Doesn't anyone believe in getting married and having a house first before having a baby?

Question

And I don't mean getting pregnant like 6 months after married. What happened to settling with your husband, making a good life, then having children at a respectable age?

Answer 1

My husband and I wholeheartedly agree. We're married almost a year now (!) and have said since the beginning that we'll wait until we're both done with school and own a home before we have kids. This works out well for us timewise, as we both also put a high value on enjoying some time to ourselves before jumping into parenthood.

While I understand not everyone wants to or can feasibly (like in huge cities) own a house before they are out of their child-bearing years, we are lucky enough to live in a place where homes are affordable and we think it's important for a family to have roots and security - so we'll be buying a house before we have kids. We're also lucky enough to be married young and have the luxury of waiting without worrying about fertility issues!

We'll be buying a house within the next year and we'll graduate another year after that - so we'll probably be married about five years before we have kiddos.

Answer 2

This is a very personal path and every couple is obviously different with their circumstances and choices. An unexpected pregnancy might come along as the house is being built but if a baby figures into the long term plans, why not welcome the gift and add the joy to your life.

Making plans can be fun and exciting but they need never be so rigid so as to not allow for the unexpected that comes along, both the good and the not so good. Flexibility is key.

You will also have couples that want a child more than marriage and that is okay too. After the child is born there might be a change of heart for both and they want a legal commitment for themselves and their off-spring and so they head in that particular direction.

Life is an absolute rollercoaster and there are so many variables out there, we each live differently and there is no handbook that dictates what 'should' be done. And as hypothetical, surely you would rather see a happy and much loved child whose parents are not married as opposed to a neglected child raised in a rigid, unloving home by married parents? Society gives us this and everything else in between.

As long as people are happy and not hurting anyone, good for them!

Answer 3

Many couples can't afford to buy a house, especially in areas with a high cost of living, such as Hawaii, San Francisco, NYC, Boston, Alaska, and so on. Also, why should people buy a house? Sure, it's a long term investment, but there is considerable upkeep over the years, and in the long run it may be cheaper to rent. Also with renting you don't have the legal liabilities property owners have.
Just because you get married doesn't mean the relationship is going to work. This is dreaming. Marriage is understood to be a more serious arrangement than living together, and the law has a lot to say about the rights of couples. Nevertheless, what's to stop your spouse from becoming an alcoholic, or a lazy couch potato, or even a parasite living off your labor? The future is unknowable. Promises can help you plan for the future, but life has a way of happening despite plans.

Answer 4

Oh, I SO do. My husband and I have been married almost 3 years, and up until a few weeks ago I was never going to have kids. I have been doing a lot of thinking though and I think maybe 2 years from now. We will be married 5 yrs before baby is born. I will be done with school (my second degree) and he will be out of residency. We will be back at home where we plan to settle and more settled financially.

I think that so many people are getting married so much later in life that they feel like they have to rush. And some other people are SO young that they think it will be fun to play house!

Answer 5

I believed in that. I didnt just dream of that, i planned on that. But sometimes our plans are never meant to actually happen. Life is always going to have twists and turns and living is about rolling with whatever comes your way, not just sticking to an agenda. Ive learned that, yes, settling with your husband and having kids at a "respectable age" can be a good life, but overcoming challenges, struggling a little and coming thru it all...that can be a great life.

Answer 6

Sometimes you can wait too long too. I wished we would've had the baby early in our lives whether or not we had a house or established husband's career. People can do it no matter what. I used to think that way but now at this side of life (later years) I think we should've just had the baby, and still do things we like.

Answer 7

Fairytales don't exist anymore. I had my first child at 17 and got married to the father at 18 and then we had our 2nd at 20. Then the divorce came and then a 3rd child with my now husband. Stuff just happens, it doesn't matter the order it comes in.

Answer 8

Oh, Im sure they believe in it.....but it takes some effort and guidance to actually put that plan into affect. Most kids dont say "when I grow up Im going to have a baby young, fight to live, struggle financially and maybe die young". We do the best we can with the experience we have. You can help out tho by helping a young person in finding a direction. Dont sit on the sidelines and say "what a loser" step up and say " let me show you how".

Answer 9

I am with you on this one. We were married and bought our house about 3 years before our first child was born. It gave us time to just be the two of us. Unfortunately some things change for worse not better and this is one trend that falls into this category.

Answer 10

its always good to plan life financially. We had our first child 4 years after we got married and bought our house before we had kids. So you are on the right track. It was the best planning we every did.