Is this person SELFISH or really TIRED?

Question

How can you tell the difference between if someone is being rude (e.g. a boyfriend) and just selfish when they don't do considerate things like if they make dinner or a meal/snack and ask if you'd like some and make some for the both of you.... or make time to be together after work instead of getting on computer/going to gym/saying "I'm tired" and watching tv or sleeping.

VERUS

Someone who is really tired & things are really okay but they just show you once per week maybe that they care about you by doing something kind of nice.

They talk a lot with other people like if he says he is tired someone can call & he perks up.

Lots of times says we/he can & will do something but then doesn't -- like "we'll have sex tomorrow" or "we can go see the property we are buying tomorrow" (offer has already been submitted & he talks about the property a lot; I would like to see it once every 2 weeks to watch the progress)..... Or "I'll rub your shoulders after this show"
Doesn't happen.

Thanks for the answers. THere are lots of details that are hard to add in this small space.

To paint an accurate picture - I am not a SAHM. I work more than fulltime and have a consulting business. On the side I teach aerobics.

I more than accomplish goals for myself and for us. He would even say I am an incredible go getter so it's not an issue where I am moping around here waiting for him to get off work.

My email is [e-mail]. I wasn't able to get in contact with the person who noted to contact offline for more info.

Thanks. About the food thing, it's not that he won't share it's that he is picky about when he eats so I ask about when he'd like to and he doesn't give a specific time. Next thing I know he has whipped up something quick and eaten the whole thing OR makes something and comes and sits next to me and eats it and says nothing. I guess I would suppose a person would say "Hey I'm hungry and ready to eat - want to make something together?" or something/anything. Also, if I make something then he helps himself to what is on my plate which is bothersome since then I get something else small to eat along with it so I don't go hungry and he makes a comment about me overeating. I weigh 126 and lost 44 lbs before I met him. We've been together over 1 year.

Answer 1

Both, he is tired from work and wants time to himself which all men need. That is selfish about the food thing but some guys don't like to share(i.e. Joey from "Friends" lol). Push the issue or do something for him that would make him do it in return. Try rubbing his shoulders for a few minutes, stop and offer to do it again if he would rub yours. If nothing works then let him know. Sounds more selfish than tired to me...I work 55+ hours a week, sleep 6 hours a day, but I still make time to pick my baby up for lunch, or make time for "us" when I can. Always tired but never too tired to make her happy :-)

Answer 2

I am a hard working mother and I'm going to answer this.

If you are a stay at home wife/girlfriend, you need to busier. It's more attractive then waiting for things to happen. Spend time working on things that will satisfy yourself and help accomplish goals you both have. You sound as though you have cabin fever and will not take responsibility for your part.

If not you both have bigger problems and may still do.

feel free to talk about more details with me

Answer 3

Whenever I get home, despite me being a girl and not a man, I just have to relax. But if you are unhappy in a relationship you cant stay. All it will do is wreck your self esteem. To exactly answer your question, i would say a little bit of both.

Answer 4

Sorry, but it sounds like he just isn't all that into you anymore. Stop the financial sharing until you find out where this relationship is going!

Answer 5

that's the way he is, you should talk to him, tell him it bothers you. but i won't hope for a change, you have to ask yourself, is this acceptable to you or not. Men could be worse, like play around, drug...