Life growing up as an only child with no family left...help?

Question

I have children (2), no family. Once my husband and I pass, my children will be growing up alone.
My family is all older, will be gone in a few years, my husband's are also and they live in Germany - no contact for many generations.
No cousins, Aunts Uncles, nothing.
What if something happens to one of them as they grow older...then 1 will be left alone.
Yeah I know - they'll develp friendships and all, but nothing is like family. Who will attend their weddings, graduations, etc...I'm really worried and sitting here in tears thinking about this, as I do quite often. I feel I'm at fault for not having built bonding relationships with more than a few friends (childless) Any advice, help or insight you can provide will be greatly appreciated.

Answer 1

it's not too late to make a bond of friendship with anyone. join your church community and create that loving bond with them. some people like you who doesn't have a blood relative are blessed with extended families.

invite your childrens friends at home and get to know them better. in that way, you will be assured of their friendship through the years and get to know their families too. you don't need a lot of friends. two or three that can be trusted are better than having a lot that are not sincere or care enough.

it's not too late and remember and don't forget to pray. maybe you can send letters to your long lost friends and revive that lost friendship. take care.

Answer 2

Your children are not going to be missing out on anything in relation to their peers. Not many big families exist anymore in Europe, the USA or East Asia. (when is the last time you personally met a mom in the USA who has given birth to more than 7 children?). As other countries become more industrialized (and thus more expensive), their families will become smaller as well. It even defies religion -- for example Abortion and Birth Control are both legal in Italy (and widely used) even though the majority of the population is Catholic and the Vatican is in Rome! Small families are necessary in the modern world.

With the introduction of birth control and family planning in modern times, families got smaller right away. Most women don't want to have a lot of children, but in the past they did because there was no alternative.

Also, smaller families becoming more common as we move away from an agrarian society to a technological one. In agriculture, having as many children as possible is profitable since they can help on the farm. For example, my grandmother was 1 of 7 surviving children (great grandma gave birth to more, but some did not survive) they all grew up on a farm and worked from a very Young age. The family was able to survive even during the Depression, because each child could start contributing to the family income right away (taking care of chickens, milking cows, growing vegetables, and picking apples can be done at a very young age).

In a technological society, children cost a lot of money, but are unable to provide any income. Also, prolonged education and the liberation of women means that people start families older, and have less fertile years together. Families are just getting smaller in the 1st world. This is not a bad thing, considering that the environmental impact of 1 single 1st world child is equal to that of 20+ 3rd world children!

You remember a time when families were bigger, your kids won't.

Answer 3

It's not your fault that life turned out that way. But think of how lucky you are - a husband and two kids! That's more than a lot of people have. You should be proud that you built such a strong family, and hopefully, you will live to see your family grow - not only grandchildren, but great-grandchildren. You should enjoy your life, instead of worrying about the unforeseeable future. And, it's still not too late to form new relationships - join a community group, church/temple, or get involved with your kids' school. If you are open minded, you will not have difficulty making new friends.

Answer 4

First off, quit worrying as it isn't going to solve anything! My husband and I are basically in the same boat. I do have an older brother but that's it. What we have learned to do over the years is make our own family. I mean, we have two kids, but we have also made some great friendships and consider them family as they do us. What we have taught our children is that families don't have to be blood relatives, as long as there is love, that is what counts. I mean think about it. IF you had siblings, your sibling's spouse would still be considered an aunt or uncle to your children, yet there is no blood tie. See how that works, yet the love would be there nonetheless.

Answer 5

Please don't go around thinking the worst will happen. Do you have a very very good friend that could be a godmother to them? Sometimes we get family members we are not too proud of. It is then that you meet those wonderful friends that one can call "brother" or "sister" as you wonder why you two weren't born in the same family. Built a lasting good relationship with these friends, especially the ones who love your children, this way you know they will always have someone. Genetics is not everything.

Have a great life.

Answer 6

You seem to be suffering from anxiety. You really should talk to a doctor about this. This seems like such an overwhelming problem and you are worrying about something you have no control. First, your children will build their own lives. I have no family except my mom and my sisters (my father is deceased) I haven't talked to my dad's side of the family since I was 7 and most of my mom's side passed away when I was young. The few people that are left, I don't see or know very well. But I have made a life for myself. I am married, I have two children and I am happy. When my mom passes it will just be me and my sisters. I may add that me and my sisters aren't' even that close. We talk occasionally. I haven't seen either of them for about a year. I'm happy though. I have my husband and my kids and my friends. I have a full life, so stop worrying about your kids.They will be fine. Even if you have made more friends, that is no guarantee that your kids would have bonded with them to the point of asking for help if they needed it. The best thing you can do for your kids now, is teach them to be self reliant so chances are they won't need anyones help to survive. Please relax and talk to your doctor. You shouldn't be sitting around crying about this. We all want the best for our kids, but this seems to be something more for you. (his family is alive, but they are scattered, so they aren't close either. It's mainly just us and our friends, but I don't see that as a negative thing)

Answer 7

You should be happy that your children are healthy and well....Not everyone has a perfect family....I have many aunts, uncles, and cousins and yet I live as if they don't exist because they all basically live their own life and is not around as much....I have three boys and they are my family believe it or not....They will have families of their own one day and hopefully I will be around to share in those moments...If not, I hope they will rely on one another as brothers as they do now..Family can be whoever is close to you...I am very fortunate for having great friends that are like sisters that are always there for me and my boys....So you shouldn't really be upsetting yourself...Your children will be fine in making some lasting friendships when they get older and building families of their own......

Answer 8

I'm so sorry to hear that this is causing you so much pain. It is not your fault that this is the way it turned out. Everything happens for a reason. Hopefully they will meet some wonderful people and you never know, someone may adopt them into their family(I claim several other than my own). Just remember that you have done the best that you can as a parent and they will take care of the rest. Try not to worry so much much about something that has not happened yet. I wish you the best of luck!!

Answer 9

I would encourage your children to be very active in different clubs and orgaizations. Get them use to interactng with alot of different people. Since they won't have family in the future then they need to develope their friendships into that closeness. I am in the shape situation, and I have a handful of friends that I would trust my life with. I lost my only bother 28 years ago and I thought we'd be together forever. I wish I had family, but you have to build the best life you're given. There's an old saying "that you can't chose your family, but you can chose your friends". So all their friends will be loving and close..... sometimes family isn't.....Just help them learn self confidence and give them a good education and a love of life and they will have a very full life, with or without family.

Answer 10

This sounds terribly familiar, especially those who come from European backgrounds - and those who grew up during the second world war. I know as my parents were the same way.

It is good that you see this as an issue. Most may not see this until it is all too late. It is time for you to instill the values of being family and all that it entails into your children.

But, don't be so hard on yourself. Finding good, solid friends in this world are hard enough. Be thankful that you have them. it's not the quantity, but the quality of the relationship that counts.