My wife went through a traumatic time before we got married and that supposedly affected her feeling anything during sex... I need some ways that would help her enjoy being with me... Thanks for trying to help.
2007-07-13 07:09:05 · 13 answers · asked by spextommy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sexual issues in a marriage are very difficult. Even though you understand that the issue centers on your wife's traumatic past, it is affecting your today. I am sure it is making you feel as if you are failing your wife in some way. It must also be frustrating for you as it seems you have tried several things and you truly want her to enjoy experience with you. You did not say if she has been to counseling regarding her trauma. If she has not, I would suggest that she start counseling. The goal of the counseling would not be for her to begin to enjoy sex, but for her to begin to heal from her past. After she has gone to a few sessions, you should both go to joint counseling together. This will help you to understand and respect each other's journey.
You are on a long road with this issue. It is not something that will be fixed in a few days or weeks. But there is hope as long as both of you are willing to work toward a solution.
Also, talk to her about what you feel and experience when you are intimate with her. Use gentle language and "feelings" language. (i.e. focus on your feelings of love, joy, intimacy, etc. rather than the physical sensations you experience. She will be able to understand and connect to your emotional experience than your physical one). This may help her to open up about some of the positive feelings she does have when she is intimate with you.
I wish you all the best in your journey with your wife. And congratulations for looking so hard for answers and solutions and not just giving up on her and the situation. That shows real character.
2007-07-13 07:37:25 · answer #1 · answered by Bonnie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I must applaud you for taking the time to try to figure out ways to help her. She has to decide for herself if she wants to spend the rest of her life being a victim. She has to take charge of her own feelings and get some help if that's what it takes. Sometimes being loving and patient isn't enough if she's dwelling on what happened to her. Be gentle with her, lots of kisses and soft touches and stop at that on occasion. Don't just start that and then go for sex. Maybe she just needs to feel safe. Good luck to you both.
2007-07-13 07:41:41 · answer #2 · answered by lovelee1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude same boat. Wife's father passed away..hasnt been the same since.....I've been trying for years now to make it better and Im about to just look elsewhere for attention......best thing was her Doctor getting her perscribed Lexipro (a mild antidepressant) . She admitted she felt better and things were improving but she couldnt remember to take it everyday and stopped all together and now were back where we started from.
Oh I tried toys and outfits...shes not touching them...still in the box really..
2007-07-13 07:21:15 · answer #3 · answered by Mergler 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not knowing what the trauma was, it is hard to answer. Be patient with her, let her know you love her unconditionally and within time things should get better. There are places you can touch a woman that will drive her wild. Have you found all of them?
2007-07-13 07:29:51 · answer #4 · answered by raininonsunday 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Would it be asking too much as to what this 'traumatic' time was? It couldn't be a physical thing because you used the word 'time' instead of event.
2007-07-13 07:15:02 · answer #5 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
time really is the healer of all wounds. but the amount of time is undetermined. it'll vary from person to person, situation to situation.
just give her time and in the mean time, do other sensual, but not sexual, romantic things for her. totally re-sweep her off her feet and see where that road takes your sex life
blessings and luck to you
2007-07-13 07:29:19 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she has some unresolved issues that have nothing to do with your sexual abilities. She needs to seek therapy to work through whatever issues she is having - someone who specializes in sexual issues would be preferable.
2007-07-13 07:23:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe toys or the stimulating lotions....they have some really good ones out there now, I would look into that!
2007-07-13 07:12:24 · answer #8 · answered by Lauras78 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need wespir in her ears with love words that make woman horny during sex
2007-07-13 07:16:04 · answer #9 · answered by hussam f 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe seeing a dr would be the first order of bizz. aplaud you though in your concern,because i can just imagine how u feel as well...
2007-07-13 07:16:17 · answer #10 · answered by keithleyjustin 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋