What are your thoughts on married people going to clubs and hanging with their single friends?

Question

My husband does it and has done it for some time now. At first I was okay with it until I realized he cheated on me. Now I am totally against it. I am also upset because he hangs with his single friends who are dogs and his married friends who are dogs. Me on the other hand have just started meeting nice respectable people to hang out with, after three years of marriage. However, there is this one woman who I met two years ago. I stopped talking to her because when we did go out to clubs my husband said I was disrespecting our marriage. Whatever! So I cut her off to make him happy. He didn't ask me to but I did out of respect for him. Well we came back in contact with each other and now she wants to go somewhere tomorrow night. She mentioned a few clubs but I told her I would rather just go get dinner. I feel that I have to keep it low key since I tell him it's not cool to stay out after 2 or 3 a.m., but in reality I didn't care about him doing it until I knew he cheated.

My question is regardless of what time a married person comes in from the club is it wrong to go in the first place? I have mixed feelings about it. If you think about it, what could possibly be in a club for a married person besides trouble? But on the other hand if you want to go dancing with your friends or just sit and people watch and listen to music it’s a good atmosphere. I am not much of a dancer and because I am 30 I have grown to like a more mature and relaxed club/bar setting. But my husband’s excuse is that I drive him crazy so he needs something to do besides sit in the house and argue with me. He doesn’t go to the club every weekend, but I would say every two to three months. But he does all sorts of activities with his friends though. When you say “I do” should you be prepared to end the club/bar scene all together? I would have no problem doing that if I had to, buy my husband sees no wrong in it as long as you’re not doing anything you shouldn’t be doing.

Answer 1

I think it's okay if you only go once in a while. My husband goes out with his single guy friends a lot and I don't mind because I completely trust him and the two guys he spends most of his time with. On a very rare occasion I'll go have drinks with a single girlfriend or two and just hang out and enjoy each other's company but I always wear my wedding ring conspicuously and if a guy hits on me I try to steer him toward my single girlfriend.

HOWEVER, if your husband cheated on you, not only would I be against going out to the bar scene without me I would also be looking for a lawyer to get a divorce.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I am married, and we have 3 children. It's hard trying to both go out at the same time. My husband either goes out with his single friends, or he goes out alone. I too will go out with my single friends, and our marriage is fine. I also let my husband go to strip clubs. I'm totally fine with it because I know he can't put his hands on any of the women, so it doesn't bother me one bit. It's like watching a porno. Now if he every cheated on me then I wouldn't care who he went out with I would get a divorce. It's one thing to go out and have a good time, it's another to cheat with someone else by kissing or becoming intimate with them. The decision is ultimately yours. i would drop him. I would get dressed up really nice, and go have a nice time. Not just dinner, but go out and have a good time. Why are you giving him the go ahead to do what he wants, but then you won't do what you want? Go have some fun girl, and if he doesn't like it then let him know where he can kiss it.

Answer 3

Here's the thing, it's fine to go out and dance with your friends, but only chicks do that. Guys go to clubs to hook up with girls. Guys go to bars to get drunk with their buddies. There's a difference. Once you're married, you can't go out all of the time, and you have to come home a lot earlier. 2 or 3 am is out of the question. Try midnight or 1 am.
It's a respect issue. One person in the relationship cannot hold the other to standards he, or she, wouldn't hold themselves to. That's some bs.

Answer 4

Cheating is the MAIN goal of a married person going to bars clubs and parties without their spouse and hanging out with friends(of the opposite sex).Especially SINGLE friends.You either go with him from now on or he stays home or you both shake hands and part company.

Answer 5

He wants his bread both sides buttered! If you get married you do things together. Nothing wrong to go on girls/boys nights from time to time. But in line with your marriage and the unwritten laws according to it. If he wants to go, you could go to and do not feel bad about it, for i am sure he does not feel bad at all when he goes out with his friends and you are all alone at home. GO GIRL AND ENJOY! His true colors would show very soon:)

Answer 6

There are lot's of releases besides the club. Your husband seems to have a double standard when it comes to his behavior and yours. Why wouldn't he go to the club with you? I don't know why you are still with him, I am sure you have your reasons but he wasn't considering your feelings when he cheated so why do you care about his.

Answer 7

I think going out is fine when your married. In the same token he has cheated, so I can see where there may be a trust issue these day's. Don't cut yourself off from having a social life. just remember when you go out, to have fun. stop stressing on what he say's or thinks about it. you are both adults.

Answer 8

I f he cheated on you I can understand why you don't trust him
but
if a person is going out with their friend to laugh and have a good time ( not Sex)
than who cares
his friends still like clubs and that's where he is going to see them
a Marriage is supposed to be based on trust if you trust them they can go anywhere

Answer 9

Generally, if a couple has an effective and mutual relationship; I say why not? Marriage should be a uniting; not
a sentence. Sounds to me like counceling would help you and your husband. Build on your penchant for talking to each
other, honesty, and reasonable trust. Good luck and good question. :)

Answer 10

See that fact that he has cheated on you before...changes everything. My man hangs out with his dog *** friends who are single. But when he comes home he is always like thank god I have you. And it is so nice not to be out chasing girls. Being with them makes him thankful he has me...it kinda backfires I guess =) =) I use to get all paranoid and be like you better txt me every once in a while to make sure I know you are thinking of me and just crazy jealous, but then I realized ya know he wants me so its okay. HOWEVER he never cheated on me...your story is not like me....umm..once a cheater alwyas a cheater?? It gets easier every time you do it??? I don't know...I don't know...