My husband thinks he can abuse me and blame me for it. He does no wrong in his eyes.?

Question

He rides my nerves until I snap and lash out at him and he refuses to help me keep control of my temper and B.P.D. He makes everything worse. My own dad has seen the way he treats me and has never helped me. I am on the verge of suicide. My mother abused me in most every way u can think of for 19 years until (thank god) she died. I married in 2004 and my hubby has turned out to be like my mom. What did I do to deserve this torment????? HELP ME

Answer 1

you need to consult a doctor, your problems stem from more than just your husband. Contact your local family services immediatley, you need help before you and your husband bring children in this world

Answer 2

Chances are this.. you picked him because we all pick someone who is similar in ways to our own families. Even when they treat us bad or good... it's the way you are used to being treated- so you don't recognize the signs until you're too far in.
It sounds like you too may have temper issues. He's not going to be able to control you nor can you control him.
You didn't do anything to deserve anything bad happen to you.
You're an adult. When you were a child, things happened to you and scared you. Then, you had little say in what happened to you. Now you are an adult. It IS solely up to you what does and does not happen you- again now you are an adult.
Your mother is passed, your husband has nothing to do with her. You can comingle the two people. The common factor is you. YOU need to get help. We can' all be strong enough to solve these things on your own. Hang out with good friends that know your situation.. that can empathize or be compassionite to you. Make sure you are ready to make a move to better your life. Don't just committ suicide. You stated it on here bcause you want SOMEONE to stop you. Even if no one knows you.. everyone knows that's not a good idea. Even you know.. you don't really want to do it. It's an idea but don't carry it out. Think about what you want to be in life.. where you would like to be in a few years. THEN ask your self what it takes to get there. Baby steps. Call a hotline. Be strong. Then do what you outlined as the next step in your life. Don't compare yourself to others. We all have battles. Life is about overcoming them. I've been abused, and here I am. I'm okay. I feel okay NOW. It take a lot. Hang in there.

Answer 3

You didn't get the counseling you needed as a youth to see that you don't deserve that kind of treatment, so you looked for a man like you mom to keep you in your comfort zone (abused). It is NOT too late. Go to counseling immediately. Find out how to take back your power and get away from that abusing spouse of yours. If you don't know what to do first...pack a small bag while your hubby is at work and go directly to a shelter for abused women (emotional abuse counts, too). Call any church to find out the shelter closest to you, or ask the police. They can direct you there. Once at the shelter, they will tell you about counseling and help to get you on your feet and whole again. Good luck.

Answer 4

first of all, if communication does not work, leave him, Women are powerful now a days, what are you afraid of, i know no one likes to be alone, but why should YOU be the one stressing out, your not doing anything wrong, you have to find some one that has your personality, I know abuse in the past is harsh, but that does not make you who you are, Your dad was probably abused too, but who knows, its all about you, remember this, you are only a human species that is intelligent, no faith or religion is going to help, its all you, what can you do to enjoy life, get rid of all of your problems, not by suicide, thats all depression, its all in your head, its all mind over matter, your mind is stronger that you think, dont ever think weakness. Remember, you as a woman are stronger mentally, phisically, Relax your mind, bring a frown to a relaxation. breath deeply like 10 times, and just say, Im just a human species, living in a damn earth that is getting polluted every day, im just going to have a good life with out stress, i would buy my self a guitar, or a street bike, you need to experience freedom...just dont biff it. Age does not matter, its up to you.

Answer 5

First off, no one can "help you keep control of your temper and B.P.D. (Bi-Polar Disorder??)" but YOU!! You ARE NOT to blame for your husband's abuse!! Abusers love to blame the victim: "you made me mad, so I hit you." and so on, but that's just a cop out. Again, each of us is responsible for our feelings. We can choose to lash out when we are angry and verbally or physically abuse others, or we can choose to walk away until we have calmed down and can discuss the issue rationally.

If either of you needs help learning to control your temper, take an anger management class.

Is he verbally abusive, physically abusive, or both?

Spousal Abuse generally starts with verbal abuse and then escalates into physical abuse. The time frame for that varies from person to person. For a few, it never goes beyond the verbal.

If you are being abused, leave!

Go to a woman's shelter. Most cities and towns have them. Look in the yellow pages or contact your local police or social services department, they can give you the phone numbers.

You say that your mother abused you for 19 years and you are on the verge of suicide. You really need to get counseling to help you work through your issues from the abuse and to help you build your self esteem.

You are not responsible for the abuse you've received from others. No one deserves to be abused. Your mother probably had issues that she didn't know how to deal with and instead took out her frustration on you. I'm sorry she put you through that, but please don't blame yourself.

Please get help to get away from the abuse and to deal with your pain and suicidal tendencies. I will pray for you.

God Bless you!

Answer 6

Honey, you don't deserve to be tormented. I'm so sorry. Sounds like you have had a really rough life. Many times we wind up patterning in one way or another what we have been taught, whether we mean to or not. I say..get out of there. Abuse only escilates...because the abuser feeds off of the weaknesses of innocent people like yourself. Suicide may indeed cross your mind, but you must remember that you and only you have the power to change. We can all sit here and tell you that you are worthy of being loved, but until "you" believe it...nothing we have said really matters. It all starts with you...just say not one more minute of one more day and get yourself out of there. Too many times we hear the sad stories of those who were in abusive marriages and didn't get out in time. It doesn't even matter if it is words, or physical...it's still abuse. So , don't let yourself think that because he may have never hit you that you don't have it all that bad....because you do. You are suicidal for goodness sakes...he isn't worth it. If you remember nothing else, please remember that no one is worth ending your life...no one is worth being miserable over either. Good luck to you.

If you are afraid of him...call an abuse line and they can tell you what to do.

My heart goes out to you.

Answer 7

You don't deserve to be mistreated!

You need to get away from him. In fact, you probably need a lot of counseling to deal with the issues with your mom or you will forever seek out abusive situations.

You have to BELIEVE that you deserve better and then you will DEMAND better. But before that, you need counseling to sort through the issues created by your relationship with your mother.

You also need to get on proper medication to help keep the bipolar in check.

Truth

Answer 8

are you sure he is the problem and not you? i mean it's kind of weird that not even your dad helps you. i think you have to control your own temper and not rely on anyone else to. You have to take anger management classes. I also think you have to see a counselor for your abuse history. You only have one life.... thats it.... look around you, i know that is not the way you wan to live or end it.... make the best of it. No you do not deserve this.... you deserve better.

Answer 9

You did nothing to deserve this. I would suggest getting a divorce, I mean I know it seems cliche and what everyone is doing. This has means for divorce though, abuse, no one deserves that. You need to get out before you committ suicide. If your dad doesn't help you when he sees how you get treated he isn't much of a father. This isn't a good relationship to be in and for your own good you need out.

Answer 10

You need a counselor, and try reviewing http://www.drirene.com/ this site has some great information about different types of abuse. It helped me identify the abuse, and why I continually end up with abusive people.
I'm free now, going on 2 years. Its great! Only reason to kill yourself is because you feel there is no way out....but there is. And you have the strength within you to do whatever it takes to make yourself happy.

Answer 11

for some reason we do often attract people like our parents, good or bad. u did nothing to deserve this treatment, except pick the wrong mate, u certainly did not expect this when u married him, but i do believe we teach others how to treat us when we do not stand up for ourselves, when these people see we have no confidence in ourselves they think we will take anything they want to dish out and never leave. if your being abused get out of this and don't go back to him. we are all responsible for ourselves, so don't allow anyone to treat u like this.