We were together 2 years and he cheated then with someone who had the same first name& oh yeah we were engaged also. I stayed with him, things started to go great now we have 2 wonderful kids. Just after we had been together 7 years we got married & things were still great then about 7 months after that I noticed he was acting funny. He was talk to a girl who lived in Washington and we live in Michigan. He had to order parts from her over the phone for his job, after talking to her daily for 6 months they started to get a bit close and then they decided to meet. He took our money from our family and spent over a thousand dollars to meet her in Vegas 1 week before our 1st wedding anniversary. So anyway, I figured it all out on my own before it went down but he insisted on going up North to someones cabin from work anyway because of all the problems we were having.Now 1 year later we work for the same place and the co worker said he never went up there.Do I ask him about it or let it go?
2007-07-13 05:04:15 · 24 answers · asked by so lost in life 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dear Brandi,
Here is the Voice of Experience answering your question, I lived through the very same behavior at almost the same times in my relationship with my ex-husband. Don't make my mistakes. Leave him. He is an adulterer and you don't need to be tied to a liar, a thief, and a cheat. If you know about two incidents, believe me, there are five or six you don't know about.
Don't fall for his suggestion that "we keep this as simple as possible" and share an attorney. You and the children need your own interests represented (I didn't fall for that line) because he has NEVER had any of you come first in his life.
As far as he is concerned, it's all about him and his sexual attractions. Take him for everything you can, because he will not honor his word (he has already shown that), and you will need all you can get to keep you and the children afloat. I know it sounds harsh, and I hate that it does, but you are going to be dealing with the real world on your own and you will need it. He will not come through for you after the divorce, this type never does.
Good luck, darlin'. I'm sorry for your pain. Keep close to God. You will need his healing. Hugs!!!
2007-07-13 05:22:38 · answer #1 · answered by Peanut 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would have left him the first time. Once a cheat always a cheat. However you stayed with him. He sounds like a creep. You alone can decide if you ask him about it. How did you know he spent 1000 dollars on her? Why didn't you recycle him thru the garburettor then and there? You are a tolerant soul aren't you?
Well given your kind personality I guess you ought to ask him and then tell him if he plays around again you are offski. Either way he is a liar and on the basis of what you say he is going to seek comfort elsewhere either sooner or later.
2007-07-13 05:13:18 · answer #2 · answered by pwwatson8888 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If one year has gone by i would personally let it go unless some new recent evidence arises. If everything is going OK now, you don't want to bring up bad history and cause a whole new chain of problems. This situation is bad I will give you that but raising children in a fighting environment is something every family needs to avoid. Move forward appreciating everything good about the relationship and if something happens again, don't question it..its over.
2007-07-13 05:12:55 · answer #3 · answered by Ryan J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't be with someone who cheated on me in the first place. Husband or not. Kids or not. you deserve to be with someone who is faithful. he doesn't even still deserve to be with you right now. This doesn't even need to be discussed. A hurt and angry mom , makes for miserable and confused children. This guy has got to go. It doesn't matter how many times a guy cheats, or who he cheats with or even how long ago it was. All that matters is that he cheated and he is NOT worthy of you. He didn't just cheat on you he has cheated on your family. Get an attorney and get a divorce. There's no more questions to be asked. You know the answer to your question already otherwise you wouldn't be thinking about it. Even with two kids you can get a man who will love you and treat you right. You and your kids. Good Luck
2007-07-13 05:12:10 · answer #4 · answered by ninthwonder27 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
After the first time....should have been a sign. Some people still stay though with hopes of change. I am sure I would think twice as well if I felt really strongly that he would change....I always give the benefit of the doubt unfortunately. HOWEVER...you cannot change someones habits.
If you want to fix it.....Ask him why he does it. Is he insecure? What are you lacking that you could help change/fix? Is it him? What does he need from that intimcy that he is not getting from you?
I wouldn't stay with him at all. He has disrespected you more than once. He not only disrespected you, but also your children by taking money from your family savings to screw up his marriage and fidelity. Makes no sense to me why you are with him, but that is your choice.
2007-07-13 05:35:16 · answer #5 · answered by NYC Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheater always a cheater, ever herd that saying? It is true. It might be all the time , but they will cheat.
You are either going to put up with it or leave him. It will not get easier and what if he get someone pregnant or even worse, you get a disease that is not curable?
You deserve better and you can find someone that will respect and treat you good. Your husband must treat you good other than the fact he cheats or you wouldn't of stayed with him so long.
It is the respect that you are not getting. Leave him and find you a man that you deserve.
2007-07-13 05:15:52 · answer #6 · answered by shannon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
AWWWWWWW what is your problem. You found out he's cheated on you twice and your wondering whether or not he's cheated on you again? Wake up girl. Yes he was at the cabin with another women. I used to always cheat on my boyfriends, but I have never cheated on my husband...ever. If he has cheated on you once, he will cheat on you again. Get out before you start looking like a fool. You deserve so much better than that ***. You've only been married 2 years!? I'm sorry, but it's doomed. Married life is not easy for most couples like mine. We have to work at it everyday, just because of our different values and financial crap. If your bringing adultery into a marriage, it's just too much drama and pain. Get out and get child support, your better off.
2007-07-13 05:14:11 · answer #7 · answered by sun day 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't ever stay with any man who cheated on me twice. Once, you try to forgive and get some counseling. Twice...he'd be gone! He is going to continue this pattern until the day you die unless you lay down the law, You have two little kids. When they catch on to their daddy's habits they will learn a lesson: If you are a woman, you tolerate cheating spouses OR if you are a real woman, you DO NOT tolerate cheating spouses. Which do you want them to learn?
2007-07-13 05:11:27 · answer #8 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dump the chump and move on. You know very well he went to Vegas - he just got creative with the money to make it look like he didn't go. Open your eyes and find a lawyer. Good luck.
2007-07-13 05:21:13 · answer #9 · answered by raininonsunday 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He has a severe lying and cheating problem. It is doubtful he will change, but it is possible.
You have three choices: Dump him now, Get couples and individual counseling, or do nothing and live with him the way he is.
My opinion -- you deserve a lot better. Good luck.
2007-07-13 05:09:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋