This might be a stretch but you people can tell me? please and thank you?

Question

storm

It did not last twenty minutes
and in that twenty minutes
a lifetime begins
in the condensed turmoil and trauma
of a chaotic summer storm
what I hear is electric and my arms ache
the walls are washed clean
left wet and smooth
in an hour they will be
shrivelling and drying in the still
shrill emptiness of a vacant room
thunder bellows
grumbles and echos
angry with the the sea perhaps
or me
the sea shifts and swells into great breakers
they form and foam and surge
rush to shore crash and splinter
they are like great grey whales breaching
turning falling back
grey on grey on grey
the sky is indiscernible
It is a world of wet
water rain
I redistribute my weight
and stretch for a better look
of the lightening ahead
the sheet of brilliant day
illuminates the air
I see a shadow, feel
a darker grey in the distance
is it the palms bending?
and more rain condensed there
and
beyond there the thunder recedes
hurries back
to shatter the possibility of silence
calmly life that old life, ancient electric life
waits with me behind the curtain
of the turbulent morning
slowly the voyage over
and the storm subsides
stops like a train entering a station
a bird calls
the sky clears
the lamps of daylight glow
the palms stand still and tall
resting
from their dance with the wet momentum
of wave and wild water
I am wrapped in the arid air and blinding light
and held
the bird calls again
and I drier now answer and suckle.

actually it is in Arts Poetry but I have an erratic mouse, I apologize for the errant Physics submission.Truly I do.

Answer 1

Please allow me to thank you, God!

Answer 2

Extremly contrived. Try not making it so wordy with description as if you are actually describing something bc that is what it sounds like. A good poem should express it's meaning in a more subtle manner. Also, you could shorten it a bit as well.

Answer 3

Shouldn't this be in the arts section. I don't mean to sound rude but Physics isn't really the place for poems.

Answer 4

very nice, but why is this in physics?
Sounds like your home got hit by a hurricane or tornado, more likely hurricane.

Good luck.

Answer 5

it didn't pass my ADD test...i couldn't make it all the way through

make it shorter

Answer 6

eh...... E = mc^2 like?