I want to thank everyone who gave an answer to my question about divorce. I was married almost fourteen years and together eighteen. I knew we had issues but did not believe they were relationship ending. I do love my kids but the damage has been done and I do not want to contribute more. I was recently told that my medical condition has taken a turn for the worse and diagnosis sucks, already on disability. I would not want them to see me now. Selling my car and house full of furniture and going to find whats left of that new life I have waiting out there. I will always love and most likely be in love with my wife and regret the actions that I did take and the ones that I did not take to save our marriage. I love my kids more then words can express, I regret failing my kids as I have and will until I die. When relationships have been bruised or wrecked sometimes its better if the people do not see each other at all, even fathers and children, I am not the man they remember anymore...
2007-07-13 13:41:30 · 16 answers · asked by AzNative89 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think you need to quit feeling sorry for yourself and thinking only of yourself. Yes, life has thrown you a bad curve and you are not facing a bright future. I am not sure, however that you should leave you children with the idea that you do now want to see them or have them see you.
Even though times are going to be rough and you are not exactly the same as they remember, you are still the father they love and they would want to see you and be near you regardless of your condition. I think it would be good for everyone concerned. Perhaps the broken and bruised relationships can be healed.
2007-07-13 14:20:16 · answer #1 · answered by don n 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is your medical condition terminal? (I can't tell specifically from your post.)
If so, please make an effort to let your children know how much you care about them before you pass on. I'm having a difficult time making out the whole situation from your questions, but it sounds like your wife (ex-wife?) has shut you out of their lives. They may be getting a totally biased perspective from her.
Regardless of what has happened in the past with your children, if you love them then they need to know! Even if you don't have the nerve/ability to see them in person, you can always write a letter. (If you feel they are too young to see the contents now, is there a trusted friend/family member who you could rely on to give the info to them in the future?) If you die without expressing your feelings to them, it would be such an injustice to them. :(
Would you want them to go the rest of their lives thinking that they were unloved by their father? Of course not! People are capable of understanding that parents aren't perfect...even if you have made mistakes or failed them in the past, they may be able to look past that as they grow up. (Especially after they have kids of their own...once we start raising children, we begin to understand our own parents and their shortcomings a little more.) What's critically important is that they know...no matter what your shortcomings might have been on this earth...that you loved them.
2007-07-13 13:56:07 · answer #2 · answered by sarah314 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not agree with you. Whether you are in the best state in your life or the worst they are still your children. And they need you in your life. ANd the love for a father is unconditional. My parents divorced when I was 2 years old and my father was never really there for me in my life. But then my mother passed away 4 years ago and now I dont know what I would do with out him! I love him no matter what he has done to me in the past and I am thankful that I have him. Please still try to have a relationship with them. They need you.
2007-07-13 13:47:25 · answer #3 · answered by Cherry Darling 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been married for 26 years and there have been many...many...times that I have felt like a failure and to this day when I look back, see that I could have done things differently but, this does not change me...this is who I am. Because this relationship ended with the other party saying "this is enough for me" doesn't mean it was all you. I'm still married and love my husband for loving me and my "bad' ways. If he left me tomorrow, I would understand. Pick yourself up, wipe off, get yourself an apartment and see you kids on a regular basis. Don't be so quick to dome yourself to hell - it takes to to tango. LOL - Nancie
2007-07-13 13:56:52 · answer #4 · answered by nancie_usa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because you are not the man they remember doesn't mean they don't want to see you. Let them make the decision. Although you may have done damage, making yourself distant from them and never seeing them is going to do far worse. One of my friends is going through the same thing. Her mom has more than one tumor in her brain and doctors say she won't live long. The mom did some things that she thinks hurt her daughter and trys to distance herself and it just makes the daughter feel worse. Let your children decide if they want to see you or not.
2007-07-13 13:47:32 · answer #5 · answered by !*SoMeOnE_To_CaRe*! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would have to disagree. My stepfather and I were not on the best of terms. He had cancer and got really really sick. I regret not being a better daughter to him and I really regret not saying sorry for everything that had happened between us. It would have been really nice for him to know how I felt, then I wouldn't now have to question, 5 years later, if he loved me. Don't put your kids through that, don't live your life out of fear of being rejected. You have nothing to loose but regrets and it sounds like you have enough of those already. Let the people who are most important to you in your life know how you feel.
Just trying to be helpful. Best of luck to you my dear!!
2007-07-13 13:50:34 · answer #6 · answered by supersonic 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
People think things when they're depressed that aren't necessarily true.
Seriously, it's FAR better to make things up to your kids than to just crawl into a hole and make them think you really don't care. My dad did a LOT to hurt me, but over 20 years later, I want more than anything for him to just be a part of my life. Please just do whatever you can to be a part of your childrens lives. It's not going to be easy, but it'll be worth it in the long run.
2007-07-13 13:46:22 · answer #7 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So who cares if you aren't the man you were? Your children don't. How dare you take what little time you might have left and use it like a weapon to hurt them. What you are doing won't end when you do. Your selfishness will be carried with them to their deathbeds.
Parents don't live for themselves. They live for their children. Ask for their forgiveness and give them whatever you have left to give. I mean your heart, not your material goods.
2007-07-13 14:09:05 · answer #8 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there
I am sorry to hear of your situation. One thing tho you are the man they know and love. You are that man going through understandable hard times in your emotions. To take yourself away from them not only punishes them but hurts them deeply. They just want you. A family will stand by you through your hard times. Dont be embarassed, go to them and explain your pain and how you feel and let them make up their minds. I think you will be pleasantly surprised. You need them right now. Dont waste another minute. Go to them, be honest and listen to them.
God bless
2007-07-13 13:49:43 · answer #9 · answered by suzanne e 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I guess you try to ask if that is ok, well let me tell you that if you think you need time for yourself fine, take it, but eventually you need to meet your kids again you just cant close the door. You will always be their father so face it. Good luck hope you get better.
2007-07-13 13:47:01 · answer #10 · answered by Marquel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋