my poem? good or bad? truthful answers please?

Question

Is anyone real?
Am I?
Are You?
or are we all
just here playing some character
saying whatever makes us look better
doing whatever makes us look better
even if it makes others look worse,
or seem worse than they actually are
all the rumors
all the lies
all the stuff we do to save ourselves
what if we didn't care
what if...
we were honest
we were true
we were trusted or even trusting
would it make a difference
or would we no matter what
sooner or later
fall back
into a world
of fakes.

Answer 1

Your poem: good concept, not so good on the execution.

Problem: concept has been done for centuries:

Shakespeare: "the world is but a stage and we mere actors"

and...for those who understand what this really means...

"To be or not to be, that is the question. Whether it is nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outragious fortune, or take arms against a sea of trouble and by opposing end them..."

To combine these two concepts is fine, but you must do it in a way that is insightful, not merely descriptive. The fact that you attemped to do so is to your credit, but it may be a bit too challanging at this point in your life.

Don't get me wrong, you are not too "young" to ask the question, in fact, asking the question shows maturity probably beyond your years, but to "answer" the question, to really look at it from all sides, may take more time.

Meanwhile, work on your poetic skills. Try different styles and forms, rhymed and freeverse...there is beauty and difficulty in both and a good poet can do either.

Finally, don't stop asking yourself the question you cited above...it is, after all, the meaning of life.

Answer 2

The concept is very good
The problem with it from the literary perspective is that you are "telling" it rather than using metaphor or story to vividly suggest what you want to say.
For example: Is anyone real? Is a huge, sweeping philosophical question. It is best asked during epistemological study, not poetry. How might you ask that question metaphorically, or using a word picture that evokes the same meaning?
Hmm....A bad example from the world of country music is the song, "paper roses" (But they're only made of paper, ie: not real). A better example might be: "All the world is a stage, and all the men and women merely players" (Shakespeare does it again)
Think of some other ways to illustrate the real/fake issue, it will improve the poem.

Answer 3

Good concept, however you have no scansion (a poetic line gets about a half second beat before the next one, so each line should work as an interesting unit or turn of phrase). Also, as someone has said, you need to work a metaphor or allegory or something specific. Poems are more than line breaks...but thank you for not rhyming!

Answer 4

Ah, this is better than most of the poetry I've seen here.

You've got a nice sense of rhythm throughout, i like that, gives the poem a good flow.

You may want to work on the punctuation a little bit though. Remember, periods and commas are there to give pause, otherwise the reader reads it as is, and it comes across sounding like prose rather than poetry.

But I can see what you've done here, just add in some punctuation where you see fit.

Oh and one of these -> ........ is not good for poetry, if you want to make the reader pause for a bit longer than normal, just add a space between lines :)

Answer 5

The message is clear but that does not make it a good poem. There are other things like the rhyme scheme, which are not there. I think there is still room for improvement.

Answer 6

It's pretty juvenile, to be honest. But if you are a teenager then maybe it's wrong to expect more.

It needs more substance and stronger language. Concepts like being "real/fake/honest/true" are not powerful enough on their own. Use an example of your rumors or lies? If they are damaging describe the damage they do.

Also use stronger words. Words like better/worse/real/honest/true/lies/trust
are all pretty common and like, 4th grade level.

Try harder. Your idea is sound, but you need to work at it.

Answer 7

i wish that may not autobiographical. It sounds very severe. We had a narrative in the information right here of a 19-year-previous woman assaulted by utilising an excaped convict, who very almost killed her and bashed the realm of her face in. it quite is the fashion of poem that is going to get a great form of interest, whether or not it quite got here approximately to you.

Answer 8

I really like the concept ...the ideas are very good but, there's sth that keeps it from flowing naturally...maybe you should check the rhythm issue...

Answer 9

It's nice, but I don't think there's anything about it that makes it a poem.

Answer 10

my truthful opinion is that you need a little more rhyming you're repeating words is very good that's what i think anyway I'm not a very good poet just to let you know