How to deal with a husband that doesn't want kids?

Question

My husband gives me everything I want, except a child. He says he doesn't want one. But I do. So I went off the pill and got pregnant. Now he is freaking out, saying I trapped him. hello, we are married. He was trapped anyway. We aren't white trash, we can afford a kid. But he is mad. How do I make him see that this is reasonable and it's really none of his business. It's my uterus!!!

Oh, and for all you high and mighties out there. I support us, I have a very good job and a trust fund. He is a writer, and doesn't make almost any money, so I support us and so he couldn't and wouldn't pay support if we did divorce because he has no money.

Answer 1

well, a child should be a mutual decision. But, since you were desperate to have one you coudln't control it, so now yo u can try to convince him that its a good think. Calm him down, and tell him that it is not the end of the world, its actually sort of like a blessing.

Answer 2

I am sorry to say what you did was wrong. People who do not want children do not make good parents. I can understand the want for a child. It is great that you are in the financial position to have one. However I have seen a few fathers who did not want children and either lied and told there wives they did prior to marriage or woman who did the same as you. The father son or daughter relationship is not there. These children grow up with out a bound most men who feel this way do not change once the baby is born. The child grows up with the never ending need to get acceptance from one parent and this later effects there relationships as an adult. You are better off leaving your husband and finding a man who wanted a family. If you stay, you will spend your life being frustrated from his lack of support and being disgusted by his attitude with the child, (pushing the child away and saying hurtful things) If you feel it's none of his business then look at him as a sperm donor not a parent and surround yourself around friends and family that support you having a baby.

Wish you and baby the best.

Answer 3

A wife getting pregnant is not the husband's business? You should have talked about wanting a child before you got married. I think he is right, you did trap him by going off the pill without telling him knowing he did not want a child. You may think you are not white trash because you have money but that was an extremely white trashy thing for you to do.

Answer 4

Are you going to grow up an unwanted child? How will s/he feel growing up, knowing his/her father never wanted her/him?

You say it's your uterus, but it's also his sperm.

You did cheat him. You lied. He trusted you, and you did this to him intentionally? What kind of a relationship is that? You call that a marriage that is ready for a child? What kind of environment will this child grow up in?

Why did you marry a man who does not want a child, if you do? You should marry a man who does want one.

You're looking to be a single mom. It's tougher than you think. Having a baby is a huge responsibility. A baby is not a barbie doll. You're bringing a baby into the world, where it's not wanted by two loving parents? What kind of role models are you both going to be for your child?

You also mentioned the term 'white trash.' There are many who are 'white trash' who do not have a lot of money, but do have a sense of respect for themselves, for their family. They are honest people, honest wives, honest workers. There are many out there who are poor, but very happily married, with children, in trailers. I'm sure they would not trade their lives for anything.

Besides, why look at 'white trash' when you have problems like yours? Or, do you just wish you were one of those honest people?

Answer 5

1. You discuss having kids before getting married to make sure you both have the same goals.
2. You do not get pregnant without your husband's consent since it affects him too, since this affects him also. You did trap him, and you are scum of the Earth for doing it.
3. It may be your uterus, but it's his sperm and you used in a way that you did not have permission to, so get over yourself.

Why did you marry a man that you don't respect his wishes and are willing to go behind his back and trick him into a situation he doesn't want to be in? I hope he divorces you, sues you for custody and then wins everything for your treachery.

Or get an abortion because with the way you behave, you cannot properly raise a child anyway. You have no ethics or morals to teach the child.

Answer 6

Oh no no no, you are wrong there sister. It's not YOUR uterus, it's OUR (yours and your husbands) uterus. And unless you plan to rear this child alone, getting no help physically or financially, then it's HIS baby too. You trapped him plain and simple and it's not right. It's not fair to a child to bring it into a world when it's not wanted! Jesus how could you do that. Do you know what people do to kids they don't want? Are you going to be there 100% of the time to watch the child? I hope you don't expect your husband to watch the child, a chid he said he didn't want. What type of father do you expect him to be since he said he DIDN'T want to be a father at all? This was very, very stupid and selfish of you to do. If you knew he didn't want kids, and you did, you shouldn't have married him. That's wrong. I pray for the child's sake that he comes around and takes an interest in the child. You were so selfish, you didn't think about your husband or the child, you just thought about yourself. Wow.

Answer 7

you know i was all ready to advice you to not force him to have a child with you . then i read the part about you all ready being pregnant . and i must say you do have some nerve . it's none of his business. wowwwww where do you get off feeling this way . it d a m n sure is his business when he is about to become a parent against his will . and i think you will one day find out the hard way you did your child no favor bye forcing his father to help unwilling bring him or her into the world. you are a selfish person you should have thought about this child and what affect this will have on his or her life. and yes you have trapped him into becoming a parent he has every right to be angry and upset with you . for the sake of your child i hope it all work's out well . i have a feeling you will regret this one day . good luck

Answer 8

This was totally something that should've been talked about before the marriage. If you married him knowing he didn't want kids, ever, then you broke his trust by getting pregnant. It IS trapping him to do this. Great, you can afford a baby. I'm proud for you. But he didn't want one and made his choice clear, and you lied and deceived him to get what you want. I wouldn't blame him for filing for divorce. If I was him, I'd rather pay child support forever than spend another second with a deceitful witch like you.

Answer 9

I personally see your perspective. But I feel you need to apologize for making a decision like this without consulting him. A child is a BIG COMMITMENT. You should told you were not going to take the pill anymore, so he would have became aware of the possibility of getting pregnant.

I don't think he is angry about the child as he is about you deceiving him. Just apologize, you don't want him to become resentful with this child, you will need a supportive husband and a loving father now. Tell him you are DEEPLY sorry for deceiving him, but you will not abort this baby. Good luck..


By the way, it is his business, he has now a lifelong commitment, emotionally, legally, financially, mentally, whether or not he is married to you. And don't say he doesn't have to, because it will not be fair to the child not to have a father around.

Answer 10

You did a horrible thing.

First off you should have talked about this before getting married, weather you wanted children or not. Obviously you both married the wrong person. You are a deceitful liar who should be ashamed of what you did. But since you think "it's really none of his business. It's my uterus!!!" You are just a selfish person who thinks she needs to get everything she wants regardless of what her loving husband thinks or feels. Did you think what this kind of situation you could have brought opinion your child. I feel sorry for your husband, I feel sorry for your baby, because you obviously become before anyone else.

Answer 11

You did trap him hon, and it has nothing to do with money. The decision to have a child is one that both of you make. It may indeed be your uterus.... then you ought to have never married this man, and ought instead to have gone to a sperm bank and had a child as a single parent.. You married him, and he for sure told you he wished no children.. your actions were unfair and selfish, and in his place, I'd leave you, divorce you, and make sure you signed papers releasing me of any financial responsibility to YOUR child. Having children is not something a couple compromises on... You and he cannot have "half a child". Raising a child is a 20 year, $250,000+ commitment, and obviously he did not wish to make that commitment... You spout that it is really none of his business.... no, not true--not as a married woman. As the father of that child, it carries his genes. As your husband, living in the same house with you, he will be asked to help. I do have friends -- he wanted children, she absolutely and positively did not. She agreed to bear children, if he raised them. They now have two. He juggles his job, she works full time, and takes off on long vacations with her girl friends. He got up for 2 am feedings, takes them to school, picks them up, helps them with their homework, and she does nothing. He is not only a househusband, and child care giver, he also works full time. Theirs is a pretty sterile marriage, but it was their agreement. You didn't even give him a chance to bargain. Nope, hon, you were wrong to trap him and you were rather selfish, and your child will end up paying for it, just as my friends' children are