Is this a Bad idea?

Question

My husband and I have been having difficulties for a while now. Well, now he's decided to be gone 3-4 times a week and gone on the weekends. We also have a 2 year old son and so I am the primary caretaker now. I really love my husband and he and I are trying to work things out. But here's my delimma, I am wanting to take a trip in October with my son (Just he and I) just to get a way. On the way I would like to stop and visit with a friend of mine. This friend is a guy I have known for many, many years and I used to have feelings for him, But I don't think he felt the same, but now I have grown out of it. Well, my friend and I have been talking a lot lately and I am getting mixed feelings about how he feels about me. We were on the phone last week and he almost said "I love"...then he caught himself and said "Later" as we were hanging up. I am confused,...My heart say's "stay away this is not good." But I would like to see him and say hi. Is this a really bad idea, to see him???

Answer 1

What follows is only an opinion and should be treated as such: When relationships experience difficulties (as all of them do) there is an element of temptation introduced into the mix almost supernaturally to test us on a variety of levels....(how much do I value this person I'm with, how much does she value me, did I make a mistake years ago by choosing A instead of B; am I making a mistake now by staying with A instead of B), and it's no surprise that that's when some old interest from the past finds their way innocently back into the picture...because subconsciously we're open to the possibilities since we fear we've missed something along the way. It's not wrong, and it's plausibly innocent, but at that point the stage is set for disaster. You're vulnerable in a way you've never been before BECAUSE you're having relationship difficulties. Before the problems started, you wouldn't have even considered letting this other person be in the equation, innocently or otherwise; the fact that this has now changed is telling of the vulnerable state you're now in, and a strong warning to exercise greater caution. Sometimes relationships (even good ones) are mine fields; they grow by successfully negotiating and surviving trials and tests of all sorts. This is one such test...I don't know how to advise you how to handle it other than to say keep your eyes open at all times. But if you successfully navigate through this set of problems, you'll have a battle-tested relationship that's stronger for having endured. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

I can understand that trying to fix the marriage you sort of "split" up, a bit.
Usually if there is still sparks between you and husband, this "split up" will not last very long, you both will miss each other, especially he will miss his son v.v.
I dont see that happens in your post here, seems both of you are happy for not being together.

So if the spark is not there, and you rather make phone calls with another man, I think you better get divorce.

It is a bad idea while you still married to visit your friend which you say there are feelings between you two because I saw so many women end up becoming a loser that way.

Instead of they have 2 guys in their life, they lost 2 plus an unhappy child(ren). You better have only one and happy with it.

So be carefull. Make up your mind! If you want to fix it , then fix it! Do something about it.
If you think it will not work, then get out from it.
Like driving, you shouldn't drive on the road line.
It's common rule.

Answer 3

It's a very bad idea to see this guy... if you visited him, it would send the message that you're interested in him as more than a friend....

if you value your marriage you will work on that, instead of seeking comfort outside of the relationship.

meanwhile, if your husband is spending so much time apart, it doesn't sound good, and looks like you two need to make a decision, and have a discussion about your marriage. where does he go all of these times? does he have another love interest? You didn't say.

even if your marriage doesn't last, it's not a good idea to go from that relationship straight into another. Rebound relationships rarely work! people need time to grieve, and adjust when they break up.. and it takes more time than a couple weeks or months. After all you have said that's going on, you have a lot to deal with and nothing to give to a new relationship, hon.

i sure hope everything works out well for you. sounds like you're experiencing a lot of lonliness and confusion... and i wouldn't feel much different, if i were in your shoes.

Answer 4

Your husband is gone 3-4 days a week & weekends? Thats pretty much all week. It seems like he has already checked out of your family. If you want to make it work you need to fix that problem first or just end it before you go see another guy. If you & said guy are just friends and you want nothing further than go say hi. If you feel it will go further - stay away from him.

Answer 5

Your husband is gone on weekends and 3-4 times a week.
What kind of marriage is this? I would be moving on. Also,
this other guy sounds nice but, don't think I would bring my 2 year old around another man.

Answer 6

you are married regardless to the issues you are going through don't go see a man you know has feelings for you. Why on earth would you introduce your child to this so called friend. I think that is careless. friends or not you shouldn't be going to see anyone. You need to take care of home first. Do your dirt without your child. That is disrespectful!!!! If you really loved your husband you would seek family counseling and stop talking to this man who has a thing for you and it seems as if you have a thing for him as well. Look at if as if this was your husband doing this. You would be hurt.

What happens when little Timmy says "daddy guess what me and mommy did this weekend. We went to see cousin MArk and he and momie were jumping on the bed under the covers" That's not a good look!

Answer 7

Dear Amy,

At the present time, it is not only a bad idea to visit with this friend, it is a bad idea to communicate at all with him. Until you have reached a resolution with your husband, you should not involve a third party. You are married whether or not your husband is under the same roof. You are still bound by vows and by law. If you wish to see this other man, you need to be free to do so. Right now you are not free.

Sorry. :(

Answer 8

I think that you and your husband need counseling or at least you do. With your husband being gone all the time, you are looking for love and support from another man. you have to take care of a small child all day by yourself and your husband is forever on the go so of course you feel lonely. good luck sweetie.

Answer 9

I think that you have to look at the big picture. You are married but it doesn't seem to be working out to well. How important is your marriage to you? If you want to try to work it out and think that there is hope for you then don't make things worse by getting involved with another man, and risk hurting three people. If you ready to get out of your marriage. get out of it THEN go see the other guy. Either way you owe your marriage either a chance or a ending before you get involved with someone else. be sure of what you want to do before you do it.

Answer 10

OK...lets be real here. You know in your heart that if you see your friend, that you will end up committing some kind of infidelity. And you claim you still love your husband? What if your husband were doing the same thing with one of his "friends"? There is never a justification to cheat.