I'm 47, married and happy with my choices in life. My husband and I are swingers and have been for over 15 years, we love this lifestyle and I am asking that you please don't judge us for our choice. He and I both have wonderful sex lives but I have a fantasy that I have had for years. I have asked my husband to choose a man to fulfill my fantasy without any warning to me, with the use of all safe words of course. This is a rape fantasy. Yesterday I met the perfect candidate and I want to let my husband know but I don't want him to feel that I don't trust his decission or choice of a man. I need a way to tell him of this man without effecting his ego, can anyone help? If you do not approve of our lifestyle please do not lecture, this is our life not yours.
2007-07-13 04:45:25 · 32 answers · asked by Patricia W 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
With the open relationship you already have, just tell him and then have fun. I am not a swinger and would never be, but if it is a fulfilling part of your life, then enjoy, be careful and most importantly, have FUN.
2007-07-13 04:53:40 · answer #1 · answered by YouWishYouWereMe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess tell him that you have found someone that you think would be a good choice to fullfill your fantasy and get his opinion on the guy. You will want to make sure that the guy in question is really into doing this and you want to make sure that your husband is ok with your choice as well. I don't judge and to each their own with what they do with their life. Fantasies are great to keep the marriage spiced up, but, I have to say in all honesty, I am not sure why anyone would want to experience a rape as a fantasy. Even if there are safe words in place. Rape is Rape and there is nothing remotely desirable about having it done to you. Being raped takes away your diginity, security and feelings of being safe. Besides that, if both parties are agreeable, it is not considered rape. What happens if you do let your husband choose a guy to do this for you and you do not have any knowledge of what the guy looks like and someone comes at you and does rape you only it is not the guy that your hubby has chosen. I guarantee that you will never look at sex the same way again. It can scar you for life.
2007-07-13 05:15:06 · answer #2 · answered by bluemysti 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Although I don't understand nor agree with your life I can not judge you. I really find it odd that you would have a problem telling him you found the man for the job but, have the life style of a swinger. I don't think your husband has an ego problem as if he did he would not be comfortable with this lifestyle.
2007-07-13 04:56:09 · answer #3 · answered by Kat G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My best guess is that if you both are happy with swinging, then your husband wouldn't be hurt or offended by your telling him that this is the guy you want to fulfill your fantasy. Why not tell him what you want? It seems that you must have supportive and relatively open communication in order to have been swinging for 15 years. Additionally, it's your power/sexual fantasy, right? Why give him all the power? (And who's to say you wouldn't want to do it again with someone of his choosing?)
2007-07-13 04:52:38 · answer #4 · answered by tmhd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to set up a "chance" meeting and then give your husband hints about this man being the one. I think you are trying to make this fantasy totally safe for you, which is right, but you should trust your hubby to find someone on his own. You have trusted him for the last 15 years, why stop now?
2007-07-13 05:26:42 · answer #5 · answered by raininonsunday 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am no one to judge--if that is what fires the pan then you have at it!!
Since you obviously have a very open and communicative relationship, I don't see how he would be offended if you told him of this man. It is YOUR fantasy, so I would think that it would be ok for you to tell him. If it were HIS fantasy to watch someone "rape" you--then I could see him being offended. Just tell him that this is the man that you thought would be great for the fulfillment of your fantasy.
2007-07-13 04:55:37 · answer #6 · answered by Austins Mom 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell him hey honey you know that fantasy of mine we were talking about?? Well I think I have found a guy that would be perfect for it, if you haven't already though of someone that is. If you guys are cool with all of this then I'm sure this will be ok, you just happened to run across the right guy before he did.
2007-07-13 04:52:36 · answer #7 · answered by 0 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Carefull Sweets! He may think you have a motive. Ask him how he would feel about you suggesting someone. Mention that you saw someone, but want his opinion. Say something like, "I know you will pick the right person, but maybe this guy should be a canidate?" If he agrees, have him approach the guy. Have you tried adultfriendfinder? B-t-w, as a couple that has dabbled in this, we both choose. Neither would want the other picking.... You can email if you want as I won't go into much about this in a public realm....
2007-07-13 04:57:44 · answer #8 · answered by mrsbrandyhall 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like your husband is the one in control of your sex life. Otherwise, he wouldn't have a problem with you picking out the man you want to fulfill your fantasy. Since he will have a problem with it, leave it to him - you've let him control it all since now and he won't like the change.
2007-07-13 04:53:19 · answer #9 · answered by Stefka 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honey you have to be blunt with men they don't have a clue about what we women want or are thinking.. Introduce him to the other man and say something to hubby like that guy looks very powerful a woman wouldn't have a chance stoping him from taking what he wants , and if he (your hubby) don't take the hint say honey that's the Man!!
2007-07-13 04:56:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋