I think I take care of all my resonsibilities. I provide for the family and I do my share of household stuff. I couldn't be a better father. Yet I feel my wife is not satisfied with me. I'm a total romantic, but that is not what she is lacking.
In other words, she denies me the sexual satisfaction (not to mention herself) that she knows I need. I'm GTG every day, but if it were up to her, she'd be satisfied with only once a month. So, after 20 years (can you beleive that?) I remain unhappy. I love her, yet resent being neglected. I'm tempted to cheat for personal satisfaction, but cannot cross the line. Nor can I desert her or the children. This sounds pathetic, but maybe someone has an idea for me. I suspect I'm not the only one.
2007-07-12 19:53:14 · 11 answers · asked by Julius4U 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I know where you're coming from. It happens to both sexes. I've heard that it's important to have sex somewhat often even if one isn't that into it anymore. The more you two do it, the more you'll want it so I think you should talk her into putting out atleast once...no twice a week.
2007-07-12 19:59:39 · answer #1 · answered by Blue Love Aura 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am not going to be much help but you do not sound pathetic at all to me. I think it is terribly sweet that you would take the initiative and ask an honest question. I applaud you for that. I dont know what your wife is lacking because I dont know her. Dont cheat on her though. You may get personal satisfaction from it but it wont last long and you will end up more unhappy than before. I would strongly recommend reading the Bible like the other guy said. Matt. 5:27-30, 1 Peter 1:13-21. Hope this helps. Good Luck and God Bless :)
2007-07-12 20:44:36 · answer #2 · answered by ilovemyssgt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly NEVER CHEAT - that ends more relationships than it helps.
So after 20 years you still haven't learnt the fine art of compromise? Finding the middle ground where both can have something that they need (without resorting to cheating)?
So you want it every day, and she once a month. Talk it out, find the place where both of you have some of what you want. You can't have it all your way, and she can't expect to have it all hers.
Also if her libdo is low, and she's unhappy with that, she can talk to a doctor. There may be a medical reason, and so something to help her.
But I usually find that a low desire level is due to how she FEELS, as much as what's going on internally. You say your romantic, but is it always "you trying to get in her pants" kind of romantic? Is it every time you touch her there's a implied "gee, I hope this works"? Have you asked her what might make HER feel more sexy, more loved, more desirable? Have you tried gentle, non-sexual cuddling? Letting her know its not the ONLY thing on your mind? Spending time with her without IT being on the cards? Could it be that because you are always so ready, that she doesn't feel she can have contact without arousing you to that point? Then feeling like a tease, because she can't follow through?
By the way, you are far from being the only one.
2007-07-12 20:13:26 · answer #3 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First of all, TALK TO HER! Find out what she wants/needs. I will bet money it has nothing to do with sex, however once that need is met, she may feel more sexually inclined. HOWEVER ... don't come at her with what YOU want and such. Tell her how much you love her and desire her and ask her what she needs from you. But, DONT make her feel like you want to do things for her just so you can get a great BJ or get laid!
I agree with the hormorne response as well. This very well could be. Just like women can't get enough of it in their 30's ... that declines (most of the time) in the 40's and 50's. Going to the doctor would be a good thing.
Above all, value her. Do something out of the normal routine that is just for her (something you would get no benefit from).
Best of luck!
P.S. Maybe stop spending so much time online and more time doing things with her.
2007-07-13 13:43:44 · answer #4 · answered by Sooocali 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't sound pathetic at all. Although we have only been married 6 1/2 years (2nd for me - 3rd for him), I am in the same boat as you, only the situation is reversed. We are both 52 and I love love love having sex with my husband, well I would if we had any. It seems that he is ok with once every two months or so. He has refused to talk to a doctor. I have given him articles on ways to help. He won't try medication. What am I to do? I under no circumstances will cheat!!!
2007-07-12 21:03:47 · answer #5 · answered by luvgiraffes 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So I'll take a guess that she's nearing 40. Could be a hormonal problem - which can be easily taken care of with a trip to the gynecologist for some testing. Perimenopause is a time where there can be hormonal fluctuations, as well as other problems being caused. Best to get things ruled out along that line.
2007-07-13 02:46:40 · answer #6 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you guys are having some communication issues. Whenever I am unhappy about a situation I talk to my husband about it. I tell him if I am sexually frustrated or am needing more attention. I find out why he is not interested in sex or is feeling unsatisfied. For me I see it as my life too and I am not going to spend it second guessing my husband or trying to "figure out what the heck he wants."
Cheating might get you some instant gratification, but if you still really love your wife, it will make you feel worse in the long run.
I agree with BarbOutthere. You need to find a compromise that will suit both with you.
Have you thought about a sex therapist?
Good luck and I hope you guys find a compromise that will work for both of you.
2007-07-12 20:31:00 · answer #7 · answered by TBECK 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
As a woman I would say maybe the relationship lacks luster. In otherwords, do you take her out on dates? admire her openly like you did those years ago when love was new? Do you make her laugh?
Or is your life pretty routine with day to day things being the norm? If so then time to switch it up. She could have a hormone change happening too, which can mess up a womans sex drive faster then dale earnhart can drive.
2007-07-12 23:11:20 · answer #8 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
read some books, like maybe a Dr. Phil on relationships. what any woman wants, married or not, is to know that she is loved, appreciated, and desired by her man. there is so much more pertinent info needed to know before anyone can even touch on answering any of your questions. DO NOT CHEAT ON HER!!! GET SOME HELP!!! talk to a therapist, priest, rabbi, or whomever you trust that is a PROFESSIONAL in this field. Friends & Family DO NOT QUALIFY, as they may be biased, as well as uneducated in helping in this situation. With the right professional help, you can make the necessary changes needed, whether it's resolve the differences with your wife and find out what's wrong, or move on...............
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2016-10-19 04:23:51 · answer #10 · answered by nedeau 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋