My husband & I are going through a divorce. He left me 2 1/2 months ago for another woman who is now pregnant, possibly with his kid. our legal separation will be official on Tuesday. This past Tuesday, he send me a text message talking about how he can't get a job, he's going to go bankrupt, he's going to have a nervous break down, he's more & more depressed every day, that he knows he brought it all on himself, & that he "wakes up every morning feeling like a worthless piece of crap". this came COMPLETELY out of the blue. Then on Wednesday, when I saw him, he acted like nothing at all was wrong. & again yesterday afternoon -- like nothing was wrong. him & i were just talking away as if nothing ever changed. then last night, he called me crying. for 30 minutes he went on about how he's so sorry for ruining our 2 y/o daughter's life & how he wants to go to sleep and never wake up again. i did my best to console him as this makes me think he's suicidal. (see below for more)
2007-07-13 04:50:05 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
[sorry it took so long to add this - computer problems. thanks to everyone who had already replied without this added information]
he kept saying "there are things i want that i know i can't have". and when I asked him what these things were, he paused for several minutes then said "i can't tell you". I dont understand why he's crying to me and spilling out all his feelings to ME when he has someone else he wants to be with!?!? any advice would be great, i'm at a loss???
2007-07-13 05:09:38 · update #1
Focus your energy on your daughter's well being. You've no responsibility for his actions and you can't control his actions. Time to move on.
2007-07-13 06:45:03 · answer #1 · answered by broncoFan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may have bi-polar. However he may actually be feeling guilty. Guilt is healthy in adulterers and cheats. It focuses the mind. Have nothing to do with him emotionally from now on. Other good folk here have advised you to tell him to seek medical help. Do. Remember cheating is the one thing that makes divorce legitimate. The man is an emotional juvenile who now wants to run to Mommy. Don't be weakened by his behavior. Be strong and look after yourself. The people here are all feeling for you, some are praying for you. Be strong and do not let this man damage you more. He has NOT ruined your 2 year old's life. You are not going to be without a man forever. If you took him back and he got a job and made good he'd leave you again. Wash your hands of him.
2007-07-13 05:09:05 · answer #2 · answered by pwwatson8888 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with leysarob. He's trying to get you to assuage his own guilt at what he's doing. Do not give this man any sympathy. Tell him that if he's truly sorry, he will get some professional counseling, leave the other woman and find a job. Only after he's done all that for several months should you ever consider taking him back, 'cause he'll do it again. Do not worry about his suicide talk. That's to make you feel sorry for him, so he can continue his bad behavior.
2007-07-13 05:04:29 · answer #3 · answered by Wiser1 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I unfortunately work in the legal field.
His behavior is manipulative. I see this all the time. He shouldn't be communicating with you and vice versa. Sorry to be harsh but you should wake up and smell the coffee. He never had any sympathy for you when he was impregnating another woman.
Tell him to cry on "the other woman's" shoulders. Leave your shoulder open to meet a nice guy.
Good luck.
2007-07-13 05:01:37 · answer #4 · answered by The It Girl ∆☻乐 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, as a general rule, people contemplating suicide are usually quiet and reserve, withdrawing into themselves and I dont see that here. He is probably just trying to make you feel sorry for his situation and to get you to take him back and this is his only way he knows how to do this. Men really do understand the consequences of what will happen if he gets caughso he should have known this was going to happen when he did it and only has himself to blame for it. Do what is right for your and your daughter cause you have to live with your decision here. Good luck
2007-07-13 05:01:09 · answer #5 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it may be the hardest thing you will ever have to do but you should limit your talks with him to only things about your child. He needs to work out his own issues now- HE LEFT YOU, not the other way around so why isnt he dealing with these problems with the woman is he with now....? Move on, eventually this could bring you down as well, and then who will your daughter have? Good Luck.
2007-07-13 04:55:21 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
He wants you to feel quilt for what he has done. Tell him that he made his bed he needs to lie in it. My ex-husband done the same thing. He even went as far as to try to kill himself. We have a seven year old son together.
If you must talk to him only talk to him about your children. It is not your fault what happen. You don't need the stress of him even more than what he has already done to you and your children.
I'm telling you don't talk to him on a personal level it won't get easier. I know you care for him, but look at what he has done and is doing now.
You want to help him, leave him alone. He can go to his pregnant girlfriend for help and conversation.
Your children are the only ones needing to talk to him now.
Good Luck.. I been there
2007-07-13 05:00:17 · answer #7 · answered by shannon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He wants the best of both worlds - his new girlfriend and child, and his comfortable "old" life with his wife and other child.
He is having periods of regret, but too bad. He made his choice. I would not be very forgiving at all. Tell him to go cry on his new woman's shoulder.
2007-07-13 04:56:47 · answer #8 · answered by ♥≈Safi≈♥ ☼of the Atheati☼ 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's depressed. Encourage him to go to the doctor and get evaluated to see if medication will help him get through this time in his life - you could also suggest that he attend therapy, as well. Then tell him that you are not available to hear about his horrible life anymore as you can't fix it, only he can.
2007-07-13 04:55:50 · answer #9 · answered by Stefka 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course he feels guilty -- he acted selfishly with no concern for the pain and hurt he put you and your child through.
He's trying to get you to say it's OK, he wants you to make him feel better.
It's his bed he made, let him lie in it. You don't have to be mean or vindictive, but he's not really your problem any longer. He needs to put on his big boy panties and get on with his life.
2007-07-13 05:00:35 · answer #10 · answered by leysarob 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
call 911 most states have if you report a suicidal person they can pick them up and hold them for 24 hours. Maybe he now sees what he had was good and he destroyed that. Its up to you if you are going to forgive him or not and help him get it together.
2007-07-13 04:55:00 · answer #11 · answered by Cutie Pie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋