Has this ever happened to anybody?

Question

Anybody else ever had their mother in law destroy their marriage? My wife and i were happy. When we were happy we visited her parents. One time when we were leaving, her mother said "just remember if you're ever unhappy you can come back and live with mommy". we were happy. we went through some rough times and my wife started talking to her mother. her mother of course took this as an opportunity and guess what, my wife is gone now. we split up. she always was at odds and told me her parents were controlling or oh that's just my mother. seems that she could never break away. it was like she was still a little girl and her mom was jealous that she was married and she wasn't the center of her life. it just sucks but it was like i was married to all of them and they acted close but it was more like a control thing. anybody else deal with this?

Answer 1

I think you're being too nice to your wife.

Even if there was trouble brewing between you and her mom just facilitated her leaving, she sounds weak and easily influenced, a little girl bonded to mommy, unable or unwilling to cleave herself to you in a mature, marriage relationship.

Mommy needs her butt kicked for saying that in front of you. Even if a parent has their doubts about a guy being "right" for their kid, it's one thing to tell her privately that you're there for her and another to completely disrespect him to his face in front of her. If she suspected abuse, it's even more stupid because that could trigger a beating.

I don't know how "gone" gone is for you and her, but I'd sure make her stand on her own two feet and show that she's grown up before I'd ever let her back in my life, if I were you.

Hopefully no kids in the picture, if there is, what a crappy legacy she's creating for them.

Answer 2

My mom was never around in my life but I do have a grandmother that is the same way. I lived with her for the longest time and then when I met my husband and got married, boy was she not a happy camper. She would say stuff to me and to my husband. She once told my hubby that our marriage would never work because I could not be faithful, she also told me that even though my hubby had a vasectomy that I could still have kids. I asked her if she knew what she was implying about me and she said that I did not need my hubby to get pregnant. She's a real peach, I tell ya. It got to the point where I told her that I will not deal with this anymore and that she is just bitter that she has no say in what I do, where I go or how I choose to run my life. We currently are not speaking and I told her that when she is ready to knock it off, that she can call me. Everyone hits a rough spot and your wife should have gotten a backbone and told her mom that she needs to backoff.

Answer 3

While it may not seem right, when you marry, you do marry the entire family. This, however, should not be a bad thing. There are plenty of parents out there who have control issues over their grown children. Unfortunately, your wife had been molded for so long that she did not have the confidence to break it. My sister continues to marry mama's boys and then goes through exactly what you have. If there ever is a next time...be more careful in your choosing and explore her family a little better before tying the knot. Good luck....

Answer 4

yes, a lot of people deal with this. and don't forget when you marry someone, you do get married to their family too. I'm not saying that your mother-in-law was right in anyway. i really think that was nothing but pure selfishness on her part. a lot of mothers out there will never think that man is good enough or that woman is good enough for their daughter or son.
i am sorry your going through this, but maybe if you look at it like this...if your wife was so easily removed from you in "rough" times, then you obviously weren't as close or in a place of strength in the relationship to endure trials as you may have both thought previously. if you think there's any chance I'm wrong and you can reconcile...try to get her as far from momma hen, and gently, lovingly try to start over. it may be worth a shot and just what you need to convince your wife mommas wrong
blessings and best of luck

Answer 5

I know this may sound crude, but forget her. Your wife will never leave her parents side and be independent to make decisions of her own. Her mother will always have control of her life and all of her relationships. As the saying goes..."she will always be sucking on that......."well, I shall say no more. I understand that we need to cherish our parents because they did give us life, but parents should never butt into their children's personal life, especially when they are married, unless there is harm, that 's a different story. But arguments and disagreements here and there should be between a wife and a husband. Parents should understand to back off and never tell their children to leave their spouse (I express again, unless there is emotionally or physical abuse.) This should be the decision of the person who feels that things just isn't working out. Your wife pretty much allowed her mother to have control of her feelings and your lives. She didn't know how to say, "Mother, my husband and I can work things out ourselves. And Yes, when you marry, you do marry the family. That's part of marriage, but make sure your wife supports your lives together as much as your lives with your families.

Answer 6

I think everyones inlaws are controlling of their family member because i suppose to an extent the parents might feel they're losing them, and the old cliche that 'no one's good enough for my son/daughter". Unfortunately I think when you meet someone you want to spend your life with you need to take into concideration how their family are at the time, because really thats what it will be like forever. Perhaps her moving back in with her mother, her mother might hound her too much about you and she'll get sick of it and come back, if you're still there to come back to. Or, she might listen to her mother over her own mind for a long time and one day she will realise that she has possible made a big mistake being lead by her mother. Dont put your own life on hold for too long waiting to find out tho, life is short enough.

Answer 7

not to me. But I saw this in a former co-worker. His wife was the exact same way, only she'd go over to her parents house 3-4 days a week and call "home" everyday. Eventually the couple split. And he moved to Tacoma WA (from Minnesota) and she moved back in with mommy and daddy.

I had a girlfriend once that was similiar until she actually moved out for the first time.

At this point, head back to the gym, work out until October, get a great body then go out and look for someone new.

Answer 8

Yes, my mother is that way. My sister and i both married at 18, moved out. Anytime we talk to our mother she degrades our spouse, points out all his flaws, what mistakes we made. Then the second we filed for divorce, "he was a wonderful man, i really liked him, you screwed up"
Yeah, Really. My first husband passed away a month after the divorce, for the first year she was at his grave site crying, and "missing" him.
I personally couldn't take it anymore, i left the country to escape and learn how to live a healthy positive life that wasn't controlled by her, my sister is still there and its eating her alive that all of mothers attention is on her and her flaws.
My dear, it is a control/hate factor. The parent wants to control the children (also borders on abuse), the way they can do that is to basically rip them up every time they are around and destroy the self esteem that they gain, kill the independence that the child has,
things like this get to me because it hits so close to home.

Answer 9

Oh a lot of parents are controlling and manipulative like that, you see, it's because having children is by nature a selfish act. Some parents get over it, but others are like that for life. Her mother couldn't stand that her daughter had her own life. A parent has some wicked power over her children and selfish people will use that power. It's just too bad that most children can't realize that parents are no longer needed after they stop paying for college. Say good riddens to the wife and find another one who realizes this simply fact of life.

Answer 10

Yes. My husband has the same issues with his parents. He often gets frustrated with their involvement in our business, but on the other hand, he tells them everything, kind of like he wants them to know what's going on with us. It is very straining on your relationship when you have that kind of dynamic. Marriage is complicated enough without having dysfunctional inlaws involved. My husband is a responsible and successful 37 yr. old but when he is around mommy and daddy he is a happy little 4 yr. old. Go figure. I'm sorry about your situation. I know exactly what you mean when you say it is like being married to all of them. It is like you do not have an exclusive, private relationship with your spouse, and what is the point of marriage? It is never just the two of you. (sigh)