Wife with a guy friend, is this over the line?

Question

Background: Here's the story, I'm married to my wife for 10 years and have 3 kids. We have a married couple that are neighbors and their kids and our kids are friends. My wife is a nurse so she is home during the day alot.

Anyway, my wife and the my neighbor's husband have been talking on the phone for about 3 years now and their monthly minutes reach about 1,000. I've expressed my displeasure to my wife about it and she says they are just friends. I say that is OK, but 1000 minutes is like 30 minutes every day. Anyway, this guy is also in sales and my neighbor has seen his truck in my driveway during the day when I'm at work. When I told my wife about this she said that he stopped by a couple of times.

So I bump up our cell plan to 2000 minutes and tell the wife that she better never go over this... One month I see my bill higher so I go on-line and download my bill information. (This is when I started noticing 1000+ minutes per month to/from this guy)

I notice that there are text messages (a bunch) including messages when we were out on a date and a family party. We talk again and I say this is over the line.) Now we just got back from a family vacation and during the vacation my wife got 31 missed calls from this guy (none to me so it must not be an emergency) I've had enough and I'm now going to talk to this guy and ask what the hell is going on...

By the way, now I have looked at the wife's cell phone and she deletes these messages and they never even reference their phone calls...

I think I've waited too long to confront him, what do you all think?

I have confronted my wife and she says that they are just friends and I should be able to control who her friends are. She also told me not to confront him because it may ruin 'our' friendship with their family... At this point, I don't care about the friendship, my priority is my family.

As for me talking to another woman like that, she says that she wouldn't care if I talked to his wife this much... I told her that she is pushing me away and that I feel I should get a platonic girlfiend. I won't do that though, I'd rather just get out than keep worrying about what she is doing...

Answer 1

I would definitely talk to him. But I would confront your wife also. Ask her how she would like it if you were carrying on with this guys wife like they are doing! It is way over the line.

Answer 2

my suggestion would be to have a cook out or something, invite your neighbors and their kids over. eat, drink, be merry. then when the kids are occupied and it's just the adults, casually bring the issue up casually. Like " hey ___(his wife's name), iwas thinking maybe the four of us should get together and get on some kind of family cell phone plan or something. My wife and your husband seem to be burning up the airwaves and all our minutes, w/ all the talking/texting they're doing. Not too mention the time he's been spending over here, when i'm not home. Figured it could save us a few bucks. what do you think?" be tactful, keep cool. his wife is probably clueless. she should know as well.
i hope for both family's sakes it's not an affair, but it has all the tell-tale signs. good luck.

Answer 3

I hate to tell you this, but something is up. I'd take the cell minutes back down to 1000 and put my foot down. Then I would confront your wife about this. If she denies it, then I would confront your neighbor guy about it. If he denies it, talk to his wife. This is extremely unhealthy. Even if your families are close, you should always hang out in a group setting and there should never be a phone conversation between the opposite sexes when the spouse is not present. There needs to be more accountability here! You need to draw some lines!

Answer 4

I think you have been as understanding as you can be. There is no reason for your wife and this man to talk as much as they are, and no reason for him to have his car parked in your driveway. That is the only part of this that makes it appear NOT to be an affair. I mean if he lives next door he could park in his own driveway and walk over. If it were an affair, they wouldn't want anyone to see his truck parked in your drive. However stranger things have happened. It's time for the ole ultimatum - tell your wife it's either the neighbor or you. You've had enough and will no longer play the fool. If she even winces about this, she's sleeping with him and I would get a divorce. Good luck mister.

Answer 5

This is so far over the line that its about to come back around the other side of the line.

You know the answer......... you just haven't let it reach your brain yet. This guy and your wife AT THE LEAST have an inappropriate relationship going on....... and at the worst, they have an affair going. I would suggest that you ask HIS wife her thoughts about how much time they spend together. I would also suggest that its inappropriate for a man and a woman to be alone like they are, during the day, given that they both are married.

Sorry, bro..........

Answer 6

You go boy. Same thing happend to me about 3 years ago I found out this girl was talking to my guy and then found out she was calling him and then read an email saying she wanted to climb ___ Ladder (name was removed to hide the identity of the jerk.) I changed his cell # when I had the privilage to. Any way I was looking on my email just recently and this chick pops up on the screen. Oh i was so raging and mad I wanted to throw the comp out the window. He said she is crazy and he hasn't talked to her and then she tried to act like she wasn't the same chick and I told her off and said amazing how she had the same screen name as this other girl she shut up. I don't think anything is going on cause she hasn't .Emailed him or as far as I know called him, but if it does continue and I find out I will Leave him and take or 5 year old daughter. Yes confront the man. Screw the friendship there could be more there that is why she wants you not to do so good luck.

Answer 7

I applaud you for wanting to confront him and get facts before you jump to conclusions although I think it's pretty obvious. I'm a wife and honestly would never dream of doing anything like that. That's forbidden territory. It would be different if you were around but private conversations and text messages. No way!! You definitely need to get to the bottom of it and tell your wife you don't want her talking to him anymore unless you're around. She shouldn't have anything to say to him that she wouldn't say in front of you so it shouldn't be a big deal. If she gets all defensive and mad then she has something to hide. Plus she has no respect for you and then you're really going to need to re-think this marriage. I hate divorce but if only one person is willing to work on it than sometimes it's the only option. good luck and hope it all works out okay

Answer 8

I'd say it is well over the line. I don't use 1000 minutes a month ever talking to everyone. At least they are in an emotional affair, and I'm almost sure it is sexual too.

Answer 9

Stop kidding yourself, she is banging this guy plain and simple! Fact is most likely everyone in the neighborhood knows it and are laughing at you behind your back. You need to go home and tell her confront her about the REAL ISSUE here instead of getting suckered into talking about cell phone bills!

Answer 10

Dude, what's wrong with u.? Its way over the line and u know it.Her phone bill amount is one matter.its definitely more than this.Sorry but its 100% more than just talking.The last thing any guy wants is their wife having an intimate affair and there's nothing u can do abt it!