Punishment for my 11 year old??

Question

I just read a text message my daughter sent to one of her friends, it read, "fine f u".

Before confronting her with the message I asked her who this person was and she told me that she was her friend but she isn't anymore because they got into a fight.

I then showed her the text message and asked her what it meant and she said, "It meant the "f" word."

I KNOW kids say things around their friends that they would never say around their parents, I did it for cyring out loud but, I never got caught.

My daughter is really a great kid. I've never ever had an adult complain about her. Matter of fact I've had many compliment me on her behavior.

She told me her friend was saying mean things and spelled out the whole "f" word first and that's why she replied that way.

What do I do? I want her to understand that this is not an acceptable behavior. What type of punishment will fit this 'crime'? I need suggestions please.

I check my daughter's text & e-mails periodically. She is 11 yrs old & I have told her from time to time I will check these. I do not do it sneaky at all. I want to make sure things like this are addressed if I ever find something.

Answer 1

First of all I applaud you for being a concerned parent and checking up on your daughter. With technology these days we, as parents, need to be a little inquisitive about with whom our children are conversing with.

I would give her a light punishment. Take the phone and computer away for the weekend. No text messaging and no e-mailing.

She will have to learn that actions like this are unacceptable but, don't be too hard on her considering she didn't spell the whole word out and she was honest with you.

I disagree with the person that posted you need punishment. You're teaching your daughter honesty and not how to be deceptive. I think I wouldn't have despised my mother so much when I found out she was snooping through my stuff. If she would have warned me I would have been more careful.

Kudos to you, mom.

Answer 2

First of all, your dauthter did not say the word around you. She also was honest, telling you what the word stood for. Therefore do I not believe that you should punish your daughter.

In addition to that do I believe that mom needs punishment for checking her daughter's text messages--or let's say for allowing her daughter to know that she checks.
My son did stupid stuff on the computer, including a profile posted at match.com when he was 14. I never even let him know that I was able to check his mail and that I was able to get his profile deleted---his e-mail and messenger was his private business, as a parent I wanted to stress the importance of respecting someone else's mail, at the same time, I needed to make sure that nothing dangerous was going on, because they didn't have all those sophisticated controls they have now back then. So I respected his e-mail and had him wonder why his profile was gone....I never told him because I did not want to tell him that I checked his e-mail.
You are in a difficult situation, but as I said: your daughter was honest when she told you what the word stood for, she did not say it around the house, and to punish her for getting caught isn't exactly right.

Answer 3

well it is kind of hard. She may still talk to her friends like that. In normal situations i would say discipline but this is different. Kids feel more guilty when their parents are dissapointed in them rather than angry at them. just sit down with her and have a nice relaxing mother daughter talk. Tell her that a potty mouth isnt a young lady and that you are very dissapointed that she would say such trashy words. Then explain how you never or anyone else would ever excpect her to talk in such ways. Make her feel guilty about her actions with your dissapointment. Then tell her that she is too good of a person to be talking like that to people. 2 wrongs dont make a right. Treat her with respect and she will be honest and treat you like an adult. Hope everything turns out good.

Answer 4

Why would you give your "11" year old (young) daughter a cell phone?
continue monitering what she sends and receives, if she continues the unacceptable behaviour , take the phone away and make her do extra house chores.
No parent can say that their child "has never or ever", because as parents we are not with the child when they are at school or away from the home.

Good luck with your parenting! Its not an easy thing to do.

Answer 5

it seem like your 11yrs daughter is getting beside herself, she is going thru a peer pressure point. What I would do as a parent, take away her cell-phone for a couple days, also I would tell her not to hang around this girl no more, and find a decent friend. Good Luck With Everything.

Answer 6

First of all if my mom would have looked at my text messages i would have been so angry that she is not giving me any privacy. I say warn her that this is wrong, but its just a word so dont punsih her. if you become obsessed with controling your daughter later in her teenage years she will rebel, and god knows what she could get into.

Answer 7

Just sit her down and explain to her that that behavior is not acceptable for you.Dont just take away her phone or punish her before explaining your warnings and reasons for telling her this. If she continues to do so...then you take action.After all, you did warn her right?

Answer 8

At least she didn't spell it out. Tell her that you will take the phone away for three days.

Answer 9

Can you turn off the texting capabilities on her phone service?

Answer 10

Honestly my parents punishing me as almost no affect on me at all. Them making me do chores or grounding me doesn't help. It just makes me mad at them. I would try just telling her why it was wrong. I'ts the truth!