Split Apart
Close friend
Yet far friend.
Thought I knew her
Though I didn’t.
Nice friend!
Did I assure myself.
Mean friend!
Confronts me in this land.
Friend down, down the road,
Down she goes,
Down the road where nobody knows.
A darkened path there she goes.
Lonely one
There I am.
Want her to be in this land,
The land where I am.
Praying, there I am,
Hoping she will know who I am.
Questions me and is harsh to me
Nothing to do but to sit and wait,
Wait, for her to understand me and Thee.
2007-07-13 14:08:03 · 7 answers · asked by Evangelist 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
It's really good! It's also really deep. It tells a story that all of us must live. I loved it! Keep writing!
2007-07-13 14:32:40 · answer #1 · answered by Life Saver728 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's a little too abstract for me. Maybe try to add some 'objects' in the poem besides the road. What does the land look like? Where is the person sitting? Try painting a picture. IMHO.
2007-07-13 21:46:31 · answer #2 · answered by holacarinados 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad. Reads like a rough draft. 3 or 4 rewrites and It'll be good to go
2007-07-13 21:35:38 · answer #3 · answered by The Dark Prince 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good Job!!
2007-07-13 21:14:07 · answer #4 · answered by blackcherry_000 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i enjoyed it except for the last line which i despise.
2007-07-13 23:23:27 · answer #5 · answered by Lucas M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OOOOOOH!! Nice poetry!! Keep up!!
Have a great day!!
2007-07-13 21:10:30 · answer #6 · answered by Merry 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think is amazing ¡¡¡¡ .....
2007-07-13 21:12:32 · answer #7 · answered by Kamila 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋