From Marriage to the clubs...now I'm exhausted?

Question

10 year marriage failed and back out there and I hate it. I go out with my friends time and time again and each time is worse than the last. Don't get me wrong I love hanging out with my friends I'm just done with the scene. I wasn't ever looking for someone else in a club because thats just stupid, but now I'm just over the whole going out thing. I want to be back home being a boring married person, watching movies and cuddling. I know its ovr for me and my ex, but I just don't have the energy to try and find someone else. Does any of this make sense? Is there any mail order husbands, so I can bypass the dating...

Like sad I KNOW I'm not going to find a guy in a club! I just don't want to date, seems like a lot of work for something that might not even work out...

Answer 1

You ever consider the possibility that there are things to do other than clubbing, dating, and finding another mate?

Answer 2

I have been married now for almost 15 years. We each had 2 kids. We went to a marriage counsler before we were married and never lived together. The 1st five years were a serious challenge but we both went into it knowing it would be. Come on you're talking about two different households with different rules and ideas for raising children. I guess although I understand your frustration, I don't see how you could possibly be ready to thrown in the towel after a few months. Sounds like some of the problem is that the lines of communication have definitely been disconnected and I suggest you work on that through some serious counseling. It will definitely help you in the long run. It also sounds like you like putting his kids down, who by the way had no choice in choosing you for a step-mother and are probally acting out because of it. #1 you must calm down! Lots of people go through and feel the way you do but you've got to approach the sitituation when you're not so angry. Get help now so you can understand each other and get a better prospective on how to raise your family TOGETHER. If you don't kiss this marriage good-bye. Good Luck!!

Answer 3

HA HA.. I don't know if a mail order husband is the answer, but way to think outside of the box! It sounds like what you enjoyed were the aspects of marriage, but not your partner in the marriage. I was never married, but with someone for a long time and when it was over I did this same thing. I worried I had made a mistake and maybe I should not have left the relationship, but I figured out what I needed. I couldn't find it in a club, or out with friends until all hours of the night. Just because you want to find a mate doesn't mean you have to revert to tactics you used at 21. Great guys are out there all over the place... the grocery store trying feverishly to pick out bananas that aren't too ripe, looking for new shoes at the mall, next to you at the gas station or passing you on the street corner... it will happen one day when you are ready to accept the fact you are indeed looking for a realtionship. In the mean time, I suggest you check out the shoe store :-)
Next time around it will be even better.. cuddling will be even more intense, nights home will seem like the perfect place to be rather then out on the town...and when it's the right person everything comes together.
P.S. Dating shouldn't be a lot of work, if it's right it is something you WANT TO DO, not have to do!
Happy hunting!

Answer 4

My fiance and I are getting married in October. He was married for 28 years. In the business he's in, he didn't have a whole ton of options to meet women so he did the bar scene too. Said it actually depressed him more because that's not the life he lives or where he wanted to find his future wife. Luckily, we met on a fluke business thing, but you might not have any of that accessibility. So, as questionnable as this might sound, I would almost suggest trying eHarmony or Match.com. I used to be totally against online dating like that, but as I'm getting older, I'm realizing it's not the easiest thing to meet people. I mean, how many outlets are there really to meet people. If it's not work, than it's going out. If you don't want to meet someone at a club, what's your next option...go to hardware stores and hope a single guy walks by you and sees that you have no wedding ring on? I mean, come on. You've got your friends who can hopefully know single guys that can introduce you. But, the online thing, especially the ones that you have to pay for, are usually very legit and you can meet men that have the same interest as you and has just as hard of a time meeting women because they don't want to go out on the town either. Get where I'm going with this? I know it can be discouraging, be congrats on knowing what you want and not changing that just because you want companionship. Good luck and I'm sure you'll meet the next guy when and where you least expect it!

Answer 5

I'm afraid there is no bypassing the dating thing. Wouldn't you like to make sure that the second time around, the same issues don't stop you from being happily married for eternity? Skipping the dating thing or going to the arranged, set up, mail order type of thing just means you're skipping to a very brief period of wedded bliss with a following time period of anxiety and growing pains.

Skip the club scene, do your own thing....it's not half bad being alone...live out some of those experiences you didn't think you'd be able to.....and as you discover more about yourself, that guy will come along who will like you for it and you won't be alone anymore.

Answer 6

It's bound to happen. After being on a long relationship people kind of shift personal interests into maintaining the relationship going and what not. Since a significant other has been found, there's a tendency to loose interest in the things of when a person was single.
Try online courses for school, spending time doing productive things like the gym, library, or taking small vacations with your girlfriends. Schedule roadtrips or try going sightseeing to a different state by yourself. Cut parties or pubs to once a week and focus on the things that you weren't able to complete when you were in the relationship.
Find new friends with opposite interests of when you were single, or who share the same interests you have developed now.

Answer 7

I'm sorry you're going through this. My marriage ended (not by my choice) and the divorce was final in April. I don't know how long it's been since you've been divorced, but if it is recent, it's possible you're just not ready yet. I know I'm not out looking for "the one" as I really need to focus on myself right now and learn how to be "alone". I know what you mean about being a "boring married person"--I loved it and was content with my marriage. It all comes down to familiarity and routine. We both don't have that anymore and want that again...eventually. If your divorce is fairly recent, I would suggest waiting on trying to find a new relationship. You don't want to jump into another one right away just because you are alone right now. Good luck and I'll be thinking of ya!

Answer 8

I know the feeling. It's worse being a guy thinking about finding a second wife and making a second family. Most of the women left in the pool either have 4 kids from some other guy not paying support and they are looking for a walking wallet, have something really psychologically wrong with them, or are too immature.

p.s. Don't believe people who say, "Don't try and he/she will come along." That is total BS. Life is short. It is easy for loser bozos to come along without your trying, but to find someone right for you takes planning, some trickery and gaming, and proper execution. You can become more efficient, but you cannot bypass things completely.

Answer 9

heh heh........ mail order male?

I know it sucks....... and I'm sorry that your marriage ended after so long.

I would suggest that rather than hitting the clubs and bars, you instead find a hobby that holds your interest and focus. As an example, let's say you get into flying model airplanes. Maybe that's a bad example, but its all that's coming to me. Anyway, you can get into that... see if there are groups around who are also into it... and then have a social network instead of dates. I know it feels like it won't be as fun, but you might me someoene of substance instead of some random bar dude. Your church might have a single adult group... its not about romance, but about fellowship. Maybe a Parents without Partners group. There are other places. Sooner or later you'll meet your cuddle partner! Have faith!

Answer 10

I say don't sweat it you can meet a mate in the darnedest of places, church, grocery store, park gas mart anywhere I suggest you find you and give the rest time eventually if it's meant to be you will find another suitable mate or he'll find you. There is also millions of new and fun dating options, speed dating, and eharmony to name a few.
Good Luck