iam 32 years old and i have been married for 1 year and 4 months. i moved in with my husband at his house and iam happy being married so far. i still call my mom everyday to see how they are doing but every time i talk to my mother she always saying negitive things trying to make it seem like that iam so unhappy being married and not living in her house anymore. she never encourages me or support me when it comes to my marriage it always " i look like i lost weight, i dont look happy, what wrong? it always something wrong with me when i get arround my mother. honestly iam doing very good and iam very happy for once in my life. she always makes this commet " i can move back home" for what? why would i want to do that and im married! i just cant move back home and leave my husband. iam not my mother back bone anymore, iam not their to help her take care of her family which is my father and 29 year old brother! it seems she dosent want me to be happy buy myself.
2007-07-13 01:08:19 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I don't know why your mom would try to sabotage you, but you better get it under control before you end up like this marriage did.
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AoJ6qcBWWtCTBKzGIzyhmIbB7BR.?qid=20070713052857AAnZNAm
2007-07-13 01:39:49 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not that she is controlling, she is very attached to her children. You will see someday how it feels to be far from your children and what mom doesn't want them close? My mom tried to live her life again through me and wanted me to live almost like she did but without her mistakes. Well I made my own mistakes and not small ones trying to prove her that I could be on my own. I finally also set out for a better life and moved a bit too far away. Now I have a family and I husband. She still mentions I can always go back, even in her heart she knows I will fight out whatever problem I have, and not go back. I don't like the ways of the country they live in. Even though I am very far from them and I truely miss them, I am happy with my present problems.
I would let her know that you are happy in your house, and that you understand that she would love to have you near her, but at this moment you cannot because you need to learn to live for your new family. You also miss her too and there will be a day where you can enjoy each other's company.
My mom also has my 32 year old brother at home and he takes care of them, they are not young anymore :( But I have to do what I think is best also for my life. If I do not start to live now, I will not get anywhere later. You cannot put on hold your youth and life to build your future, because they want you close and helping them out.
What I think is maybe she doesn't know your husband very well and maybe she doesn't trust he can provide you with a loving and healthy home. Very normal too. "No one is good enough for my daughter" is the common parent phrase.
Just tell her you love her and you are happy, and she can stop worrying. I would also not be so explicit if you tell her what goes on in your house. There must be something you are also telling her that makes her think you are not happy.
2007-07-13 06:03:41 · answer #2 · answered by Mary Laurita 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Mom, I appreciate that you will let me move back in if I want. That's nice to know. But I do know it, so you don't need to tell me anymore. I am happily married now, and my place is to live with my husband. So carry on with the assumption that I will never be moving back in with you."
Modify the above to any degree you wish so that it feels like it is in your own words, then print it, cut it out in a small square, and put it with your phone or tape it to your phone. The first time, and every time, she tells you that you can move back home, read it to her. Your problem is not that you aren't happy, it's simply that you don't know what to say. You're not used to your mother talking to you this way, and that's only natural because you've never been in this situation before. Prepare your script. You know she's going to ask you to come back home again, so have something ready to say. It will feel empowering to you.
2007-07-13 01:18:43 · answer #3 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard for alot of moms to let go of their children so that they can live their own lives and they will try and do and say whatever, to try and get their kids to come home. When you talk to your mom again and she starts in on you miving back home, just tell her this. Tell her, mom, I love you and while I appreciate knowing that I will always have a place to go should i ever need it but things are great with me and my husband and I am where I want to be in my life. You and your husband should take her out to lunch one day or stop by the house to see her. This way, she will see that you are truly happy and she may stop trying to get you to come back home.
2007-07-13 01:31:36 · answer #4 · answered by bluemysti 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're doing exactly what you are supposed to do. People are not designed to stay at home for life. You have to leave the nest and create your own family, make new experiences, face new challenges. You say you're happily married...wonderful. Your place is next to your husband as is your mothers is next to hers. You have to realize that although you're 32..for your mother the time it took from changing your diapers to you getting married and moving out is a nanosecond. You're still her baby and she wants what's best for you. At the moment she thinks that's at home with her. Lovingly tell her that she has done a great job raising you but that her work is done and you'll take it from here but if your ever need advice you won't hesitate to ask her.
2007-07-13 01:20:24 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can I point out that she just might miss her baby girl and some female company? God love her, one day you may understand when you have a child. She doesn't want you to be unhappy or leave your husband, she just misses you being around. I mean in her home not just visiting.
I don't know how I will deal with my kids getting married it will be bittersweet. I want them to find love and happiness but I don't want to let them go either. Some day you will understand
2007-07-13 01:34:14 · answer #6 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to draw some boundaries with your mother. She needs to understand that you are now a grown woman and not her little girl anymore. Your relationship is frustrating because she does not want to form an adult/adult relationship with you. If you don't start demanding better behavior from her, it will start to affect your marriage. My husband has a similar relationship with his parents. It is a constant source of hopelessness for me. My husband makes decisions to make his parents happy, rather than he and I making decisions as a married couple. Do your husband and yourself a favor before it begins to infect your relationship. Tell your mom that she needs to respect you and accept that you are now an adult, independent from your family. But you still love her, not as a child anymore, but as a grown up.
2007-07-13 04:08:46 · answer #7 · answered by I39 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be so hard on your mother. It's not that she thinks you're unhappy, it's that she's unhappy without you. Even though her husband and son are home, she's lonely for you. Be a bit more understanding and try to spend some time with her.
2007-07-13 02:10:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is not happy with her life and she's jealous of yours. You're right when you say you are not her backbone anymore. She is responsible for her own happiness. You might have to tell her that as well as show her by creating a little distance between the two of you.
2007-07-13 01:20:34 · answer #9 · answered by Rosie D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK...my mom says things like that too. it's just that shes a mom and your her baby, no matter how old you are.
maybe is not that thinks thinks you are unhappy, maybe she is and lonely too and that's why she keeps asking the absurd from you. your dad and your brother are men, so it doesn't make for a great evening or dinner convo all the time, or i bet she doesn't get to kick back and watch a girly movie to make her laugh or cry even...you're her daughter and it sounds like she misses you
2007-07-13 01:15:20 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She's probably just missing you and can't get over the fact that you have moved out and have your own life. I think that you need to just talk to her and try to get her to open up to you about why she wants you to move back in. It also might be the fact that she just can't let you go and I also think that you need to get your brother to move out as well and as for her not wanting you to be happy by yourself I don't think that that's true because isn't it that our parents just want us to be happy.
So just give it ago to talk to her and see what you can do because it might just be that you could have dinner with them once a week might satisfy your mum.
Good Luck!
2007-07-13 01:22:30 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋