When my husband and I met and got together, I was a little worried because he has such a strong sex drive and he can't seem to keep his hands off of himself. He used to look at other women a lot in my presence. I told him it bothered me, and he has made an attempt not to do it with me around...well as much as he can anyways. Well, I caught my husband looking at pics of women on a dating site last night, and I am mad and hurt. I give this man what he needs...although obviously not enough, I'm not a machine after all. Well between the pics and the excessive masturbation I am worried. The most unusual thing about this situation, I feel...is that my husband is 5'7" and 325 lbs., and I am 5'3", 145lbs. How is it that I can't keep this man satisfied? What should I do about his sexual obsessions and the fear I have that he may or already has cheated on me? How do I begin to repair my self-esteem which is about nil right now? HELP???
Thanks
2007-07-13 04:25:13 · 15 answers · asked by Roseamond 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
sometimes we get married without considering the fact that the person we are with will probably never change... so if you love each other, you probably need to talk with your husband and tell him how you're feeling, in the calmest, kindest way possible. this doesn't mean you can't say you're upset with him, because i see that you are....
i'd suggest talking with a therapist about your self-esteem issues.... and the rest of it.
if your husband sees you're making an effort to deal with this, he might be willing to compromise and go along with you.. maybe he's a sex addict? I don't know, really.
there is a sex addicts anonymous group out there, also. perhaps you can find it online if you do a search?
i hope things work out for both of you.
2007-07-13 04:31:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all communication is key. That being said, a man who is cheating is usually far from being receptive to talking about what is going on with them. If you tell him you miss having sex with him and see what he says, it will probably be that it is your fault. (That is a big indicator something is going on. Spouses who are cheating usually blame it on the faithful partner.) I hate to be the one to tell you this but men who cheat on their spouses once will do it again. They have already crossed the line and survived so it's just a matter of when the next time is going to be. The men who don't repeat it are men who have gotten into counseling individually and as a couple to work on their infidelity and are committed to recovery in their marriage. It takes a lot of hard work for both partners. If you two have not been in that sort of a recovery program it is highly likely if he is not cheating, he will at some point. He may just be in the pre-contemplative stage or the contemplative stage, is not cheating...yet, but is pulling away from you so he can justify his behavior down the road. "What could I do? We weren't having sex...I needed someone, something... "If you are uneasy, you probably have a reason to be. Gut feelings are not 100% accurate but are pretty reliable. I know I had them but kept blowing them off. I would check his laptop. You may find porn or you might find erased history. Porn is a tricky thing because it isn't necessarily a bad thing in and of itself but if he is HIDING it, that is the problem because that is like living a lie. If he is hiding it he is doing it because it is substituting for a shared sexual life with you which is an infidelity of sorts as well. They call pornography an affair of the mind. My difficulty with that was the same as you have explained in the first part of your story and that is your total attraction to your husband. I had felt that way about my husband as well. HE was who was in MY head and I knew the connection that entailed. When I found out I was not in his head, but porn was, it was painful for me to deal with...especially when he finally told me he was addicted to it. The best thing to do is check the laptop first. Then talk to him. Be prepared for him to lie to you. I'm not saying you need to assume he IS lying but just be ready for that eventuality. Be aware and be cautious. If something doesn't add up for you, there is a reason. Just remember that. My husband and I are still together. We got help. It has been a lot of work for both of us.
2016-04-01 02:24:57 · answer #2 · answered by Louise 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looks have nothing to do with anything. Him looking at other women is disrespectful and I'm glad that he stopped doing it in front of you. As for the masturbation. That is fine. If he has a high sex drive then be glad that he's playing with himself instead of other women. I would though worry about him looking on dating sites. He's married and while I guess it's safe to look at a menu as long as you don't order, I don't know many people who look at menu's when they're not hungry or intending to eat at that restaurant...if you know what I mean. He's being disrespectful and misbehaving. Talk to him and ask him what the problem is. he'll say "Nothing" but ask anyways. If there is a problem, don't take it personal. it's not you it's him.
2007-07-13 04:36:09 · answer #3 · answered by ninthwonder27 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Husband looking and maybe cheating?
2014-12-18 21:20:05 · answer #4 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe your husband might have a problem and have an addiction. Please do something about it now, he must realize that he has a problem and if he wants this marriage to work and be healthy, he'll need to seek help to get rid of this addiction. Women think it's their fault, but its not...the guy has a problem and needs therapy. Let him know that if you want the marriage to work, this addiction has to end and seek professional help; it's not healthy. A man who TRULY loves you and absolutely believes in this marriage will never have this kind of lifestyle.
2007-07-13 04:31:01 · answer #5 · answered by Knowing 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, no offense but at 5'7 325 I doubt that he is getting as much side action as you think. He may be looking - but I think all that big love is just for you. Let him rub one out every once in a while and go on with life.
2007-07-13 04:29:08 · answer #6 · answered by scott m 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
5'7" and 325. I wouldn't really worry about women throwing themselves at him. Looking at photos is probably as far as he's going to get. Now I know this is no consolation to you since he is hurting your feelings. I would tell him to choose the internet dating or you.
2007-07-13 04:29:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
What does your height and weight have to do with keeping him satisfied? You are delluded if you think that has anything to do with anything. Obviously he has a high sex drive. If he "takes care of" himself, who cares? But if I were you I'd wonder why he has to be on a dating website and not just looking up porn like every other guy?
2007-07-13 04:29:15 · answer #8 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
145lbs at 3'5" is kind of a lot.. but then again so is 325lbs at 5'7" lol. Guys are naturally attracted to attractive women.. unless he is actually cheating on you (confront and ask him?) then you shouldnt have anything to worry about.
2007-07-13 04:31:45 · answer #9 · answered by BravesWings 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
for starters...you need to improve your self esteem...at 5' 3" tall and weighing 145 -- you are overweight....start an exercise program...and
#2 believe me at 325# for your hubby ...he can look all he wants to...there isn't a chick in the world interested in that
2007-07-13 04:28:48 · answer #10 · answered by sunbun 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋