My husband brings in less income than i do. He's usually always broke and I usually have some kind of cash on me. I pay all the bills so he can pay off his car. He always takes a few cigarettes from me or some money out of my purse so he can eat. I can't buy packs of pop anymore because I usually have 3 drinks and find that he's guzzled the rest. Same goes for food, and lots of other things. The thing is though, once in a while i will be broke and i wont ask him for anything but he finds out and gets me things i need ( if he's gotten paid recently) even if it makes him broke. It a guilt trip every time because he doesn't have much but is very generous with what he has. But the only reason i run out of money is because he takes from me everyday. I started hiding things and he was outraged. He's always mad at me now, constantly reminding me of how selfish I am. I feel terrible but I don't want to be taking care of him anymore. any help?
2007-07-13 10:54:36 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The point is, is that i have shared everything and he has taken a lot more than he has given. I know he can't help that but i can't either.
2007-07-13 11:04:29 · update #1
no, i don't resent him for making less money, i resent him for constantly taking without asking, and he buys top products with it. and if he did ask it would be everyday. I had to include he makes less so that everyone wouldn't think he was made of money and taking mine.
2007-07-13 11:22:36 · update #2
marriage is a joint effort, and if you don't wanna take care of him anymore, that's a whole other issue to discuss
2007-07-13 11:01:10 · answer #1 · answered by Kaja 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you got married, you signed up to take care of one another. From my point of view, the guy IS working so he must not be THAT lazy and useless. He tries to bring in money for your family but he just doesn't make as much as you - so what? You seem to respect him alot less than if he made more money than you and that's YOU'RE ISSUE, not his. I think it shows how much he loves you that even when he has very little, he shares it with you. That's being a true partner. You, however, see everything as a spreadsheet - like you're keeping track of every little thing he does, or ever cent he spends. The fact is - marriage is a partnership - no longer is it "his" money or "my" money. It's OURs and it seems your husband sees it that way but you do not. For some reason, you resent him and you need to get over that for the sake of your marriage. If you strongly feel he needs to get a better paying job, then just talk to him about that. But you can't keep punishing him for not doing anything wrong! The guy has a job and is contributing.
2007-07-13 18:12:56 · answer #2 · answered by bestadvicechick 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Both of you need to see a money manager, or you will be doing this with your money for your entire lives, and when it comes to retirement time, you won't have any money..... you will be the lady as Costco, handing out freebee food, and your spouse the guy giving everyone a shopping cart at Wal-Mart.. don't laugh... Those people ended up with no savings because they did what you two are doing now!!!!..... Oh, well. Frankly, I'm glad they are there, and not me... someone has to do those jobs, even if they are 68 and penniless
2007-07-13 18:18:01 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and have a "Come to Jesus" meeting with him about WHY you had to start hiding things. However, is this a marriage? If so, isn't the income for BOTH of you? Isn't the pop for BOTH of you? Stop avoiding the issue, and meet it head on. You never know. He just MIGHT see some of your side to the matter. If not, at least you got it out. Let him know you feel HE'S being selfish too when he's constantly taking more than he contributes, and let him know you want to work out a compromise.
2007-07-13 18:02:28 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you need to sit down together and set up a budget. Decide who pays what and how much spending money each of you gets from your checks. If you make more, you would pay more of the bills leaving him with his own money for spending money. Then, if he runs out, it's his problem and responsibility. I would also suggest that you have an automatic withdrawal into a savings account in your name only due to his spending habits, one that he doesn't need to know about.
2007-07-13 18:18:21 · answer #5 · answered by starrrrgazer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are married! What's yours is his and what's his is yours! There's no giving more than what you receive in a marriage. You shouldn't be hiding anything from your husband, and personally, I agree with your husband...you are being selfish. This is one instance in where I have to say...grow up!
*Edit* I have to add though, that my husband and I have been married 9 1/2 years, he works and I don't right now, and although I hate that I'm not working and contributing right now, he has supported me for 4 years of college and will be supporting me through 4 more years of graduate school and we don't even act like this with our money or other things we have. That's why I'm so apprehensive when I see couples acting like this.
2007-07-13 18:29:30 · answer #6 · answered by CJ 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm wondering why everything is separate like that. It sounds like you have a mooching friend rather than a life partner. You should combine all the money for bills and each get an equal allowance for personal spending.
2007-07-13 18:40:40 · answer #7 · answered by The Naughty Librarian 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you and your husband both need to sit down together and work out a budget and expenditure for the week, this way you can say "This is your money for the week and this is my money for the week" and if he runs out before the end of the week, you don't want to know as you won't be giving him any of your money. This way he knows where he stands and what he can spend. Good luck.
2007-07-13 18:11:18 · answer #8 · answered by Live_For_Today 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he is in a hard place and a rock, you are not selfish you just dont feel you should have to constantly give him things, but like you say he makes less than you and he sacrifices for you if you need money even if it makes him broke,
I would be more careful about hiding my money, as in get direct deposit on your check and open a savings account for yourself,
2007-07-13 17:59:21 · answer #9 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thought the vows said for richer or for poorer. Maybe that was just mine. Ask him to get a second job so he can help pay for the couples therapy you need. You shouldn't be hiding things from him anyway. It is disrespectful and shows that you know you did something wrong.
2007-07-13 18:03:16 · answer #10 · answered by MJ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to require him to be an EQUAL part of your marriage . . . there should be no "his" or "mine" . .and everything should be "ours", but only if he is putting 100% of himself into this marriage and contributing as much financially as possible and not just setteling for an income that only allows him to make a car payment. Your husband is the man you have allowed him to become in your marriage. If you allow it to continue then you really can't blame him
2007-07-13 18:35:32 · answer #11 · answered by Drew's Mom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋