Embarrassing Question but I getting married and need advice?

Question

I get married next year, The man I am with is a great man,he is sweet and kind and was a virgin when we met. I grew up in the christian faith and finding a man like that was awesome.But now is sorta sucks becuase he is very unromantic and does not know how to please me romantically. He thinks he knows what he is doing but our first time lasted less then 30 seconds.It is driving me crazy that he can't please me..How do I get him to please me without bursting his ego?
Help Please....

Answer 1

My husband was a virgin when we got married, so I can relate to what you're experiencing. Sometimes it takes the husband a while to learn his wife's body, what she likes and dislikes, and what best pleases her. And, it takes even longer if the wife doesn't verbally communicate. I've learned that men are not mind readers.

Trust me, the best solution is to have open and loving communication with your husband. I understand you might feel a little awkward at first in broaching the topic, but if you don't tell him how you feel, he won't know. He's new at this, so it shouldn't hurt his ego to educate him that men and women are made differently - that it takes the woman much longer (and may require a little more effort) to reach orgasm.

Maybe you could approach the problem in a way that suggests to him that you love being intimate with him and want to experiment with new things to make the experience more exciting and enjoyable for the both of you. One thing that helped keep the romance alive in our marriage was a kit called 52 Weeks of Romance (http://www.amazon.com/52-Weeks-of-Romance/dp/B000JVUGWW/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2/104-2524607-8229557?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1184305328&sr=8-2). You and your husband take turns each week selecting and following the directions on the scratch-off cards. There's also a kit called 52 Weeks of Naughty Nights, but we haven't tried that one yet, so I'm not sure what type of activites are on the cards.

Also, my husband and I read several books together, which were really helpful. I've listed a few and provided the links below:

A Celebration of Sex: A Guide to Enjoying God's Gift of Sexual Intimacy

A Celebration of Sex answers specific, often unasked questions about sexual topics, presents married couples with detailed techniques and behavioral skills for deepening sexual pleasure and intimate companionship, and is an excellent tool for premarital education. (You can search inside to see the table of contents).
http://www.amazon.com/Celebration-Sex-Enjoying-Sexual-Intimacy/dp/0785264671/ref=pd_sim_b_3_img/104-2524607-8229557?ie=UTF8&qid=1184305844&sr=1-1


Restoring the Pleasure: Complete Step-by-Step Programs to Help Couples Overcome the Most Common Sexual Barriers
http://www.amazon.com/Restoring-Pleasure-Complete-Step-Step/dp/0849934648/ref=pd_sim_b_5_img/104-2524607-8229557?ie=UTF8&qid=1184305844&sr=1-1

The Gift of Sex: A Guide to Sexual Fulfillment
http://www.amazon.com/Gift-Sex-Guide-Sexual-Fulfillment/dp/0849944155/ref=pd_sim_b_1/104-2524607-8229557?ie=UTF8&qid=1184305844&sr=1-1

The Way to Love Your Wife: Creating Greater Love & Passion in the Bedroom

You could purchase a book for yourself about how to please your husband, and then give this one to your spouse - that way, his ego won't be hurt if you're both reading books about how to please each other.
http://www.amazon.com/Way-Love-Your-Wife-Creating/dp/158997445X/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-6537322-4197616?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1184309326&sr=1-1

His Needs, Her Needs
This book is not entirely about sex, but I recommend it to all newlyweds.
http://www.amazon.com/His-Needs-Her-Building-Affair-Proof/dp/0800717880/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/002-6537322-4197616?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1184309366&sr=1-1

***By the way, just so you'll have hope, my husband now knows how to please me every time. It took practice, but the journey's part of the fun! Good luck!

Answer 2

Get a copy of "The Joys of Sex" or whatever it is. The original edition is the best because it doesn't branch out into gay sex and all of that crap. Anyway tell him that you are "naive" too and you thought that since you are both "innocent" you might get some ideas from the illustrations. Leave it with him and let him look it over and get his own ideas. You HAVE to communicate. TELL him what you would like and ASK him what he would like. Don't make him feel like a blundering ninny though by being too specific. Bottom line...it's NOT like in the movies. Sex is just sex when it's all said and done, a biological procedure for the purpose of procreation. Don't let a good man go when you can have a good man and a vibrator hidden in the bathroom closet.

Answer 3

you should start a dialogue! all men have their secret turn-ons and usually telling a man yours really gets him going.
Ask him questions and tell him your fantasies and what you really like in bed. When you go about starting a fun sexy dialogue in a subtle way he wont think you are critisizing his skills but divulging a secret fantasy. Which again, guys love.... weather they admit it or not! And then it's easy for him to add onto it, or he wont feel so exposed. Maybe this is why hes so reserved in the sack... he just needs to know that you love it too. Remember he doesnt have much experience and you will be the one shaping the way he "refines" his skills. Guys usually end up adopting your favorite fantasies as their own.

So remember details! and make sure you mention that foreplay is a big deal for you, or that it takes a little longer for you to get going. As long as you keep it as an accepting open conversation, he'll dig it and shouldn't take offense.

If he's shy about all this though, it's important that he does know where you stand, because if he's never told he'll... well! he'll never know. Guy's love to please and satisfy their woman. And most guys will tell you to tell them what to do, and tell them how you want something done. They don't like to guess and it can get confusing for them.

By the way... lol....I've really only had a couple of relationships in the past. I had a problem similar to this in one of them. I regret not talking to him sooner! Hope it helps!

Answer 4

Don't worry too much about his ego. Deep down he knows that he really isn't all that good at it yet. How could he be. Just tell him what to do when you're being "romantic". I'm sure he'll be happy to learn how to please you. As for the 30 second first performance, that's pretty standard. As he gets more used to the sensation he'll last longer. So don't panic about that just yet. If he's still 30 seconds or less a year from now, then you can worry.

Answer 5

- Maybe guide him by showing him how you do your own "foreplay". 90% of guys will find it kinky if you are doing that, and if you guide their hand to take over for you.
- If he bursts too soon, An option is to make him do so, but then keep him going, I have been able to do it a few times over, and after the first time, the second one could take forever.
- Alchohol in guys makes the nerves numb a bit, which should make him last longer (It tends to dry out women, so maybe keep some lubricant around just in case.)
- Keep talking and asking for constant feedback while doing it. Treat sex more like a massage then a silent animal act. At least for the first few times. Maybe start it off by doing massage, that way, you don't automatically go into that other mode of pump and done for him.

Answer 6

Talk to him My husband was the same way but after a while he learned he was a selfish lover and that pleasing me brought him more pleasure.
He never experienced the pleasure of pleasing a woman so maybe you both need a little help for example there are pills that help a man last longer and maybe you need something to relax or help you to be more excited.
You just keep on trying until you find what works

Answer 7

Easy one, First your saying He's good in every other way, but the bedroom. Well today thats hard to find,, Work on it, tell him what you need of him, and also ask him what he wants of you, your christian, im am as well, so christians christ said? the woman belongs to the man and the man belongs to the woman, or close to it,, it saying both of yous can work that part out together,, dont be afraid,, sounds like he's a nice person, if love is real, its forever,or it should be. think about it ok.. life is short here on earth.. talk to him about it, if thats your first time in bed with him? he's needs to learn and you can help him........

Answer 8

If you were both virgins, then it is going to take awhile before either of you know what you are doing. But in the meantime, to make the best of it you must communicate! Tell him what feels good and what doesn't feel good! If you have never masturbated, you may want to start, if only to learn more about your body so you can better guide him. Try to get him to consider oral, which is the only way many women can orgasm.

Answer 9

Well??? Do you still love him? Or does he just suck in the sack? If he just sucks. What kind of thing pleases you? You won't hurt his feelings. If you two are getting married you need to learn to be honest with each other and fortunately it may take a while to get chemistry in the bed but you can get it. It just takes time and A LOT of practice. Just do a lot of experimenting. Most guys like that. :-) Good luck.

Answer 10

Why not make it exciting by getting books on Karma Sutra? You can tell your husband that you were curious about it and would like to try the techniques to see if it lives up to its name! In this way you don't have to burst his ego and at the same time, satisfy your needs. Good luck. Everything will work out don't you worry. Don't wait for him to bring excitement, you bring it full force and tell him what you like.

Answer 11

Burst his ego, if you are not happy, then he won't be happy. Your sex life will eventually dwindle and then not even exist. You can't expect him to read your mind. The last time I checked, you need communication in a relationship. try tying him to the bed, so you have all the control. Show him what you like and go at your pace.