Sex outside of my marriage?

Question

Posted this question another way and got some real crappy answers. Everbody has needs and mine aren't being taken care of, before i got married i was having sex just about every day of the week and now i am going weeks on end without any. So now i suffer because my wife isn't as sexually active as i am? Not looking for another relationship just want to take care of my needs and come home to my wife after

Answer 1

Ok I am not going to be mean. It's tempting but I won't.


I think that you should talk to your wife or try counselling. Try also being more romantic. I am saying this because if you cheat even if you use a condom you CAN get your wife sick with an STD. I am premed. Also speaking as a woman, sex is a part of love, it's a demonstration of love so if she finds out it would CRUSH her not to mention the woman you have sex with will probably want to be in a relationship with you even if it starts out as a Friends with benefits. Your best option is to talk to her and ask her what changed and why she doesn't want to express your two's love as much anymore. Maybe she feels unattractive or undesireable.

Answer 2

Ses IS an important part of marriage. Marriage is much more than vows and signatures. Honesty is another important thing in marriage as is communication. If you have sex on the side without her consent, then you would be dishonest and cheating. You need to have a very open dialogue with your wife. Maybe if you ask her, she will tell you why she isn't really in the mood anymore. Some women need the romance. They need you to provide foreplay all day long (whispering in her ear how sexy you think she is, maybe giving her a kiss on the neck for no reason). Just some suggestions.

Answer 3

I sympathize with your plight. From what I gather, you want to maintain your marriage and satisfy your sexual desires. I see no crime worthy of condemnation here, yet I do not condone sneaking around on your wife or pursuing relations outside of your marriage. Who's to say that your wife can't fulfill your needs?

Before you begin looking for another partner, take some things into consideration. Your marriage might need some immediate repair. If you're thinking about being unfaithful to your wife, you might want to reconsider your wedding vows or seek divorce. But not until after you try a few things...

Have you voiced your concerns to your wife? Her low sex-drive might be the symptom of an overarching problem. Weight gain, depression, or boredom can affect the libido. Then, look at yourself. How has your behavior changed and would it potentially threaten your sex life? It might be hard to be brutally honest with yourself, but a hard look in the mirror might help solve your problem.

Secondly, you should speak to a trusted friend or professional therapist. These people can provide your prospective plus give you an outlet for your frustrations. Eventually, you can invite your wife and res view your marriage.

Furthermore, do what you can to build and expand your relationship with your wife. Hang out with her and take her places. If you don't have much money or have too many responsibilities, try to find clever ways to share some time. If you are close, both physically and emotionally, it will be easier to rekindle your dampening sex life.

For the immediate needs, you know how to "handle yourself," naturally. View some "tasteful" pornography in private. Avoid any behavior that might jeopardize the stability of your marriage: don't sign up for adult websites, stay out of adult chat rooms, don't buy hardcore pornography.

Essentially, communicate with your wife and yourself. After time passes, if you can't work out your marriage, you might need to sever your ties and start over on your own.

Answer 4

A marriage is deeper than sex. Ask yourself why your arn't attracted to her anymore. be honest with yourself, is that you just want to try something new? You have to talk to your wife about how you are feeling. She may not be feeling very sexy either considering " she's not as sexually active as I am". ask her what turns her on. Ask what can you do to enhance the " INTIMACY" within the relationship. If you really love your wife and truly want to be with her, please do not bring any outside interference into an already unstable situation. I know you think it will only be "sex" outside the marriage but its never that simple. Even though you may not develop feelings for a sex partner, you may unconsciously start comparing those partners to what your wife may/may not do. I personally know couples who were having problems in their romance who eventually start swinging. It seems to work for them b/c technically its not cheating. Both parties know what the other is doing at all time. That may be a suitable alternative for your situation, but do not cheat on your wife if you truly want to be with this woman. Besides, I don't think there is a single documented case of someone dying from a lack of sex; it only feels that way. What are you still sitting there reading this for? Go work on a resolution with your wife, dude! Good Luck and happy endings!(pun intended).

Answer 5

Become acquainted with Ma Thumb and her four daughters, a marriage counselor or a divorce attorney. Don't do a stupid thing like self strip your integrity, everyone will remember you are a dog if you cheat. Work on a fix and if that fails work on an exit plan, it's the honest way to go.

On second thought...

Is your personal hygiene as it was when you were mucking like finks? Does your wife work and you lounge lizard while she also works on cooking supper, laundry, vacuuming, cobweb removing, child care, bill paying, appointment making, Dr. Moming, stroking your ego and when all that is done putting on the veils and getting out her finger cymbals to hoochie coochie dance for your personal visual stand at attention pleasure? I hope your answer is "yes, I am not a slovenly pig and no, I share 50/50 to have the home we have built together and I dance in only my tool belt before rubbing her back."

Answer 6

And therapy for the both of you is not an option? How's the hand, does that work? If none of those are options how bout buying a hot tub. Ever since we got one....baby it's evertime we get in it. I don't know what it is about the water... and I'm like your wife, I could do without. But I love my husband, so I would never turn him down. But he doesn't ask for it everyday either. I was married to a guy that wanted it all the time. I felt like a sack of potatoes. He just wanted to *****. Girls want to feel loved and needed. I feel for you...it has to be tough to have such a strong drive and she doesn't. You really need to talk to her and tell her the truth. There has to be a solution, besides adultry.

Answer 7

I've read a lot about women's labido dropping off the map some time after marriage.
Have you considered talking to her about?
Seeking help?
Maybe its pyschological or medical condition?
Maybe her birth control?

Its always a bad play to cheat, your better off with a divorce holmes. It sucks but men and women have two VASTLY different views on this. I would get rid of her, having sex isnt a "need" by the way. On the contrary I could see where it could be frustrating as all **** when your married, and the one woman you made a vow to be with forever decides, sorry no more sex... kinda fuct up? It is.
Try what I mentioned earlier, if still no dice and its eating you that bad, get rid of her.
Women will say your being selfish... I say SHES being selfish.
Don't be a dick to her about it.
Don't make it into a HUGE issue.
But if you can't resolve it, get rid of her, or else your gonna be miserable.

Answer 8

Try masturbating!!! Gees, what the hell is wrong with you? Instead of cheating on your wife, why not let her know how you feel. When you feel the urge, go to the bathroom or whatever room and take care of business. If your wife has lost her sex drive, then instead of blowing it off, why not do something to get her in the mood? Gees man, don't do it. There are ways of taking care of your needs without using another woman. I'm sure you'd be pretty mad if it were your wife in your position.

Answer 9

This was my problem in my marriage. I was the same as your wife and my husband had an affair. It has devestated my whole family. Please dont do this. Cheatng is never justified. Go to your wife. Tell her how unhappy you are. Spell it out for her. Tell her what you need and what you lack and if you have to, tell her what you are considering. My husband never did any of this. He says he tried to in so many words, but I nevr listened, and maybe it was cuz he wasnt blunt enough about it. Trust me, I so would have rather have had my husband tell me was considering getting it elsewhere, than tell me he had an affair.

There were alot of reasons I just stopped putting out. You need to find out what her reasons are. How do you treat her, overall? Look at the bigger picture. Wives dont usually just stop being intimate because they have nothing else better to do and husbands dont usually just cheat because they have nothing else better to do. Your marriage has a bigger problem here than meets the eye, and unless you two communicate, its probably the beggninig of the end. My husband told me that right before I found out his affair, he was actually getting ready to leave me. These affairs are called "exit affairs". They happen when the marriage is going 'south', when communication freezes up, both partners are unhappy and neither of them are willing to talk. You might say you just want sex, a way to fullfill a need, and thats what my husband just started off wanting, but it will lead to more. This new woman will fill a void in your life, and it will eventually lead to more than just sex.

I'm just speaking from experience. YOu and your wife seem to be just like me and my husband. TALK TO HER!!!!! MAKE HER SEE HOW UNHAPPY YOU ARE!!!! MAKE HER TALK TO YOU!!!! Get to the bottom of the bigger problem. Trust me, it aint just sex.

Answer 10

When you married your wife you made an agreement to her before both families, the state, and God to be faithful to her. If she isn't meeting your needs, find a way to meet them yourself without breaking your vows.

Even better as a solution is to speak with your wife, never pressure her, and wait for her to start the action, eventually things will change and you will gets your needs filled.

When you agreed to marry your wife, you did that knowing you would spend the rest of your life with her. Better or poorer. So dont cheat. worst case, get a magazine and spend a lot of time in the bathroom.