Hi…I’m a 24 yr old woman. I’ve been married for 2 yrs now. I have a wonderful marriage a wonderful man as a husband. He’s 27. But this little thing is bothering me and I’m unable to take my mind off it. 2 days ago I was sifting through the cupboards and found a tape. It was a cupboard where we store our old things…like our college stuff, old albums and the like. I found this tape and I knew it was my husband’s since it wasn’t mine. I knew he was part of his university band and would tape their performances and hilarious moments. I took it to be one such tape and couldn’t resist having a look at wat’s in it. Wat I found gave me a shock. It wasn’t anything near a stage performance…it was a steamy video of my husband with a girl. He was very young in it…bout 19 or 20. I shouldn’t have but I watched a bit more of it and found that it was the first time for the girl. I know my hubby used to be a heartthrob in school and college and knew he has had his share of affairs but this tape gives me such a strange feeling. I can’t describe the feeling that I am going through right now. I didn’t talk to my husband about finding the video though but bottling it up inside me is so terrible for me. I feel like I have trespassed into something I shouldn’t have. But at the same time I feel a bit angry at my hubby too. Wat do I do? How do I deal with it? Do I tell my hubby about it? Wat can be his reaction? Plz plz plz tell me.
2007-07-12 23:04:20 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
oh my, I went through the same thing with my ex husband but it was steamy photos with his exes. Just like you I was very hurt and didn't know what to do, mind you thins was only 2 days after getting married. I couldn't hold it in long and I blew up... I actually am proud of the way you have handled the issue so far. I can't tell you what to do because I know once you see something like this you get effected and it's difficult to get those images out of your mind. It's one thing to know your hubby has dated b4 you, but it's another thing to see him in action with another woman.
I went through a lot of heartache because I had a hard time getting over this, The first step is to throw away the video, he should know better not to bring something like that in the house he shares with his wife.
Tell him and let him know how upset you are... if you see you have a REALLY difficult time dealing with it maybe you can talk to a counselor....good luck.
2007-07-12 23:16:53 · answer #1 · answered by Shelley S 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I guess you kinda feel weird about it, because it's maybe a little "dirty" side of your husband you never knew? Maybe your angry cause you dont respect it, or find it weird that he kept it?
I suppose ultimately, it was many years ago in a time of his life, where you werent involved, you didnt exist, so there isnt anything you can do about it.
If it is really bugging you, maybe just tell him that you watched it cause you thought it was an old tape of yours or you just thought it was something else and were kinda shocked and maybe ask him why he still has it.
His reaction could be anything... angry....or just calm and collected.. you probably know him more than anyone else!
It'd be interesting as to what guys have to say.
Overall i think it's fairly harmless! The tape wasnt made in the last 2 years you were together. I guess everyone has a history and past, before their husbands/wives!
2007-07-12 23:12:13 · answer #2 · answered by pinksandbeach 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel you should see your husband for who he is now, not who he was in the past. You say he is a wonderful husband so don't forget that. His experiences have made him who he is today, the good and the ugly. It was bad judgement for him too leave the tape where you could find it or he may have simply forgotten about it. You can say something about it if you like or just throw the tape out and act as if you know nothing. Do you really want to hurt your relationship by holding anger in towards him for something he did as a kid, not to mention before he knew you even existed.
2007-07-12 23:13:04 · answer #3 · answered by marie s 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all destroy the tape. I mean really destroy the tape. Then catch your breath and remember it was before your time together. If you still feel bad sit him down somewhere quiet and tell him the same story you told us, also let him know you didn't want anyone else to come upon the tape so you destroyed it. Let him know it was for the best and not a problem in your marriage. Hugs and kisses all around. Bye
2007-07-12 23:35:13 · answer #4 · answered by angelica2462 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a guy and a husband right it is what i could propose so you might do. tell him. If it is bugging you, he gets vibes back from you. once you tell him this he will have a extra suitable awareness of what's obthering you. That reported listed right here are some warnings. a million. this is not something he did incorrect. on the VERY WORST, (except you believe you studied criminal or immoral acts on the tape) he's responsible of no longer throwing extra stuff away. If the tape wasn't categorized, he could have theory it became into a similar style of tape you initially theory it became into. 2. come out and specifically tell him which you comprehend he did no longer something incorrect. 3. attempt to remember for your self that this happend possibly previously you even knew him. think of of it this type. it is perplexing sufficient to hearken to bits and products of his existence with different women folk previously he met you. easily seeing it on tape should be many situations extra durable. Personnally, i think of it is the reason the hollywood types have not got marriages that final. They see the loves scenes that thier husbands or better halves have filmed and it merely gets below the exterior. (whether those love scenes have been faked.) 4. in spite of the actuality that intelectually you comprehend that he did no longer cheat on you, emotionally, it may nevertheless "experience" that way. Jus tbecause you "experience" somehting does no longer advise it is right. It feels justs as genuine for you, although this is no longer suitable. attempt to make you mind win this one. in case you cope with issues perfect, this could deliver you and your husband nearer. in case you do no longer... remember, he did no longer something incorrect. you ought to tell HIM this in very particular words or he could get shielding and this could exchange right into a combat. This combat ought to then bring about lots worse thingse in yuor existence at the same time. solid success and remember, do no longer ask a question in case you at the instant are not waiting for the respond. This is going for looking via previous 3 hundred and sixty 5 days books, diary's, and definite video tapes besides. I want you and your husband all the final.
2016-10-01 12:34:42 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would destroy the tape. Your husband should not have kept that tape. I guess what your feeling is betrayal although you werent with him at the time, just the fact of seeming him with another women. Also you see you husband trying to have sex with a girl who is a virgin, it kinda makes you feel like he is taking advantage of her. Destroy the tape and say nothing if he down the road asks about the tape say you tossed it out. It really bothers you ask him why he kept this tape for so long.
2007-07-13 04:25:57 · answer #6 · answered by beliz 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now My dear you see how curiosity Killed the cat.We were all young once and truth be told your past is not stellar any more than his.Search your heart....remember all the good sex you had with other men?run the pictures of those moments over and over again.Now you can breath a sigh of relief that you did not make video tapes of those moments and that your husband would never know how much of yourself you gave to other men.Do to your husband what you've done to your past,BURY HiS PAST TOO.Believe me for the next 50 years of marriage your husband would never look for the tape our yearn for anyone but you.you alone would be in his heart
today, tomorrow and forever.Now get that shovel and lets all go bury that tape.
2007-07-12 23:25:29 · answer #7 · answered by miraclehand2020 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow. yeah i would be shocked, but only because he still had the tape. && it shouldnt of been around you. The tape was 7 or 8 years ago. so you shouldnt really be upset but i understand your still going to hurt. Its like watching ur husband with another woman like he has cheated on you or something but he hasnt...You shouldnt keep it bottled up inside. Soon you'll explode and it wont be nice. Thats what i do. Its going to take you time to get over it, but soon you will, its hard but you shouldnt been mad at your husband, only for still having it. Think of it in a good way he is with you and married you.. not her.=]
2007-07-12 23:13:49 · answer #8 · answered by Tabitha♥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He did not cheat on you but you have to bring it up.
Please realize that he did not cheat on you when you talk.
2nd, you are married so there is no trespassing into each others stuff. Whats yours is his, whats his is yours.
3rd. the only way you will get this feeling out is if you talk. Explain that you wouldn't have brought it up but you don't feel right about it and you are trying to figure out why.
4th. there is no reason to keep that tape so maybe him getting rid of it will be like him getting rid of the memory and it will help you move on.
2007-07-12 23:11:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
It would be best to tell him how you found the video, watched some of it and that it upsets you that he has kept it. If he insists on keeping the video then you have a problem.
He may be happy to just destroy it as it is an old relationship that is now well behind him.
2007-07-12 23:10:20 · answer #10 · answered by eddie_schaap 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋