Is it rude to drop by uninvited? Or to ask that people call first?

Question

The way I was raised, you politely call first, and check to see if it's a good time to stop by. Almost everyone has a cell phone nowadays so it should be very easy for people to call first. I think it shows respect and caring. My in-laws keep DROPPING by. I have made my views known and asked them to call first, but they keep doing it. I love privacy! I love quiet evenings at home. I don't like to stay "dressed" all day. I also have health issues and if I have been in pain...sometimes the house doesn't look too great and it embarasses me. I would just like to have the option to say whether it's a good time or not. It's so easy when they all have cell phones. now it seems like they are doing it now to bother me, or "show" me that they don't have to.

Answer 1

You already know the answer, so why are you asking?

Of course it's best to call first. I learned this the hard way. I went to visit a friend, a minister, at his house unannounced during the middle of the day. He opened the door kind of surprised. When I turned my head, I noticed that he hadn't had a chance to turn the TV off. As it turns out, he had been watching porno when I showed up.

So there you have it. Always call.

Answer 2

Well you know what the answer is already, but may I suggest that you exact your revenge by intentionally staging a really unusual tableau in your home that would totally throw them off eg. hurriedly pretending to dress as co-conspirator rushes out side window/back door as if to insinuate they just drove your man away, pagan ritual with skulls and smoky candles, cook some foul smelling food, you get my idea. If they get sufficiently shocked by whatever they happen to see when they raid your house like they do, then they will be too worried to try it again.

Answer 3

Depends on what part of the country you are in. In a lot of areas like the South, and Texas that is the norm. Most of the time don't knock, (knocking is considered rude) just walk in to sit a visit.
In the New England area it is considered rude not to call ahead first, and almost every one locks their doors.
In California if you live in L.A. San Francisco, San Diego areas you don't even told to some one unless they are in your little cliche! But you out in the desert regions it is perfectly natural for someone to walk in and if you are still asleep put the coffee on.
So like I said it depends on where you are from and where you are living.as much as anything.

Answer 4

So rude and ignorant! Social misfits! Self-centered users! Don't ever go to a person's house or even hint without a direct and stated (enter/exit time) invite. It's clingy and creepy, and so annoying!

Answer 5

Yeah, it's rude. In the extreme.

Here's your solution:

Do not call.
Go to their house, knock on their door at 2 AM.

Do not be drunk, be stone sober.
Do not yell, just ring the doorbell.

Tell them, "I just thought I'd drop by.. you know, since we're related by marriage and all."
Have them get up, get dressed, come downstairs. Tell them you have important news...ask for coffee first.

They make coffee.

Have them bring it in, they get all ready for this important news...

Then say, yeah thanks. and stand up. They ask what's the news?

"I'm going to do this again at random on random nights, until you people get a clue that this is how it feels when you drop by uninvited. I like my #%^#^$&@$&@$& privacy and solace. When you show up, it pisses me off.

Produce a large, oversize card from your jacket with your name, cell phone number on it, set up with double sticky tape. Place it on the door jamb.

Walk out.

If they follow you, tell them, "See you tomorrow night. You'll find out what time tomorrow."

Then call them at 1 AM, tell them you'll be over at 2 AM, then hang up, then don't arrive.

Then at 3 AM call them, and cheerfully tell them "Sorry, got to make it tomorrow. G'Night!"

If at any point they call the police on you, you might get a "disturbing the peace" citation.

Might be you are laughing, maybe. :)

I did this with some buds from my ship, kind of. We'd hit homeport, they 'd want to come over to my house and start drinking at 6 that night.

It was annoying as I'd tell them "Look, dudes, call and we'll plan it out. But first night in port, I need time to unwind."

So they did it again. So that last time, 6 PM, I and my wife answered the door, wrapped in a quilt. They asked what we were doing.. "Unwinding. Come back in two hours."

They got the clue. You have been too nice to them. Train them better. Just being nice dog isn't getting it, bark and growl, maybe nip a bit, when the pull your tail.

Good luck. This was an interesting tale.

Answer 6

I have the exact same problem with my in-laws. I'm feeling your pain!

They always seem to drop by on the nights that I have a heap to do for the next day (get dinner ready, pack my kid's kindy bag, iron work clothes, etc) and the place looks like a bomb's hit it. My hubby is so sick of it, he sits in front of the TV and ignores them, but that leaves me to "entertain". They don't even like me - they just come to visit their grandson.

I like the plan that other guy has, but I couldn't be bothered to go to that extreme!

Perhaps next time they turn up unannounced, pretend you're heading out the door yourself... "sorry, can't stick around - we're going out.". Hop in the car before they have a chance to invite themselves along (eeek), drive around the block and wait for them to leave your house, then go back and relax, in-law free!

Answer 7

If they are trying to "show" you they don't have to give you a heads up, then "show them they're being disrespectful by not answering the door. If this causes tension with your husband have him explain the reason. They're his parents so he should have the task. He better back you up, too!