you are somehow in the wrong here. No matter what some might say, sex is absolutely essential in a long-term relationship. Some scientists have equated the human psychological need for sex to the need for food.

Good luck. If I may be of any further help, please do not hesitate to send me a message on here.

Answer 4

Well, I am 49 and my husband is 62. He wants sex A L O T! I am at a time, in my life, when I could go without for the rest of my life, really! The whole menopause thing. I am facinated by the differences in people...of all ages. You need to find out what is really going on with him. Is he healthy? How does he view sex? What turns him on and what turns him off? Maybe he is just in a rut at this time. Does he work really hard? Maybe he is just too tired??? Does he fear getting you pregnant? There is an answer. You just have to communicate and find out what that answer is. You both are too young not to be having sex. There is an answer for you and it will get worked out. Just don't give up. Best of luck to you and your husband!

Answer 5

Dear Slick,

The very FIRST thing you should do is get your husband in front of a doctor. He is too young to be having such a lack of interest. It very well could be that there is a physical problem that needs to be addressed.

In the meantime, do not keep putting pressure on him for sex. IF the problem turns out not to be physical, then you need to find a good marriage counselor because what you are dealing with is a passive aggressive personality. He denies sex to punish you. You need to get to the bottom of the problem so that you can fix it. Cake without the icing is just not fun!!

Get a wiggle on, girl, you've got a plan, now act quickly. :)

Answer 6

Sit him down and have a serious talk. Is he gay? If he is, then he should have the decency to let you know. Is he having an affair? Same thing. Did he have an affair and now has a disease? Work it out. You need to know so you will know if you can help him or not. You are MARRIED or did he forget? You are not his maid, his girl-Friday, his convenience clerk or anything like that. You are his legitimate wife for God's sake! Get an answer from him!! Kick him in the family jewels if you have to!! Assert you position as his spouse, soul-mate and the woman HE married. Do it!! Good luck

Answer 7

see a marriage counselor or a therapist, first by yourself then with your husband, you need to do something to correct this, as it becomes easy to place negative things upon yourself, lose your self esteem, rather then keeping the focus that the problem is him
there could be alot of things going on, was the sex ok before marriage? some men simply like the chase, and find once they "have" a woman, they are not interested,
the sooner you get this resolved, or else get out of the marriage (you deserve someone who desires you also), the better
my first husband became like this, and i stayed to long, it really tore me down and made me doubt myself, i became miserable, and finally had to end the marriage for my own mental survival, but after having stayed so long, it took alot of work to get over
a main warning sign is to stop and think how you felt about yourself, your confidence, when you met or married him, and how you feel now, if there has been a big change, it will also point out the need to take care of this situation

Answer 8

Is he older? Could he be having an affair? Maybe its not working right and he's too shame to admit it. You should tell him how it makes you feel. And if he's not willing to compromise I would give him some type of ultimatum. Like I would hate to cheat on you but I am 25 and I need s*x. If he doesn't care then he really doesn't love you.

Answer 9

Something isn't right? Guys usually always want to have sex. Something doesnt seem fit, i hate to say this, but maybe he is seeing someone else. Im not really sure what to say, i do know that if he makes you feel unattractive.. than that isn't good either. Have you thought about counselling? I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 10

I agree with the dildo comment, try using it in front of him and see how long he resists. I myself don't know many men that wouldn't be turned on by that and if he doesn't join in, i'd wonder if he wasn't cheating as well. Also you might want to try renting or buying some adult movies that may get him in the mood. Good luck !