Should I stay or should I go? I need guys answers please.?

Question

My husband and I love each other. Dont get me wrong. I'm not one to run away from problems....
BUT
Yesterday we got into an arguement that was so bad we decided to split up. Ok well knowing that neither one of us wanted that we decided a few hours later that we would stay together. Ok at 5am I wake up to him with his hand around my neck attempting to choke me...I said what are you doing and he layed back down and stopped. He says he doesn't remember this and says "dont you think if I wanted to choke you I would have done it already?"
The fight yesterday was all because I got out with him at a store...(I told him at first I didn't want to go then decided after he was in there that I would go in) I'm confused because I love him and dont want to make a mistake by leaving if I really shouldn't. Please help! Just need to hear what other people think...

He didn't have his hand on me that hard. But its like I caught him.

I know it sounds kinda funny. But I'm scared. He is my husband not my boyfriend you know. Its not that easy.

He told me yesterday that I brought out a really bad side to him. A side that could put him in jail.

I'M 25 AND HE IS 21. I HAVE BEEN MARRIED BEFORE AND THATS WHERE MOST OF HIS ISSUES COME IN. HE SAYS HE NEEDS TO MAKE ME SUFFER FOR MY PAST MISTAKES. I DONT BELIEVE THAT I SHOULD. IF YOU HAVE EVER BEEN DIVORCED YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT THAT IS SUFFERING ENOUGH. HE KNEW ABOUT ME BEING MARRIED BEFORE THE MINUTE WE GOT TOGETHER. AND WE HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR OVER A YEAR AND IT STILL GETS TO HIM. IT MAKES HIM HATE ME. BUT THEN HE JUST SNAPS OUT OF IT AND SAYS HE IS OVER IT. THEN I DO SOMETHING SO SMALL LIKE GET OUT AT THE GAS STATION AND BAM! IT ALL TURNS TO CRAP AND EVENTUALLY IN THE FIGHT WE GET IN IT TURNS TO MY PAST. I'M TORN BECAUSE I LOVE THIS MAN. BUT IN OTHER WAYS I KNOW I SHOULDNT BE WITH SOMEONE LIKE THIS. THATS WHY I POSTED THE QUESTION.

Answer 1

He just told you that you bring out the worst in him and he has already choked you? Look at the handwritting on the wall. Get your clothes, cash, marriage and bank account information and go to a safe place. Do this when he is not at home. File arestraining order with the police and talk to a lawyer. He may not give you a second chance to see what is going to happen to you. Do not be talked into staying and giving him another chance. Talk to a counselor at a womans shelter, the whole place is full of women who asked the same question you did.

Answer 2

I would be afraid if I was you. My ex-husband got very violent when he was cheating on me all the time and I mean all the time with different women. I could be wrong but it sounds like he doesn't want to be seen with you in public, or because of his age he feels the need for total control. But choking you, there was a reason for it and I don't think it is love. Sorry stay safe and rethink your relationship, women are killed by the husbands more and more these days. I hope I am wrong.

Answer 3

You guys need couples counseling. I'm not sure if I'd believe him about not knowing that he was choking you, but even if he didn't know - it still shows he has some serious anger issues about you. That alone, needs to be addressed with a counselor. I'm also inclined to believe there is still some underlying hostility between both of you. Something is going on, you're both hiding things. What is that about? Again, counseling could help to deal with the issues. I also believe that you two can work through it and be happy again.

Answer 4

I think that you need to consider marriage counseling because at this point you two are fighting over things that make no sense at all. Sometimes relationships need some guidance to get couples back on track. If this is not an option then you might want to think about taking a break from the relationship. If it is meant to be then you will work out all of the differences you two are having

Answer 5

You should go. Don't you hear or see all the wives that are missing, and then they find them dead somewhere. Or never find the body.

If you want to be another statistic, like Lacy Peterson or the others then stay. Love conqueres all, but not death.

Wake up while you still can, the next time you won't be able to.

Answer 6

I know what you are saying only you know what he would be capable of doing and how he is. My question is to you is that the way you want to live having to worry about if hes going to get mad about something youve said or done and putting you in a dangerous sitiuation. Its hard when you really love someone to let go.

Answer 7

I don't know girl, that sounds serious and dangerous, even if he wasn't doing it hard why the heck would he have his hand around your neck?...unless it's a sexual thing, i mean, maybe he gets turned on by it, maybe you really dreamed it, but if not and you know it was real talk to him again about it and ask him what made him do that, if he stills denies it and you really believe this happened i'd seriously think of leaving, you don't want to get in another fight someday and him really choke and kill you, it's scarey....keep trying to talk to him about this and hopefully he'll open up.

Answer 8

I would say that he is young and his feelings are hurt in the fact that you found love in someone before him, that makes him also feel inadequate. It is going to take a lot of time, attention, and love to make this marriage work. Most people this day in time do not want to work at a marriage. They just want to be happy themselves. You have to give a lot of at tension to make him feel secure, loved, and like he is the ONLY one for you. If your ex-husband lives near you might want to consider moving.

Answer 9

Well, fighting brings out the worse in us all, and he might have been fighting with you in his sleep thats why you woke up to him trying to choke you, but you better sleep in diffrent roooms an dwith the door locked, you can try couseling but if you fought this highly energized fight over getting out of the car or not a t the store, it might be time to call it quits. Sorry for your problems. Good Luck

Answer 10

It IS possible he dont recall doing this. My husband once had a dream that, to him, seemed so real, he became physically violent in his sleep. He was dreaming that I was cheating on him, woke up and punched our head board so hard, it broke. Then went back to sleep. He had no idea that he had done that. He woke up in the morning and looked at the bed and was like WTF happened to the bed. He remembered having the dream, just not his reaction to it.

So, with that being said, maybe your fight you two had made him really angry and he had a bad dream. I dont know what to tell you. Is he normally violent? Has he ever hurt you before? If this is a totally isolated incident, I'd maybe let it go. Only you know your husband and what he is capable of.