Stay At Home Mom Divorced After 27 Years of Marriage. Can't Get Disability. What Can I Do?

Question

After 27 years in a abusive relationship I got divorced 2 years ago. I stayed at home and raised my 3 children. Ex didn't want me to work. Over the last 15 years of marriage I was hit with excruciating back pain, rib and muscle pain. Went to 13 doctors. They finally said that I have Fibromylagia as well as numerous other medical conditions. I thought that I could get Disibility. Not true if you haven't worked in the last ten years before your disibility. In two years I will be broke. I am on Vicodin and Morophine for the pain . Ex doesn't pay any alminomy as the court appointed case worker just didn't get it through her head that I couldn't. In the meantime the Ex is working getting paid $15.00 per hour, can retire in another year, collect his Social Security and Pension. There is 9 years difference in our age so I have to wait until I 'am 59 1/2 to collect Social Security. Can I take Ex back to court to get alimony? Any other suggestions?

Answer 1

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Answer 2

My heart goes out to you. You are going to have lead a very different life but remember - different can be better! You need to have the mindset that this is a chance for you to live your life according to your own wishes and dreams. First, you will get child support and if hubby is making good money then you will get good support for 4 kids. You should also make sure that the divorce requires him to put aside a certain amount of money into some type of educational saving plan for each kid. He should also be required to split the costs of all the extras the kids want to participate in. Second, depending on the ages of the kids - you will have to start working pretty soon. You should have a plan to present to the judge of how you can return and finish college in the next few years and what type of career you would like to pursue. If you are able to show a good, realistic plan for getting on your feet the judge is more likely to give you alimony to support you during that transitional time. In some states you are also likely to get alimoney because of the "implied agreement" you and your husband had during your marriage - that you would stay home and give up your earning power and he would go out and increase his earning power. Third, the burden should NOT be all on you. He is still the dad. He may have to start learning how to take care of kids, juggle schedules, prepare dinners. Make sure that if he is a loving capable dad he gets lots of time with the kids. That is time you can use to improve yourself, go to school, etc. The most important thing to focus on is how to help these kids through this very difficult transition. Remember, they will take all their cues from you and hubby. If you two remain kind and civil towards each other it will help your children deal with this situation. Again, remember to protect your husbands time with the kids as much as you protect your time with the kids. The children's issues are separate from the money issues and the two should never be confused!! Good luck.

Answer 3

Here is a truth. When you ex retires, you get his social security and pension. You don't have to wait until YOU are of age, it's not your social security. Since you never worked, you have nothing coming to you in your name. But as I said, when he retires, you get your portion of his SS and pension. Don't believe me? Look it up on the SSA (Social Security Administration) website. Since you've been married to him longer than 10 years, even if he remarries now, you still get his benefits. So, sit back, don't do anything just yet and DON'T tell him. If you do he may not retire next year just to spite you. So be patient and keep your mouth shut. As for the disability, you sure sound disabled to me. I would get another attorney, a good one, and fight it. Good luck.

Answer 4

Wow, this is a rough crowd. First of all, sorry for your situation. No one understands abusive relationships unless they're actually in one.

If the pain is manageable with medication, I'd say you should probably start looking for a job. As rough as that is, that's probably how it has to be. Start applying at temp jobs. All you need are basic computer skills, and they will pay you around $10 an hour, at least. Plus you can get benefits as well.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Not sure if every state has this but you can draw off his SS if you have been married over 25 years. Also have you checked into state aide? I would try and take him back to court, I would also speak with an attorney about not getting disability most states have SDI (state disability insurance) Good Luck, hope you feel better.

Answer 6

you need to get a job. Not to be rude. But you divorced him. It's time to start thinking how to take care of yourself. I give stay at home moms much respect but at the same timeyou should have been keep updated and when you decided to divorce is when you should have head back out into the world and look for a job or at least go to a temporary service. You have to start somewhere. Right now you are at ground zero.

Answer 7

I understand your situation- you had an agreement with your husband that you would be a stay at home mom while he worked and provided monetary support. A lot of couples have done this. Contact a legal aid and try to take him back to court for spousal support.

Answer 8

It's definitely worth another try in court. You should be able to collect alimony if if you're not disabled, since you never worked.

Answer 9

I don't know what state you live in, but if you live in a community property state, he should pay you aliomony. Go see a lawyer, file a Spousal and Child support claim, if he still isn't paying, go to the judge that ordered the claim and tell him he is not paying, he will start deducting it from his check, you should have also been awarded half of his assets, real property, 401k, retirement. etc.

Answer 10

get a job