he's been doing this *stuff* for 25 years... on and off. I caught him with meth and then he left, left to stay at a motel for a week...he smoked pot/meth for that whole week and then came to the realization that this was something he couldn't continue this way. BUT... he decided this after i gave my ultimatem (sp). I had told him (last sunday) that he was to call me and work things out (or not) that night or nothing at all. He called the next day (Mon.) and he was ready....I told him no, that i wasn't. He decided to stay one more night (that is so selfish) and continue the pot/meth/drinking...then talk with me when he was ready. I'm mad at myself for taking him back and now he's trying to make a new start... he's in AA meetings and has rededicated his life to God. He's lied for so many years that I have a problem even believing what he's trying to do now and what if it's for real. I've lost trust. We have been married 2 yrs & have 2 kids. Do I take a chance and stay?leave?i'm confused!
2007-07-13 10:26:03 · 16 answers · asked by Christy S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Keep going to church, a family that prays together stays together. God will help you and lead you both.
2007-07-13 10:30:50 · answer #1 · answered by shellybgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You poor dear - read your question back to yourself and you will probably see the answer. The game has to stop for the sake of the kids (2 in 2 years and a man with 25 years of drug addiction? Big mistakes!) Well, you can't turn back the clock or put the kids back where they came from, but you CAN move ahead to a better place. You MUST leave your husband - not because you don't love him, but because you WILL NOT subject yourself and the children to further abuse. You don't have to divorce him if it doesn't feel right and you still have hope. If he gets clean and sober and maintains that for a period of time (maybe 2-3 yrs or more - remember time flies...), then you can talk about a life together. Until then, you should COMPLETELY cut off talking to him or seeing him. Immediately get into a support program for yourself because you are co-dependent (again, read your question back to yourself). Get the books Co-Dependent No More and Beyond Co-Dependency. You will find yourself in those books and also find strength to move ahead. Don't look back-only forward and know you are doing the right things by giving him time to focus on his recovery. Good luck to all of you!!
2007-07-13 11:01:10 · answer #2 · answered by kit kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He needs real power from GOD.Not all churches have that.I am not ditsing anyone's church,I am just telling you there is MORE than just saying a simple prayer.I urge you to read John 3:1-5 then Acts 2:38, Acts 8:1-16.He needs the HOLY GHOST,that is the only way he will be set free from his addictions.Visit a United Pentecostal church.They have a program for guys like him.There are preachers who have been where he was and is.GOD not only got them off the drugs, but HE took the desire for them away also.
2007-07-13 10:33:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hon, you must be dumb as a sack of rocks.... addicts are already in relationships -- and yours has several---- but none of those relationships is with you, none will never be with you or with any other woman for very long... Addicts aren't capable of relationships, they are taken, so to speak. If he's been on the stuff 25 years, he's pretty fried... crispy even. If you love pain, and wish to waste your life hoping for a real companion, a real husband, and a real father to the children you should never have had with this guy, guess what... Ain't happenin'. If you have any brains at all, leave, cut off all communication with the guy, get back into school, get a real job, and get a real life.... you don't have one with him....
2007-07-13 11:28:11 · answer #4 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have know to many like him over the years. You have lost the battle. The best advice I can give you is to move on and never look back. Do not let your emotions get in the way. If it has been like this for 25 years, what could possibly make you think it will ever change. Good luck.
2007-07-13 10:38:26 · answer #5 · answered by cfb193 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Recovery is a long process, and he's going to slip at some point before he gets totally cured. It's reasonable that you don't trust him, and there's no reason you should stay with someone you don't trust, especially since his habit puts your kids in danger.
Leave, and tell him you need a few years to recover from the damage caused by his habit. Encourage him to stay with the program and redeem himself, and perhaps he can earn back the trust, and the family, he lost along the way.
2007-07-13 10:34:46 · answer #6 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stay, at least for now. You will KNOW when it's over. When YOU reach YOUR end. Until that point, you have to try. But, when you reach that point, you'll at least know that you did your best, as is required of an honorable spouse. He probably isn't worth the effort, and his latest so called effort at giving up drugs isn't likely to work any better than his other attempts. You might consider waiting for a while, and then requiring a hair follicle test- which will prove if he's using.
2007-07-13 11:00:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I feel you....I too am working out a relationship with someone who had a drug problem.
Just think about this:
-Has he lied to you about his drug habits?
-Has he stolen from you?
-Has he disappeared for days or weeks, making you wonder about where he is?
-Has he gotten in trouble with the law?
-Do you feel resentment towards him because of the drug problems and the problems it has caused in your relationship?
-Does he truly want to stop, and willing to go to rehab for a period of time and Narc Anon meetings for the rest of his life? Will you support him when you go?
Ask yourself these questions, and decide if he really wants to stop. I suggest you give him tough love, which is he either goes to rehab or leave him.
Everyone has choices in life. He can choose either you or the drugs- simple as that.
Just so you know, drug addicts will only get better when they actually want to stop for themselves, and only if they decide that they want to finally live a better life.
If he does decide to go to to rehab, support him, and try to attend N.A. meetings with him as well so you have a better understanding of an addict's mind. One thing I'd like to emphasize is that he should go to rehab for at least 6 months, because a lot of the time 3 months of rehab is not enough to make a lifestyle change.
Lots of luck to you!
2007-07-13 10:36:57 · answer #8 · answered by mymammoth 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Please allow him to prove himself, that he's doing this for HIM, and is something HE truly wants to do. Give him time to accomplish something before you decide to take him back.
Forget the 'support' BS. He needs only himself if he truly desires to clean up his life. I have a problem with born again christians. Any that I've met, have sunk to the depths, and then found God.....Praise the Lord. I'm sorry. I simply have a very hard time with that concept.
2007-07-13 10:35:41 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is doing what you want - trying to clean up. Stick by him and be supportive of his efforts. Encourage him to go to AA or NA meetings several times a week. Hopefully, with family support, the AA meetings and a sponsor he will succeed.
2007-07-13 10:31:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The only way I would stay is if he goes into rehab. These addictions are serious nothing to mess around with. He needs help you also need good physicals for your kids. At this point he can't help himself and I don't think you can do it alone, he needs help please encourage him to see out medical attention. Prayers and God Bless
2007-07-13 10:33:16 · answer #11 · answered by bluebird 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋