s he trying to tell me it's in my mind that i am that way she is making me sick,i just turn 18 and i am trying to save money to move out and never see my mother till she accepts me as i am what can i do for her to accept me and for her to understand i am the same daughter no matter what i am?
2007-07-13 02:28:47 · 19 answers · asked by ? 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
If you know for a fact you are a lesbian, continue to refuse this marriage set-up that your Mom is pushing. That would be a huge mistake and disaster for all involved. Even if you were not gay, in my opinion "arranged marriages" don't make sense.
Good idea you have to save your money and remove yourself from this situation. Later, with time, hopefully you and your Mom can salvage a relationship in the future.
Best wishes!
2007-07-13 02:43:44 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is quite the situation here. What I am wondering is the age of this man your dating. If his mother is trying to arrange marriage for him and you have a grown child that makes me beleive that you are older than he is. If that is the case, maybe that is the mothers problem. I'm sure that you realize that Indian folks are very close families. Him being married and having children is very important to her because that is just their culture. That is what they beleive in. So I can't say that I think her feelings are wrong. At the same time I understand your point of view. It's hurtful and I'm sure that your boyfriend is hurting too. He loves you, but he wants to please his mother. It all boils down to him and his decision. Whatever it may be. Be prepared either way I guess. I feel sorry for you because that really sucks. Tell him how you feel but try to keep the pressure off of him because he may take the stress out on you and make a unwise decision. Good luck to you...
2016-05-21 09:40:40 · answer #2 · answered by amie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I study at an all girls school, almost 50% of the students are lesbians. That's why when I was in elementary,they consider being a lesbian as a major offense. But now in high school, it's not,they can't conrtol the students anymore. And I don't think being a lesbian is a problem, why, because, if you are a lesbian, then so be it. If that what makes you happy, let it be. Following your mom makes you obedient, but is that what makes you happy?
I was also once a lesbian before, but I really don't know, my mom supported me,there was once this girl whom I like that I always buy her gifts,my mom helps me choose the best. AND SHE KNOWS IT'S FOR MY CRUSH.
You're mother is maybe,perhaps just shocked that her once "little girl" is a lesbian. Let her adjust for the moment. And if she still doesn't accept you, try to confront her. tell her that if she truly loves you, let her show you that she's happy and supports your decision.
2007-07-13 03:16:05 · answer #3 · answered by curious child 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that as upset as she might be, her behavior is not making things any better and will only drive you away. She needs to understand that you are an adult, and although she is your mother, your life is your own- you've grown up, you're making your own choices, and she needs to support you and love you rather than belittle your emotions and push you away with her rather absurd attitude.
Moving out is likely the best option, especially if the situation could be dangerous. Until then, ask her why she is so upset, and try to talk things over... if that doesn't work, forget about it and move on with life as usual. Pretending there's no issue isn't the best solution, but it's certainly the only solution if nothing else works until you can get yourself into a better and more stable living situation.
2007-07-13 04:18:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's bargaining, it's a step on the way to acceptance. She's trying to marry you to get you to be straight. She's also still partly in denial, another stage.
The stages are anger, denial, bargaining, depression and acceptance. They're what you go through for big changes, like this can be.
All you can do is give her time. But I agree that you should consider moving out. The reason is that she needs to think this out, and you might be enabling her behaviour. You should not tolerate such deep disrespect, even if she is your mother, especially because she's your mother. If someone should respect you and love you regardless it's her. So stop enabling it, move out. Tell her you'll move back if she starts acting like an adult, and treats you with the respect you deserve.
But remember it's also big for her, she needs time as well. Time will fix this, but right now you need to do what's right for you, and getting forced to marry doesn't sound right.
2007-07-13 04:28:14 · answer #5 · answered by Luis 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do some research on the web and show her that being gay is genetic and that you can't help it just like you can't help having the color hair or eyes that you do. Is there a friend that you can stay with until you save up enough $ to get a place of your own and tell your mom to take a hike and that she will accepted back into your life ONLY when she can accept you as you are.
2007-07-13 02:56:56 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is illegal to force someone to marry in the US. If that takes place the marriage can be annulled. As someone said previously the best thing to do is to get out of the situation. You are legally an adult and she cannot stop you from leaving. There is no guarantee that your mother will ever accept you, however, it might be once she see's that you are willing to live your own life outside of her she will realize the mistake she is making.
2007-07-13 03:05:25 · answer #7 · answered by Corey D. 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why is it that every time a straight person gives an answer about why her mother's right, they get negative ratings? They're just expressing their opinions. Oh and btw, running away isn't gonna solve your problems, you should confront your mother. And tell her you're gay and you're proud.
2007-07-13 03:08:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
GET OUT as soon as you can! You don't deserve to be forced into anything. It's sad that your own mother can't accept you for who you are..
Also, don't listen to anyone who's going to tell you that it's "in your head" or your "choice". These people have no idea what it's like to be gay in the first place, so they have absolutely no standing in telling you what YOU know about yourself.
2007-07-13 02:42:40 · answer #9 · answered by Mystery Lady H 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Depending on how long she's known, she may come around eventually. But there's nothing you can do to change her attitude, any more than anyone has control over anyone else's thoughts and beliefs. Your plan is rational and logical. Good luck.
2007-07-13 03:58:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋