I get in my car, step out for more gas
I need to keep looking, or this day will pass
Looking for work, does have frustration
To open these doors, to gain penetration
No luck today, it must be a curse
The local job bank, they just need a nurse
They feed me a line, I get an illusion
And in the end, it adds to confusion
You'd think with these no's, my spirit will bend
But I tell you right now, I'll look to the end
They see my work, my papers unfold
I see in their eyes, they think I too old
If I was just younger, more dashing and bold
They'd line my pockets, with offers and gold
If they saw thru my wrinkles, and all these greys
That I learned from them lines, I'm smarter these days
They say at my age, I'm surely in trouble
What do they think, they just burst my bubble
And at the end of this day, I've heard enough crap
Who'd want to work, for some young foolish sap
2007-07-13 01:13:17 · 8 answers · asked by gary_b04901 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
very interesting.
2007-07-13 01:15:39 · answer #1 · answered by Gengis 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I'd normally pass on the comments, but your poem has so much potential that I thought I'd offer some editing suggestions. Here is how I'd rewrite it (minor edits, trust me).
I get in my car and step out for some gas
I need to keep looking or this day will pass
Looking for work does have its frustration
Opening doors just to gain penetration
No luck yet today, it must be a curse
The local job bank, wanted a nurse
They feed me a line, I get an illusion
In the end it just adds to my utter confusion
You'd think with these "no's" that my spirit would bend
But "no's" will not break me, I'll look to the end
They see all my work as my papers unfold
Their eyes cannot lie: they think I too old
If I was just younger, more dashing and bold
They'd fill up my pockets with offers and gold
If they'd see past my wrinkles and hair full of greys
That I've earned all these lines and I'm smarter these days
They say at my age, I'm surely in trouble
What do they think, they just burst my bubble?
By the end of the day I've heard enough crap
Who'd the heck want to work, for some young foolish sap?
Hope this helps
Great poem!
2007-07-16 18:26:12 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
2
2016-07-24 20:33:13 · answer #3 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I come around lower back searching for a solid feud or a sensible insult, so i'm able to take a seat down and brood of a wretched line, i'm able to rewrite solid of the prospect to be offended like I ought to yet something continuously ruins my physique of concepts i stumble on myself packed with a sugary style of nutrition the Pollyanna's rule the roost and we trolls finally end up "chuffed juiced" So I pray to the saint of the misplaced, St. Jude please deliver me somebody irritable and rude i could climb Mount Everest if i ought to just to drop some sweetheart on their hood. yet unfortunately i will never get to objective, oh hex! I merely bypass the insults and then say Byeeeeeeeexxxx
2016-10-01 12:37:10 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ha I agree with Elle Angel
Very nice, very flowing, you made the rhyming look so easy!
2007-07-13 02:38:33 · answer #5 · answered by ツSpeckles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good geez you made that up forget job searching become a poet! Good Luck with job searching!
2007-07-13 01:18:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-07-09 12:52:50 · answer #7 · answered by Misty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Amateur poetry is usually so unbearable, but yours was humorous and fun to read!
Good job!
2007-07-13 03:03:27 · answer #8 · answered by T the D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋