I am 27 weeks preg with 2nd baby (already have 2 yr old). At the time i found out i was preg my marriage was in trouble and i had to make a tough decision about whether to have the baby. I decided to keep my baby and my relationship with hubby has improved dramatically.
But....we had massive row last night. It is his 30th birthday on Oct 25th and the baby is due Oct 10th. I said that i didn't mind him going out for a few hours but not an all night bender - it would then mean that he would be passed out all the next day as well. I even suggested that he go out for a big night out before the baby arrives to celebrate (i may even be able to go with him) but he was infuriated. When i had my 1st baby i really struggled in the first few months, had serious depression and i know that i will need him more than ever.
Am i being unreasonable? I know it's a special birthday but i'll have a few weeks old baby and a 2yr old! He won't even talk to me this morning :(
2007-07-12 20:59:05 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
Sorry if i was unclear in question...it's just i don't want him to be out all night a week or so after i've given birth - leaving me with new baby and toddler. I nearly died during 1st birth and i'm terrified of being left to cope on my own.
2007-07-12 21:06:19 · update #1
no. he is 30 years old, not 21. he needs to grow up and stand up for his family. he is acting selfish and immature. you request is perfectly reasonable. if he wants to go on an "all night bender" and pretend he is still a teenager, and will not put his partner's or child's needs in the limelight, he is incredibly selfish.
2007-07-12 21:03:23 · answer #1 · answered by Diana Hussain 4 · 7⤊ 0⤋
By the time a man is 30, another birthday should not be a big deal, and the birth of a child should!
He should be willing to make plans before the birth and have you come along, and if he isn't willing to do this, I'd suggest some counsiling.
Write him a letter when you have a moment, and tell him why in a positive and neutral tone why you want him to be home after baby is born. Focus on the bonding, family togetherness etc, and try to stay clear of using the words, need and other pressuring words. Tell him how much you are looking forward to you all being together, and you can't wait to see if this baby looks like his daddy etc. Keep it for a few days and not give it to him, and then re-read it and make any changes. Send it to his work so he can have time to read it on his own, and when he comes home if he is still very upset (by now it should be a few weeks passed the initial row), then you are going to have to sit him down and tell him the hard cold truth. He is a father, and it is not okay to leave mom, toddler and newborn alone when he is needed most.
If he cannot step up and be the father he should be (seriously all this over dads birthday..what about the BABIES birthday), plan to speak with someone neutral about this and other issue you are having before the birth.
Good luck momma, you are not being unfair at all.
2007-07-13 05:01:23 · answer #2 · answered by vegface 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you two need to have a serious heart to heart when everyone is calm. Explain your take on everything and try to be reasonable. It seems that you already tried to tell him how you felt. Suggest that he meet you half way with the situation. Love is love and you both have to try to work things out to satisfy the both of you. There needs to be committment on both ends, and asking him to not make it an allnighter on his birthday is totally resonable. If he can't handle that simple request then sounds like someone has some serious issues that may escalate to another level.
Maybe not now , but pretty soon. I'm not sure how you're saying all this to him, I dont know you at all, but making a demand and making a request are two different things. Keep it calm when you talk again, and suggest that you would like some time with him on his birthday, and see how he takes it. It could go a couple different ways. Either he'll be okay with it or he'll hate the idea, or maybe he'll meet half way. You know your guy so it's up to u to pick up on the vibe he lets off. Kids are priority, and if he cant see that then he dont know **** from shinola. Good luck, and it'll work out the way it's supposed to, it always does. bye
2007-07-13 04:16:40 · answer #3 · answered by liquid 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if there's more to the story, but from what you say just at face value he sounds like he is being unreasonable. No matter how special this birthday is the responsibility and specialness (I know it's not a word lol) of a newborn is much bigger than his night of drinking. What is this really about? That's my first question... He can go out and have fun, nobody is disputing that (or nobody should be disputing that) but there are certain things that he needs to put at a higher prescedence. Going out and having some drinks as a newly 30 yr old (newly father to #2) is okay but going out to get wasted and be hung over all the next day isn't really right considering the circumstances. It sounds like you two really need to express what you are both really feeling and thinking- that includes him. From there the problems are more easily worked out. You two are butting heads- why?
As much as the rest of these ppl are right by saying he should get the crap beat out of him, he's a jerk etc etc etc these aren't things you really want to focus on if you want to come to a compirable solution that results in something good. You can be pissed as all hell at him, but I think there really needs to be understanding between the two of you. Babies are big changes no matter if you already have one or not and so is getting older and so is being married (it's a life long adjustment lol).
2007-07-13 04:09:06 · answer #4 · answered by throughthebackyards 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
No dear you are not being unreasonable.
You are in fear of what may happen when you deliver and you have good cause because of what happened to you in your past delivery, and it's not uncommon for you to want help so soon after your baby is born.
Your husband should realize he's going to be 30, not 21. 30 is not really that much of an important birthday, he's not over the hill or anything like that. He's just turning 30. You should tell him oh so a night out with the boys is more important to you then spending time at home with your wife, your 2 year old, and your NEWBORN! Sounds like he needs to grow up.
My husband, he's 22 going to be 23 and he's not wanting to go out and party all the time. I tell him to go out with the guys and he's like no if they want to do anything they'll come here. I'm like dear I'm sure they don't want to hang out with your pregnant wife, he's like then they aren't really that great of friends. I had to force him to go to work today because I am having period cramping and my doctor said that's a sign that labor is near, so he didn't even want to leave my side.
So it sounds like your husband has some growing up to do!
2007-07-13 05:40:30 · answer #5 · answered by Torey♥ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not wrong, honey. I understand you, been there before. Think. Is he a responsible person? If he does, he will stay with you even his birthday cause (touch-wood) anything can happen to you. Ask him 2 life's to look after is much important or his 30 Th's birthday? To whatever his decision, be patience but set rules. Example, answer: go party. rules: if anything happens to me and your baby remember its his fault he have to bare the responsible cause at this stage you are hopeless. You want attention from him. What you can do is seat down with him talk nicely speak up each other mind of thoughts. Guys may not know what we thinking and we too might not know what they thinking.
2007-07-13 05:21:49 · answer #6 · answered by R & H & S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not at all...you have asked for what you deserve to ge....infact I am surprised how can a person who loves you imagine of going out and partying when you are in trouble.
You got to show this answer to your husband so that he realises that you are the same lady he loved five years back and you are the same lady who has always tried to keep him happy. Now when you need him, he should not even wait for you to say that you need him and realise on his own.
i feel very sorry for such a person who does not value the centiments of a person once he brought in his life with so many promises.
Sarah...one request from my side : Please show my answer to your hubby..I am sure he will realise.
Hey there....How can you leave such a good wife who cares for you so much that you did not speak for few hours and she had to post a question to find out if she was hurting you...even when she knows what she is asking for is her right... Come on...be a Man... Where is that love gone which you had for this lady when your brought her in your life..you cant be showing attitude to your wife...specially when she is struggling in pain.
You will be a real hard person without any emotions if at all you can think of partying out leaving your wife in miseries. Party and joy resides when your sweetheart is happy. I know if even after this you decide to party out, you will not be able to enjoy a single minute of it because this will pinch you every second.
Come back with all your love to your lady...she is waiting for you and she needs you...
2007-07-13 04:44:30 · answer #7 · answered by khushi s 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he is bein very rude... He should want to be there with you and the baby not parting all night.. I was 5 months pregnant and my fiance didnt even want to go on a really special trip cause he was worried about me... Now thats sweet. You should have a talk with your husband that yall can all go out when you get better and the baby is older!! Good Luck with everything
2007-07-13 04:11:58 · answer #8 · answered by Megan 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
All night, or even patrial night, benders end when they say, "it's a boy/girl!" in the delivery room the first time. He sounds very selfish himself, not to mention immature. And to futher show his maturity, he gives you the silent treatment while he continues to pout. I don't care what birthday he has, he has a family & a wife who will have just gone through labor. You are NOT unfair. He is just not willing to accept that he's a grown up now with grown up responsibilties.
2007-07-13 04:25:45 · answer #9 · answered by layla983 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't understand this fully, but from what I can tell the guy sounds like a real jerk. It is not your role to compromise. Why is a 30 year old married expectant father seeking to go out all night getting drunk?
Someone needs to beat the crap out of him. Don't compromise with him and I'm sorry that you're married to that digusting excuse of a man. Please print this out and give it to him, and maybe he and I could meet in Vegas for a few rounds of boxing.
2007-07-13 04:02:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋