hmm i think it's veryy like weak..
i have fallen deep for you
each second of each day i think someone will take you away from me
i dont ever want to lose you
you are my best friend, my lover
i want to be with you forever
you know all my flaws, differences, and mistakes
yet you still love me
my life is complete with you in it
i dont regret a single moment i spent with you
2007-07-12 19:06:57 · 10 answers · asked by Orange? 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
As time goes by,
I have fallen deep for you.
Deeper then skin will ever be.
And deep inside I know,
Someone might take you
Away from me.
Never want to lose you, no no.
Never want to see your back,no
I want to stay by your side,
You and me forever,
By your side forever.
My friend, my lover
You know my flaws, weaknesses, and differences
They block my heart.
As bad as they are,
You brush them aside.
So your love can reach my heart.
You complete my life, you know
And keep it still going.
We've been through a lot,
Just you and me,
Me and you together,
Loving you forever
No moments regret,
Just you and me forever.
2007-07-14 09:51:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have fallen deep for you
each second of each day i think someone will take you away from me
i dont ever want to lose you
you are my best friend, my lover
i want to be with you forever
you know all my flaws, differences, and mistakes
yet you still love me
my life is complete with you in it
i dont regret a single moment i spent with you
except for the time
you did a cleveland steamer on my left breast
i love you
and wish you all the best ~
2007-07-12 20:24:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have fallen deep for you
each second of each day i am grateful that you are in my life
i love you
you are my best friend, my lover
i want to be with you forever
you know all my flaws, faults and habits
and you still love me
my life is complete with you in it
i don't regret a moment I spent in your presence
The bit at the beginning about being scared every moment they will be taken away sounds super neurotic. If that's how you really feel, start appreciating the moment instead of fearing the future.
2007-07-12 19:16:06 · answer #3 · answered by sticky 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This does not sound like a poem but more how you feel and how much you are trying to express your self. Sentances and words have to flow more evenly, Something like this " Each second of each day I think someone will take you away from me, but I hope you know how much trust I have in you that you will not flee, Don't you know your my best friend? And I have fallen so deeply in love with you right till the end. My life has been so complete with you and I have no regrets spending our precious time together. I hope when time passes this is a day when we will remember. Remembering our mistakes, our differances and flaws as we go down the road both haveing the same cause. To love to cherrish each other forever to have a good life we can enjoy together. these arn't just words I'm just making up, they come from my heart. my mind, my very soul so I hope we don't ever part.
Well something like that I'm' not a poet
Sincerely yours,
Fred M. Hunter
2007-07-12 19:53:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I’m falling …
Each second I fear you will be taken away from me
I don’t want to lose my best friend!
I don’t want to lose my lover!
I don’t want to lose you:
the one who knows all my flaws and mistakes
and yet still loves me!
I feel my life incomplete without you!
I cherish every moment spent with you
I think I’m falling …,
I’m falling deep for you!
Now I think you can call it mine. Feel free to use it I used to provide love letters to my entire class in the high school.
2007-07-12 19:24:34 · answer #5 · answered by Latifa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when you write your poem don't write it for the reader - write it for you - put specifics in - how have you fallen, how will they take them away from you - why don't you ever want to lose them - why do you want to be with them forever - or add some metaphors and similes to illustrate - draw a picture - have you fallen in a deep dark hole, or have you fallen like backwards rain up to heaven - i mean - REALLY paint a picture! anything goes!
2007-07-12 19:38:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Irreperable, try again and really dig deep for those emotions, their strong ones and you've yet to tap into that strenghth.
2007-07-12 19:11:03 · answer #7 · answered by Thendens 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
deeply instead of deep.
2nd line delete 'from me'.
5th line change to 'I want to be yours to discover'.
6th line change to 'you know all my flaws and mistakes'.
7th 'yet you love me still'
8th 'my life with you is complete'
last line 'every moment with you is a treasure'
or leave off last line and end it with 'my life with you is complete'.
2007-07-12 21:44:23 · answer #8 · answered by winkcat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poetry is not my cup of tea. But yes, there is something lacking in it.
2007-07-12 19:11:53 · answer #9 · answered by Swamy 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
all ur american "poems" puzzle me. if u know what is "white poem", u will get me.
2007-07-12 20:29:28 · answer #10 · answered by dimapoet 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋